Dealing with online dating uncertainty?

[janeseymour78]

I think I probably have some undiagnosed anxiety. Nothing major but the early stages of dating seems to bring it out in me.

I hit it off with a guy on a dating app, then weirdly bumped into him at a concert a few days later. We continued talking afterwards & matched each other's excitement to meet up. We agreed this weekend would be best but didn't say a time and place. He said he was really looking forward to meeting me.

He has been at Glastonbury for a week and just returned today, haven't heard a thing since he left. I've been checking the app too much and feel stressed about it all. I don't want to invest this early or care. Any wise words?

I don't know if he's going to ghost me or get back in touch and it's that uncertainty that's driving the stress.

Why not message him and set a time and a place to meet up? Surely that is one way, assuming he replies, to end the uncertainty around whether or not you are going to meet up.

In general, it's not good to be so fixated on it as it's going to cause you a lot of anxiety, as you've realised. Perhaps try turning off the notifications, moving the app icon somewhere less visible on your phone, and only checking for messages once per day at a specific time.
Certainly in the early stages, when you haven't had a date with the person yet, and shouldn't be prioritising communicating with them over other things in your life, or worrying so much about replies. Sometimes the answer is that you aren't in a healthy enough headspace to date, but sometimes you just need to do more of it, so that it becomes less of a big deal, and you realise that there are always more fish in the sea.

@Amonium I spoke too soon, he'd had a much longer journey home than expected and contacted me late last night to set up our date later this week.

I think I am in a good headspace to date, I'm just so out of the game and the unpredictability of it all.

And I don't go on many dates. I tend to do serious screening and only meet one or two. Maybe I'd have more fun if I just went on more dates to get it out of my system?!

I think the key problem is fixating like you say. Because even if I go on a second date etc with this guy I'll still feel this way between dates. Just not sure how I'm going to do that yet...I know I shouldn't but I find it hard to switch off the will he/won't he worry.

I think it's all a normal part of dating these days because there's so many options!

Hope your date goes well!