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Original poster

Did something silly

26 replies

Pleasebekind123 · 27/06/2023 02:43

Could someone please just give me a handhold and tell me its not the end of the world I'm sitting alone and crying on my couch crying with no one to talk to I'm a single mam I work shift I'm exhausted and I'm in a really low place in my life and I did something stupid in work and I'm catastrophising and I'm really struggling.

OP posts:
beccahamlet · 27/06/2023 02:46

What did you do? It's probably not as bad as you think.

Pollywoddles · 27/06/2023 02:47

I hope you’re getting some rest. As you say you’re catastrophising you must know on some level that it’s not as bad as it feels.

It sounds like you need to make some changes before you burn out. Have you got any support?

Original poster
Pleasebekind123 · 27/06/2023 02:51

@Pollywoddles I have had 3 hours sleep in the last 36 hours cause I work shift, my mam helps me out but she's 72 so it's so not fair on her the last time I had a day to myself was in April...Im messing up everything I touch...I'm afraid if I tell people what I did someone will say somethingean and I'm in such a low place I couldn't take it

OP posts:
Pollywoddles · 27/06/2023 03:07

@Pleasebekind123 Do you have a supportive manager you could speak to? Could you get signed off on sick/stress leave to give you some breathing space?

This is not sustainable. You’ll be no use to your kids if you’re running yourself into the ground. You seriously need to find a way to get off the hamster wheel, rest and reevaluate your plan going forward.

airmaxJ · 27/06/2023 03:07

Oh dear . Everyone messses up at times sounds like you didn't mean it x

Mollymalone123 · 27/06/2023 03:11

Could you take take some time off-go off sick as you sound exhausted.With some proper rest things will seem a lot better.It sounds like you know your anxiety is making you catastrophise-I do the same.Hope you get some sleep soon xx

Original poster
Pleasebekind123 · 27/06/2023 03:13

It's not even something I could get in trouble for but it was a lousy thing I did from a moral stand point

OP posts:
Ifallelsefailschocolate · 27/06/2023 03:23

You are human and have flaws just like the rest of us. 💐
When we are stressed from juggling work and other responsibilities we sometimes can make poor choices that we regret.
…. but while you are sad about the situation, that doesn’t mean that you can’t change things up from now and start again with a clearer mindset.

Original poster
Pleasebekind123 · 27/06/2023 03:29

Thank you @Ifallelsefailschocolate I had been working 4 night shifts in a row and I just made a stupid decision at 4am in the morning that I have never done before....I am so hard on my self because just can't seem to do anything right

OP posts:
Original poster
Pleasebekind123 · 27/06/2023 03:33

Thank you everyone for being so kind to me I needed support tonight

OP posts:
airmaxJ · 27/06/2023 03:34

You sound like a really nice person

MysteryBelle · 27/06/2023 03:36

Rest in the blissful peace that you haven’t done all the stupid mortifying things I’ve done in my life.

Ifallelsefailschocolate · 27/06/2023 03:36

Well sounds to me like you made a crap decision at a time when you were not able to think clearly, and that was probably one bad decision out of millions of perfectly reasonable decisions that you made in your busy life.

give yourself some time to rethink and start again with out beating yourself up
You work your butt off and deserve a break
☕️🍫
there’s some coffee and chocolate on me

MysteryBelle · 27/06/2023 03:38

You can always start again 💐

Original poster
Pleasebekind123 · 27/06/2023 03:44

I needed those kind words so much. I have had an awful 4 years and I just kept going I became a single parent and went through a horrific breakup and I do 80% of the parenting and juggling childcare I lost a parent last year after a long illness where I was one of his carers while juggling a baby and a job. I've had depression all my life but tonight it got the better of me but all your kind words have made the night not seem so dark. I shouted at my eldest child on fathers day and really upset them which is so out of character for me but we've made up and I've apologised so many times and they know that not that mammy to be nasty. I just seem to be making so many bad decisions lately.

OP posts:
airmaxJ · 27/06/2023 03:49

Your overstretched and maybe not got enough emotional support so be kind to yourself, got to look after yourself good and be kind to yourself so you can be there for others. Like on an airplane- told to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first x

Nicecow · 27/06/2023 04:02

We all make mistakes, don't be too hard on yourself. Tomorrow is a new day Flowers

5YearsLeft · 27/06/2023 04:12

OP, I’m going to give you some very, very, very gentle “tough” love. All I want to say is: you absolutely must take care of yourself. And I’m not at all pretending that’s easy when everyone needs something from you. But no one can survive on THREE hours of sleep in 36 hours. It sounds like you made a very small mistake at work that you’re being very hard on yourself about, but I promise you that ALL of us make mistakes when we’re that sleep deprived. My ex-DH used to do a job for the Forces that was a bit dangerous and required a lot of concentration, and if he’d had less than SIX hours of sleep over just a single night, they considered that to be impaired and told him he’d need to get more sleep first. I mean, sleep deprivation is considered a form of torture! You simply cannot expect to be yourself - to have the same levels of professionalism, or expertise, or even empathy - when you’ve had no sleep. It’s like trying to swim through gelatin.

Please, please for the sake of your health, consider what previous posters have suggested: going to your GP and being signed off temporarily with stress and sickness. I’m afraid if you don’t, you may soon find that you have to be signed off anyway, because the stress has made you too ill to continue. others have mentioned the danger of burn out, but it sounds to me like you’re already deep in the throes of burn out and you could desperately use some help. I wish you absolutely the best of luck, OP. I think you’ll be astonished how you feel if you could just get a week or two of normal sleep; probably, like a new person. And it might not hurt to have your GP just check all your vitamin levels as well - shift work like the type you’ve been doing can be extremely hard on your body.

Pollywoddles · 27/06/2023 07:52

OP, treat this as a cry for help, from yourself. This pressure, stress and sleep deprivation will worsen your depression. Your brain will be unable to make sensible decisions and you’ll be beating yourself up even more.

We know you need kindness but we also need to know that you’re going to make a sensible plan to help yourself going forward otherwise this is all for nothing.

sashh · 27/06/2023 08:03

Be kind to yourself.

See your Dr about meds or being signed off for a couple of weeks or to see if you can get some counselling.

You are a good person. You made a mistake, we all do, we are not designed to live on no sleep.

MossCow · 27/06/2023 08:06

I agree with the others. Treat this as a little pop up flag that the time has come to make some changes as this doesn't sound sustainable. Nobody could do this, it's not a failing on your part.

NoTeaNoShade · 27/06/2023 08:15

You sound burnt out OP, the 'little' things don't feel so little when you're utterly exhausted.

Like others have said, please look into remedying this somehow. Do you have a friend or another relative who could take your little ones so you can rest for a night or even better, two? Sleep is a game-changer when you've had enough of it.

I hope you're able to get the rest your body needs, best of luck to you.

Ifallelsefailschocolate · 27/06/2023 10:48

I’m sorry for the loss of your Dad. 💐
Hopefully you can find a moment of peace in your day today and not be too hard on yourself.

Original poster
Pleasebekind123 · 27/06/2023 15:02

Thank you everyone in the clear light of day I'm functioning better but I've made an appointment with the doctor for Friday and am gonna take some time off. My reaction last night was so extreme in response to what I did that shows my mental health is struggling. Thank yee all for your compassion yeell never know how much yee helped me

OP posts:
Pollywoddles · 27/06/2023 15:47

@Pleasebekind123 Well done you, I hope you get back on an even keel and things improve for you 🤗