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How generous are you ?

9 replies

deepfriedwithapple · 26/06/2023 12:56

What with the COL, inflation and general price/cost hike in everything, I am certainly no longer generous nor can I afford to be. On a different thread, someone said they are buying chocs for the nurses/midwife when they go in to have their baby. That's lovely, and a small box of chocs is not a lot cost wise but all the little bits quickly add up.

A friend will often buy me little things, just bits she seems as she goes about her day. This is a reasonable new thing as it never used to happen. TBH, as lovely as it is, I don't want her too as it means I feel obliged to reciprocate. This means that whereas I might be saving buying something in the sale, add in the cost for a small item for my friend and the saving has gone. I cannot afford to be doing this. Friend would be so upset if i said please do not buy me things. She thinks I can afford the little things - on paper we can, but in reality we have debts we are trying to throw as much money as we can at. It has also come to be a bit of a 'normal' that my friendship group will buy little things for each other. I don't mean buy for the whole group in one go, but, again, little bits here and there within the group These all add up.

When we go out as a group, I feel I have on occasions paid a bit extra for the meal, even though I never had anything different cost wise to the others. Eg we went out the other day. Had dinner, split the bill according to what we each had. Friends A&B paid their costs plus a bit towards the service charge (that had been added to the bill), Friend C paid her costs, then I was last and mine came to more than expected. When I checked afterwards it was because friend C had not put in for her share of the service charge, so I covered both of our services charge elements @ £5 each

Am I just a tight arse ?

OP posts:
MyFaceIsAnAONB · 26/06/2023 13:01

Hmm yeah that’s a bit weird re your friend buying you stuff TBH.

On the meals aspect, me and my friends would usually just split a bill equally rather than tot up everyone’s individual elements. That’s tiresome IMO but we are in quite a flush area.

My initial response upon just reading your title was yes I am generous with my time - always looking after friends’ kids if needed, offering to have them for stressed friends, organising child free brunches etc to nurture our friendships etc! But not necessarily generous with money. I wouldn’t think to buy friends stuff on a whim. As a thanks or birthday then yea some flowers etc. But randomly seems a bit loaded/suspicious/OTT.

roarrfeckingroar · 26/06/2023 13:05

I often buy little bits for my friends / their kids. They do the same for me and mine.

I always split a bill rather than working out exactly what I owe, even if driving so not drinking.

I don't think COL has hit me or my friends yet. It may well change when I have to remortgage later this year.

JulieHoney · 26/06/2023 13:08

You’re a bit stingy, but that’s ok. Some people aren’t that het up about money, some people are.

joplet · 26/06/2023 13:16

I'm not very generous, but I never quibble about bill splitting because I can't be bothered and don't like to make a fuss. I don't think I'd ever have checked how the bill was split.

I don't like buying little gifts for no reason or having them bought for me - it's pointless and wasteful and is never quite what you'd choose, like party bag tat. We're adults and can buy stuff for ourselves if we want something.

I don't buy gifts for staff as I think boxes of chocs are unhealthy and just a bit more pointless tokenism. At school we do an end of term collection and get the staff a voucher, which I'd much prefer.

BarbaraofSeville · 26/06/2023 13:51

You need to change how you look at it. People might think it is generous to buy spontaneous little gifts for each other, but as you have noticed, it puts pressure on others to keep up, when they might not be able to afford it.

It's also possibly a waste of resources if you're buying things for people that they don't want.

On the matter of bill splitting, you might be happy to split the bill but put yourself in the shoes of a person who can afford to eat out, but only if they pay for what they had, often choosing cheaper options to limit the cost. So imagine how they feel if their carefully chosen £20 worth of food/drink is suddenly £40 because others at the table CBA doing a bit of basic adding up and decided that the person who had less than they did should help them pay for their more lavish choices?

BlueLiquid · 26/06/2023 14:03

I think I’m more generous than average in terms of material things.

That said, I am probably financially more secure than most of my friends/family so it’s easy to drop £20 here and there to be nice/help someone out. It takes very little effort from me.

Where I’m not generous is with my time, for a number of reasons- I live a long way from my family, work full time in a very full-on job, travel a lot for work.

I think if I wanted to be truly generous, I’d give more of my time. Giving money/gifts is easy.

troppibambini6 · 26/06/2023 14:13

I've very generous with my time. I happily help out friends with childcare or just having them over for play dates or days out.
My house is always the house that has something going on and we have people over a lot. We are very social and live hosting which obviously costs money but I get pleasure from seeing people having a good time and being part of that.
Financially speaking I'm pretty generous too. If I can help I will and have no probs pay g for things for other people or their kids.

cocksstrideintheevening · 26/06/2023 14:47

The service charge thing would irritate me,
That's not about being generous it's about paying your way. I'd have no issue paying for a mate if they couldn't afford it but to just ignore it and expect you to pay is wrong.

MyMachineAndMe · 26/06/2023 15:13

Not very: I can't afford to be.

Well, I say that, but I am generous with my time if I can be with people I like; I will give lifts or give up time to listen or to practically help where possible.

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