I have the misfortune of experiencing my sister become unkind and bullying in nature. She is extremely intelligent & manipulative and I always feel sick and anxious before spending time with her, as she used to make me question my own mind, pick at me when no one was there to witness it like when we’d gone out for coffee or at family parties and then confuse me further by telling all our family that I am the distant one who wants nothing to do with her, has blamed my DH for the lack of our sibling relationship even though her treatment of me is to answer for it. I am her main target but she will also guilt trip my mum as I’ve seen it with my own eyes but my mum takes pity on her more and believes she is genuinely struggling/insecure and wants to change. She is a lot more forgiving than me.
I don’t know what caused her to become this way as she was fine in childhood. I have pretty much detached emotionally from my sister now but the difficulty is that she is my only sibling and has a young baby. Other family members are confused as to why I have not really seen our DN but to see them and have a relationship with them would mean tolerating my sister, and she makes me feel physically unwell to spend time around her - she’s already used them as a bargaining chip which I really can’t stand as they are nothing to do with mine and her relationship
What could cause someone to change like this in adulthood? She has been this way probably since university. Should I develop strategies against it or just steer very clear? Part of me is hopeful she will realise her ways and change, but it’s impossible to even speak to her about it as she gets very defensive and reactive