Being on the PTA

[BocolateChiscuits]

Does anyone want to talk about being on the PTA?

Clueless off the back of only seeing the school in covid times I volunteered for a specific "back-office" type role at the PTA. Over about 6 months this morphed into me and another parent organising everything. And now anoher 6 months later, we're working on opening things up, distributing work to more people, and spreading the load so my role is turning into being co-lead of a mini organisation. I'm planning to step down at the end of the next school year.

I feel so ambivalent about the situation. On the one hand, I enjoy being such an active part of the school community. I've got to know lots of people (I'm a bit socially awkward naturally). Many of the other parents are just amazing to work with and get to know. We've raised a lot of money for the school at a time when it's struggling with its budget. I've learnt lots of leadership and organisational skills that have helped me in my normal job. I've learnt about running a charity (the PTA is a charity).

On the other hand, it's such hard work. I've got a job, all the parents have got jobs, no-one's really got time to spend 3:30-5:30pm on a Tuesday running a cake sale or whatever. (I just about scrape by, with a fairly flexible office-based job and plenty of WFH time.) Everyone complains at you. They want things to be better organised, but they can't volunteer themselves. They come up with ideas of what to do, or how improve things that would take lots of volunteers and time, and then seem resentful if you don't implement them, or offended when you ask if it's something they have time to take on. They treat you as if you are employed in a medium sized well-resourced company.
Plus you seem to get a couple of tough going types get involved (by this I mean people who frankly aren't very nice), and you need to involve them, while containing their more negative impulses. Luckily the vast majority of parents are brilliant - it's just the odd one.
People expect you to be some sort of combination of cliquey queen bee/hectoring control-freak/holier than thou do-gooder/rich SAHP housewife. I don't feel like any of these things, not even remotely.
And I have a job and children and a life with hobbies and interests and things I'm trying to do and care about.

Eugh. Sorry for the rant. Anyways, if you're on the PTA, how do you feel about it? As conflicted as me?

My experience has been very similar to yours - I offered to be the secretary when DD started reception as wanted to help and that felt manageable around work. It has morphed over a couple of years into me being co-chair with a friend and a few other people who have lots of ‘ideas’ they want to the PTA to do but don’t want to organise those extra things themselves and get offended when I explain I’m having enough of a nervous breakdown dealing with the fete and it’s X is lovely idea if they’d like to do it…I’m resigning in September as am just burnt out.

Yeah, you've got the jist of it for sure. I've been in ours for 8 years in total. The main volunteers are working mums with (surprise!) Several Children. It actually annoys the hell out of me that the many many stay at home parents at our school are invisible. I work FT in a professional, demanding job and also volunteer for a charity one evening a week as well as, you know, life!

The worst job in the PTA IMO is fundraising committee. I decided from the beginning I couldn't do that. I go to general meetings, write the letters to council, play devils advocate etc. for policy revisions etc. But not fundraising. Giving funds through supporting every event? Absolutely.

I've enjoyed meeting other parents I wouldn't have but it's definitely been on my own terms. Maybe that's been annoying for others but I give what I can, which is a lot more than most! I've found it's possible to draw your boundary and stick to it but perhaps only if you're not too bothered what other people think of that!

This is good advice.

OP it sounds like you’re really not enjoying it and it’s time to stop. It’s not good for you or the PTA to continue if you feel this way.

I briefly helped our PTA years ago as a non-committee member. What I saw totally put me off any further involvement. Staff seemed to dislike the PTA, parents disliked the PTA, the PTA disliked everyone and did lots of work but felt massively put upon. Governors in the playground would actively avoid our cake sales. I offered to keep the second-hand school uniform in my loft for them and then got a snarky comment about why I hadn’t organised any second-hand sales! No thanks.

I am a governor now and enjoy it a lot more.

I have a committee role and it’s still a love-hate relationship between me and the PTA.
It’s exhausting, frustrating and rewarding in equal measure! The potential for aggro is huge, but then you get moments that make it all worthwhile. However, we do community-focused work as well as pure fundraising.

I think it’s worth doing and I have definitely consolidated some skills. But I plan to step down in a year or two as that is more than enough for me.

I joined our PTA when my eldest went to school and stayed on it for a few years - I quickly realised everyone was like me working mums. In the end I gave up as it was taking too much time and it annoyed me that the SAHMs did nothing (and no they weren't looking after young children at home their children were all in school). I joined the scout committee instead much more equal load across parents

@Feliciacat thank you! I think most people have forgotten it was me that ran it when they start complaining now. I just smile and nod!

I'm so glad it's not just me. Thank you so much for sharing. It's a relief that no-one's said "actually, it was great, loved it".

To those saying I should leave...well, if it were that simple for me, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place 😂I am planning to stand down, but I think doing one more year will mean I can make this smooth and see through a lot of things. I will be making this clear at the start of the year.

I usually try to avoid threads about PTA's - but if anyone wants to volunteer/make the school a better place and feel like they don't fit in at the PTA, its worth noting that the PTA is not the only option. There's a huge shortage of school governors across the country.

In my experience, governors will usually have meetings outside of school time so can fit around more typical 9 to 5's, other parents usually don't know/care who the governors are so wont come bother you in the playground and you get to actually input into the strategic direction of the school as a whole, including on how they speed money etc.

Anyway, sorry to hijack a PTA thread, but really a more diverse set of governors for schools can have a really positive impact on schools beyond cake sales and fates ;)

You’ve totally summed it up!! From the difficult characters to the absolute constant feedback and suggestions that get more and more outlandish (river cruise/circus/black tie events/cinema nights/comedy) that take huge amounts of effort and then no one wants to do anyway.

I am treasurer which suits me as I feel useful and involved but no one’s feeding back to me about my treasuring skills. I also get all the goss/info but am never in a position to upset anyone so it’s best of all worlds. People are also really scared of treasuring so tend to just leave you to it!

TBH our PTA does too much and there’s a lot of handwringing about trying to make it inclusive/all things to all people which I’m just massively over. Constantly trying to get to the “bottom” of why more people/different types of people aren’t helping more (because they don’t want to, that’s it). Constant requests for feedback which is then massively overanalysed and leads to a sort of sort flagellating “aren’t we horrible
over privileged white women excluding the poor brown women we hate ourselves”. It’s weird and I just ignore it. My belief is that the type or organisational bustle involved with the PTA appeals almost exclusively to a certain type of white woman. Accept it, by all means always seek to be more inclusive wherever you can but just accept your limitations and do what you can.

I think your description is brilliant. It is really unbelievable what people will complain about to volunteers, like saying 'don't you have a pinot grigio' to the person who to provide this glass of wine bought 50 bottles of chardonnay from the cash and carry, hauled them into their car single-handedly, drove them around and unloaded them at the other end, sourced the ice to cool it and the glasses to serve it in and is handing to you UNPAID. Just say 'thanks' fgs.

On the other hand it is invaluable for creating school community, raising funds for stuff that wouldn't otherwise happen, and is the administrative equivalent of planning a wedding twice a term so is brilliant experience. And my kids fondly remember me doing it.

I did PTA at DC primary school for 7 years. It was all exactly as you describe, though worse in many ways as the old cohort refused to engage with any technology.
I then went on to be a governor at their secondary school for another 7 years. The expectations and responsibilities placed on governors are immense and it's not for the faint hearted. On the other hand you don't get quite the same cliquiness and backbiting. I also found as a governor I found it more difficult to raise any concerns for my own DC.

I probably am the one shooting down ideas in meetings, because I don't have time or head space to implement them. We struggle to do the bare minimum: 2 fairs a year and a disco. Which is enough I think.

Yes it's annoying that more parents don't volunteer but it's not for me to judge. My own kids are really proud of me for the PTA stuff I do, and they really, really love the events, which wouldn't happen without us. So it is what it is.

I'm enjoying my PTA right now. I resisted being on the committee for ages but now I am. We have great people, a variety of skills and ideas. I'm not impressed with the secretary's secretarying, but she's in role and she works very hard. We'll improve next year on things, I hope.

We limit what we do and any more has to be done by someone else. People do what they can with the time and energy they have, and when no one comes forward, that's it. I refuse to do everything, so other people have stepped forward. I don't touch second hand uniform, I think it's a waste of time, but other people don't and so they handle it all. Horses for courses.

I like the people. I like the work. I like the aims. I like our success.

The only bit I don't like about a PTA is the "All PTAs are horrible" narrative and labelling women who are successful in this kind of community work as "Bossy head girl types".

I was stupid enough to do it twice! On my first stint we had a ball as we were a good team and raised around 200k plus won awards for innovation etc. After about five years of working so hard we stepped back gradually and then handed over to a new committee. I had had a fabulous time and made some great friends on and off the PTA.

A few years later I was the only parent at the school from the original committee and was asked to go back on as secretary again to sort the PTA out as they were on the verge of being ejected from the Charities Commission and had massive levels of internal theft/pilfering. Worst mistake ever. It took me six months to sort it all out. I said that I would advise the committee and do all the paperwork but would not go back to running events but that I would guide them to do it instead. Mostly the committee was very grateful except for the actual chair who refused to be 'dictated to' and eventually left after issuing a me or her ultimatum - she'd ignored my advice to not get cans of fizzy for the school disco (the look on her face when she realised that it was her responsibility to clear up the many piles of vomit was hilarious) and was stung by the complaints from parents - I think she used the phrase "you made me a laughing stock" when she issued her ultimatum. Then followed a miserable few years because the replacement chair was weak and there was much bitching and back biting. I eventually quit as it was just too stressful. I made lots of How To Guides (how to set up/run a fair etc) to help them along but they'd just ignore them (like having a fair with no first aider present) so I just quit because it was impacting my home life badly. My youngest left next year and I happily never saw any of them again. The last I heard the PTA withdrew from being a charity because they couldn't find reliable people to carry on and now just raise money ad hoc when the school needs it.

I am so admiring of people who do successfully run PTA's and are happy doing it. Sadly there are always those who do it for gain and those who think that a committee just swan around drinking coffee, gaining advantages for their kids and bitching about other parents or the school. I just wish that more parents would actually lend a hand rather than think that some other parent will do it.