Anyone know any good jokes? Starting new job tomorrow, need a laugh…

[BabyStopCryin]

But apprehensive in a new job (same role but different industry than I’m used to) and have been enjoying (too much) a couple of weeks off…

could do with a chuckle…

Sorry all of the jokes I know aren't funny, unless you have a very strange mindset (they were funny at primary school).

I went to a zoo at the weekend. Turned out it was a shit zhu just full of dogs.

Sorry.

A woman walked into a butchers shop and asked the butcher "Do you have a sheep's head?" He replied "No, madam. That's just how I wear my hair."

A man walked into a deli and asked "Can I have a mince round?" The woman behind the counter said "You can walk however you want, love."

Well since my favourite jokes are along the lines of ‘why did the monkey fall out of the tree?’ and ‘what’s brown and sticky?’ so…

What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?

Philippe Pheloppe.

I've invented a thought controlled air freshener.....

makes scents when you think about it!

I've got a date with someone who identifies as a wheelie bin, but I can't remember if I'm supposed to be taking her out Weds or Thursday

it's amazing how similar exercise and extra fries sound..

When I was a baby my parents used to bathe me in cheap Australian lager, it was only later I realised I'd been fostered...

The other day I was attacked by someone with a bottle of Omega 3. Luckily I only sustained Super Fish Oil damage

My friend said she failed her exam in playing an Australian musical wind instrument.
I said "Digeridoo?"
She said, "No, I didn't really need the qualification."

I went to visit my friend in his new flat the other day.
He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out.
I don't like visitors.

I found stir fry all over my bed this morning.
I'd been sleep wokking again.

Why was the sand wet?
Because the sea wee-d.