Wishing I was a SAHM

[redroseroo]

Just that really. I never envisage being a parent full stop growing up and always maintained that I was too selfish (wanting the freedom to do my own thing) to want children. Pregnancy was a surprise (not entirely unplanned but happened unexpectedly quickly, as in within 2 weeks). And truly, at least for anyone who doesn't think they're maternal, it took for DC to arrive for me to realise how I really felt about being a parent. So I inevitably never planned and made provisions to support being a SAHM.

I'm due back at work in the next month and I have never felt dread like it. DC does spend a couple of afternoons a week away from me with MIL, but the thought of not seeing DC awake for best part of 72 hours (shift work) just feels so, so wrong for us both.

This is just a bit of a sad vent really. We technically could survive on DP's wage but I can't be honest and tell him how I feel.

Can you try and work out a plan that makes it feel
Doable?

I felt the same, couldn’t afford to stay at home and it felt wrong. Looking back, it was definitely the best decision for me, although I am not you. What would your DH say if you asked him? Mine would not have been keen. Even my paltry wage at the time minus childcare paid for our shopping.

@theskyispurple I'm very much the money manager in our relationship due to growing up with a single parent, and we definitely could make it work, but DP just likes to buy things constantly. I helped him manage and get out of significant debt when we met and although he's never gone back to accumulating multiple sources of debt, he does stick everything on a credit card still because he spends more than his disposable income each month.

@EmmaPaella He'd be really annoyed with me because 'it's not what we agreed' and would mean he'd have to pick up a bit of overtime each month as well as alter his standard of living. Because our childcare costs will be minimal (only needing to utilise paid childcare when immediate family aren't available), he doesn't see any incentive.

I know how you feel a little I think. I am not naturally maternal (don’t care for other babies) and I have quite a good career, but love my Dc so so much. Currently on mat leave and love spending every day with her. I will however be back working when she’s a year for financial reasons. If I lived in an ideal world I’d probably just work a day or two a week, but in reality I’ll be working three or four. I dread not seeing my Dc and worrying about her at nursery already. Just letting you know that you aren’t the only one. Maybe it’ll be worth it when they’re at school and we still have our jobs / careers in tact and can provide our DC’s with opportunities / days out 🤷🏽‍♀️