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Elderly relative has had enough (trigger warning)

6 replies

alfredborne · 26/06/2023 12:30

She's been ill for some time with an incurable life limiting illness that is getting worse and requires invasive regular treatment. 

Recently, she took a turn for the worse and it's materialised that she hasn't had the required monitoring on top of her ongoing treatment for the past 5 years. This has had a significant and potentially lethal effect and requires additional invasive treatment on a daily basis.

The other night she had a fall for the first time in a couple of years and required the local fall team to visit, and then yesterday she went out for a family dinner and ended up violently sick at the table.

She's now said it was time she was no longer here.

I've not posted this to start a discussion on euthanasia or anything like it, but to speak to others who have been in a similar situation with a loved one. I tried googling but found not what I'm looking for. No matter what I typed I got directed yo the Samaritans and articles on what to do if you're suicidal.

My parents are aging and with it comes a plethora of ill health, it's making me quite sad, but also angry at the unfairness of life in general.

OP posts:
turnthetoiletpaperroundproperly · 26/06/2023 12:33

We had similar. I so feel for you all. When we needed it Age Concern and Macmillain were so helpful often with just a listening ear for us. I have no advice that will help really at this painful time. I am really sorry its so hard.

alfredborne · 26/06/2023 12:37

Reaching out to something like that might be a good idea, thank you ❤️

OP posts:
DisquietintheRanks · 26/06/2023 12:42

This was my father at Christmas. He had had dementia for many years and advanced heart failure plus various other health conditions. He literally turned his face to the wall, wouldn't eat, wouldn't engage, just demanded to be left alone to sleep. Died early Feb.

After consultation with his gp we signed a DNR order and respected his wishes. Kept him comfortable, kept him company and let him go. To do the alternative and actively intervene/force food and fluids into him seemed barbaric. Keeping him comfortable did require 24 care as he soon became incontinent as he was too weak to get out of bed.

It wasn't an easy few weeks tbh but I think we made the right decision. I am at peace w it anyway

AnnaMagnani · 26/06/2023 12:56

Is your mum known to a palliative care team? They would be helpful on managing the symptoms she has from her conditions and also advocating her choices with her medical team.

It is absolutely OK to have had enough and make your own choices rather than just going along what can be a conveyor belt of treatment.

Sometimes things can be very low but there is light at the end of the tunnel and it is worth pushing someone along for better times, but if this deterioration is forever your mum needs support to be heard.

caringcarer · 26/06/2023 13:11

My DH Grandmother was 94 and told her DiL, who is DH Mum she'd had enough now and wished she'd not wake up. She was in a home and every morning she said oh no I'm not still here am I? to care staff. She died in her sleep about 2 weeks later.

Patchw0rk · 26/06/2023 14:21

Macmillan are great in this circumstance, please do give them a ring.

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