Oh, My Lord - I am Mortified!

[NeverDropYourMooncup]

We've got a new mattress being delivered this afternoon, so have just lifted the old mattress out to try and make life easier for the delivery men in the heat. I decided that I'd also pay the increased price for collection and disposal rather than book the significantly cheaper council one that would mean leaving it outside for a van to collect.

Oh. My. God. It's disgusting. It's not just stained from twenty years (I was skint, so replacing it just didn't happen), it stinks. Absolutely reeks, to be precise.

I've always thought I was pretty clean - the house is clean, the bedlinen is always changed like clockwork, I always ensure that any area or appliance that a workman is going to look at or touch is sparkling before they arrive. I've had a topper on it, multiple covers, I thought I'd spot treated it effectively taking into account peri, children, pets and nobody else thinking 'do not take drinks to bed with you' applied to them. But it's all there on the underside, like a particularly traumatising version of the Shroud of Turin.

DP's off to the shop to make sure that the delivery men have ice cold drinks - water and Coke - to try to lessen the horror for them. I've lugged the wheelie bins out of the way so they don't have to manoeuvre it over the garden wall (and so that the neighbours hopefully won't clock the scale of the monstrosity leaving the house) and sprayed about a gallon of freshener over it. But I can't look anybody in the eye about this.

Obviously, I've already bought a protector for the new one. And heaven help anybody who even thinks about a cup of tea upstairs in the next 10 years. Or even looking at it without a MN approved full nuclear decontamination shower first. But OH MY LORD, I fully understand the phrase cringing myself inside out right now.

I'm going to have to hide until they leave. I can't look anybody in the eye with them knowing this. Maybe I should invent an elderly relative? Or a rescue dog expiring on it? Or just leave the country...?

I recently clean my mattress with a Vax. It came up beautifully. It was clean for 2 weeks before my 3 year old decided to pee on it. Lucky she did it in daddy's side of the bed 🤣 .

@Mirabai only reason I have the zip round one is for my allergies. Tried the topper only, didn't help enough.

I have a similar issue with a single mattress that was my sons. I have no idea how we can dispose of it because I couldn't bear the neighbours seeing it! I think I will have to slice it up with a Stanley knife and take it to the tip bit by bit.

You are not alone!!

We got a new mattress a few years ago, because the old one was minging. As it had a natural fibre filling OH wanted to put it on the compost heap, in clear view, for all to see the filth. I had to be really insistent that, no, it's going to the tip. He resisted but it did go to the tip. No way was I having a minging mattress in the garden, even it was on the compost heap. It would have taken years to break down.

I always wash the paintwork before decoraters start - but was caught out with the plastic loft hatch, which I also received an offer to clean. I'm off to buy some sugar soap for the top of the kitchen units.

AMAZING!!!

But it's all there on the underside, like a particularly traumatising version of the Shroud of Turin.

😆

(Sorry to make light of your shame, OP, but that did make me giggle).

Good luck with it all, and I'm sure your cold drinks will be much appreciated and the kind gesture will be what they remember you for.

Moisture condenses on the supporting structure of the bed frame. It's why you always have slats or a mesh under the mattress.
I knew someone who put a board under their mattress and it got mildew within a couple of weeks.

People who remove old mattresses have to get close to them to move them. They need to bring bags really.
When my kingsize co-slept-on, breastmilk-blessed mattress was taken away, i draped and taped it with an old duvet cover. The shame was awful.

This is the thread that keeps on giving 🤣

Depends on the mattress, ours is not meant to be turned

I always cringe when people put mattresses or sofas on Freecycle with the quote 'it's still got some life left in it' 😳🦟🪰🪱🦠

Reminds me of the time I had to call in a plumber in my old batchelorette pad - absolutely kid you not but I’d forgot I’d left both my vibrators in the bathroom.

I was in the bedroom and heard both plumbers say ‘ooooh there’s nothing wrong with her plumbing then is there!’ With a few sniggers thrown in

If the ground could have opened up and swallowed me while I would have been exceptionally happy!!! Considered just leaving the country and changing my name.

Don’t worry - I’m sure they have seen worse!!!

When we had our dishwasher replaced, the man took out the old one and there was a dead mouse behind it! 😱We couldn't even just ignore it, because DD kept asking what it was (it didn't look much like a mouse any more, but enough that the adults knew). I was so embarrassed.

"Sorry about the mattress. It's a rental and we've got new tenants moving in next week, last one was a bit scuzzy".

Perking Faintly, you are a God/dess. (Other deities are available).

Love the stinky mattress 🎶 song, that’s brilliant!

🤣
Grosssssss with the creature emojis 🪱

I had heard many younger children these days have threadworms - that plus bedbugs - yuck.

I've come to the conclusion that no matter how much you protect a mattress it still gets stained. We have a sheet, followed by a protector and then a padded topper, the mattress is still stained! I mean how? We don't have drinks or food upstairs so we must just be middle aged sweaty messes! 🤣

This is not a disgusting story but one which is horrific nonetheless. My late DM had to go into a nursing home due to dementia and other medical problems. She was a heavy smoker.
We had to clear out her home before selling it to fund her care and as part of this stripped her bed, to find that the mattress had a huge 30-40 cm diameter circular burn hole, clean all the way through down into the bed base.
We were dumbstruck at the sight.
Goodness knows how she ever survived. She never breathed a word about it to me. The carpet on the floor around the bed was also dotted with dozens of cigarette burns; she regularly fell asleep with a lit cigarette in her hand.

The image of that burnt mattress, with the bed neatly made up over it, still haunts me.

@Fink do you have cats, by any chance? This was a regular thing when we had two.
They'd bring in the mice to 'play' with, the mice would escape, albeit wounded, and die under the fridge/dishwasher/whatever to be discovered months later, usually by a repairman too. 😊

TBH I was thinking you must have VERY niche interests.

I'm quite proud that when I got rid of the mattress I'd had 18 years it was in such good nick I could leave it outside the front of my house where all the neighbours could see it, without a qualm.

The sofabed futon, however, was a very different matter because one of my cats had murdered a mouse on it while I had the cover off it to wash. Think entrails.

Well, they've been and were so relieved to be looking at a grinning loon somebody betrayed by their DP suddenly needing the bathroom just as they knocked brandishing chilled bottles of water and Coke, that they almost charged the new one upstairs at a run to be able to get back to the van with their drinks. Their previous delivery and collection was up five flights of stairs with a Superking.

The new protector is on, DP emerged just as the best M&S bedlinen came out of the washing machine and I have already muttered dark forebodings about what I would have to do if I found out that somebody were to sit on the bed with outdoor clothes on, let alone contemplate getting into it whilst still dressed 'for a quick nap'. Obviously, I'd have to move him before committing those dark deeds, though - there's a mattress to consider.

I am going to have a wonderful cool shower, then relax on my lovely new mattress in the room with the air conditioning on full blast. I may be some time.

Thank you for the reassurance, the pisstaking and even for the song!

My old mattress looked fucking awful too I bought a bag off Amazon. I’m kinda relieved in a odd way I’m not the only one 😩