Eldest starting reception in September, but keen to avoid certain people who have kids also starting the same school and class. Help!

[creativebutterfly]

As title says - my eldest is starting reception at a very well liked primary school in the area. Very hard to get into.

my daughter knows 2 local kids who will also be starting the reception class in September and I was friends with the mothers of these kids through meeting locally. The mothers have turned out to be very questionable and I know them enough to not trust either of them. Both are very two faced. I don't like drama or confrontation so I guess I'm polite to these women when I see them, but I don't trust them and I don't want to befriend them enough for them to siphon information from me to use against me. I'm going to be seeing them practically every other day come September, or at least my self employed partner will be as he may take my daughter to school on the odd days I can't.
My partner is often bumping into these women and chatting with them, and I've warned him not to tell them certain things about me as I just don't feel like I can trust them and the friendship hasn't really evolved the way a real friendship should. He understands but says he won't be rude and blank them. I really don't want him or myself to really have to get in a rut where we are having to socialise with people we don't really want to but neither of us really want to be rude. I don't mind the children all being friends etc but I just don't want to waste time with these women but at the same time not creating an 'issue' where it affects my child's school friendships etc.

Has anyone been in a situation where you like the school, teachers etc but there are certain parents your pleasant with but don't want to really pursue or encourage a friendship further than the school gates?

Dreading September tbh! But happy my girl is going to be 'big school'

Put her into out of school care/breakfast club so you don’t have to see them.

Drop and run at school, arrive right on time to collect at the end of the day so you don’t have to interact.

Agree with arriving on time so you’re not hanging around. Don’t book wrap around care if you don’t otherwise need it though, that would be nuclear solution to a very minor issue! When you do happen to see them just say hi and smile but don’t engage beyond basic small talk. Sometimes you find people you click with but there really isn’t any rule that you must be BFFs and socialise together because your kids are in the same class. No need to overthink it- just think of them like you would annoying coworkers and behave accordingly.

There's no law about having to be friends with someone just because you have children the same age. Use wrap around care if you need it or get to/from school at the times when they need to be going in/out.

Just don't engage in conversation, if absolutely cornered by one, say hello, that's it. Honestly, other than a handful of friends (who are neighbours), I speak to almost no one at the school gates. My youngest is in reception and I only even know the names of about two other parents in his class. You don't have to be friends just because you have kids at the same school. There are always a few chatty mums to hang about, but otherwise everyone just goes in, comes out, very little interaction other than a good morning.

Remain breezy. If they talk to you, say hi and be polite but don't get into conversation with them. There's no requirement for you to be best mates with someone just because your kids are in the same class.

I have very little to do with school mums as DH does the morning drop offs on his way to work, and my reception DD does extracurricular clubs on site 4 days. On the other day she does a different club off site that we need to rush to, so no time for chat.

Agree with a previous poster to arrive exactly on time the gates open and collect as close to kicking out time as possible to avoid interaction.

A school mum at my DS school turned nasty and started gossiping about me for no reason - she’s very friendly at first then uses information against you - and I’ve managed to avoid her 90% of the time for almost a whole school year this way. The school gates is the pits sometimes!

Just keep it light and breezy say hello arrive just on the bell and you don't have to be friend them if the kids become friends it's the same thing light breezy don't engage in deep conversations and tell them nothing.

One reason I was glad to be a working mum. Dropped the kids, bye have a lovely day, gone. I could wave, smile at any parent who made eye contact but never had to get into a conversation. Just smile, say hello to anyone and everyone, look vague— always worked for me.

sunglasses and headphones in ! Or be looking through your phone as you glide past! We all do it!

Totally agree with arriving just before doors open so you're not hanging around. I'm just polite and breezy, say hello and if someone tries to engage me in conversation say "Must dash, I've got to get to work..... have a good day." Sorted.

I’m glad I’m not the only one that doesn’t like the school gates. Some schools are fine but women who gossip where their children are educated is a recipe for distaster

you’re massively over thinking it. Just stay out of their way, I’m sure they’re not even giving you a second thought.

You really don't need to worry. You won't like everyone. They probably don't like you either. Just smile and head off to start your day. Don't give them a moment's thought.

If you make yourself into a recluse to avoid these women you might miss out on some nice friendships. Just pick people you get good signals from and ignore those who you don't.

I would just be friendly but not disclose information.

like it or not your kids may be friends

Don't give them all this power. There is nothing they could say or do anyway. Don't hide away because of them. Keep it bright and breezy, say hello and goodbye and rush off to work or wherever you go.
I have don't 18 years of school runs and have proudly never made friends with any school mums but no one could call me unfriendly either. I wouldn't let these women impact your child by you hiding away. That's a lot of years to do that for