Party invite politics!

[YouNeverCanTellWithBees]

If I have learnt one thing from mumsnet, it's that kids' parties are a minefield!

DD is turning 6 in September and wants a party at a particular soft play. She wants to invite 5 children from her class, 6 from other classes in her year and 3 that are my friends' kids. But all the other parties she's been to seem to have been whole class parties so is this gonna be frowned upon? Would it be better or worse to invite all the girls in her class? Her best friend is a boy from her class so it would have to be all girls plus him.

We couldn't invite her whole class (plus 9) as if they all accept there wouldn't be room in the party room. We could do it elsewhere but I'm not keen on having to do all the prep/tidying!

No advice but that sounds tricky.

Does your DC like your friend’s DC?

My DC used to invite their favourite 8-10 DC and we never did a whole class party.

I think we only did whole class in reception year. I'd let her choose - there may well be some in the whole class who she doesn't really like or has issues with. It's her bday after all. I'd prioritise her happiness over party politics. We always did.

Who cares if it’s frowned upon, it’s your child’s party do what you want. Lots of parents in my DCs school didn’t do parties or all class ones, personally I never had an issue.

Just don’t hand invites out at school and tell your DD not to talk about the party if she can help it.

Rule of thumb: the whole class, or less than half. Or all the girls, or less than half. That way, there are more people not going than going in a given group, so it seems fairer/children are less likely to feel left out.

So, assuming a class of 30, 5 from her class, 6 from another and 3 from outside of school sounds fine. Unless it's a very small class/there aren't many girls, so only one or two girls are being left out.

I agree.

The only addition I have, is consider if there is someone who always gets left out of invitations not because they are mean / rough but because of SN. Then consider inviting them as an additional.

@FarTooHotForMe yes she has chosen to invite friends' dc

@AliceMcK trouble is I don't have contact details for some of the mums, there's no WhatsApp group (or if there is I'm not in it!) so not sure how to do it outside of school

It's not frowned upon to invite 5/6 kids from a class.

What's frowned upon is inviting all but 1. Or all girls but not 1 etc.

And I'm not sure it's particularly as big an issue in RL as it seems to be on MN.

Never was when my ds was growing up anyway. And he's only 18 now!

@GetTheGoodLookingGuy it is a class of 30, 13 of which are girls.

Of course she should invite who she wants to / who her friends are.

How would you like it if someone dictated to you who you should invite to your event, because of some made up etiquette ?

Totally fine to invite as per your original post. Carry on OP.

Also this

With both of my DC we have only ever invited who they want to invite. Nobody has ever said anything. Even if they did, it’s not for them to dictate!

Similar applies to weddings. You don't invite 5 out of 6 cousins for example.

@TeenDivided You might, if you grew up with 5 of your cousins and see them regularly, but haven't seen the 6th in 20 years.

The 5, 6 and 3 seems reasonable to me, given all you have described.

It sounds fine to me given the size of the classes.

Our local soft play only caters for up to 18 kids per party so it’s never possible to do a whole class party unless you hire the whole place for a private party (costs £££££!). The only “whole class” parties we’ve been to are village hall affairs, so I really wouldn’t worry about it.

It's her party & she gets to invite whomever she pleases. Everyone isn't invited to everything all the time and that's OK.