Any tips for more organised/consistent/better parenting

[T4ytoT4yto]

I don't really know what I'm asking for here 😆 but I feel like I've really lost confidence in how to parent or know what to do. My DS is 9 (nearly 10) and on the whole has been a pretty happy, polite boy. But lately he has got so all he wants to do is play on the computer (we don't have an XBox/PS yet) - he used to draw loads or watch different TV shows or do craft etc but now it's just playing football games or watching YouTube videos about football. We have limits on his computer time (2 hours a day during the week, 3 hours at the weekend). If he's not doing that he wants to play football in the garden and just seems so much more moody, grumpy and monosyllabic than he used to be.

The past few months have been crazy as we've moved house into a renovation and his dad has been away a lot for work so routine has been a bit out the window (so a lot of the time he has had more computer time than he should) and I feel a bit like I've lost connection with him, but also that I don't know how to respond/parent him? Sometimes I think he has too much computer time but then I see his friends who have no computer time limits who seem to be able to take it or leave it and I wonder if that's the best move instead? Similarly, when he's really stroppy or grumpy, sometimes I can deal with it calmly and rationalise it and other times I just get really angry with him as I hate it when he talks to people rudely.

I think I just feel a bit out of my depth and inconsistent, which I know doesn't help the situation. I think when he was a younger child I was clearer about what I thought was the right thing to do but now I feel like I just don't know and so I'm sending mixed messages and confusing the situation and him? So if anyone has any advice about how to manage the screen thing, the moodiness thing and just generally navigating this age it would be very welcome as I hate feeling like all I'm doing is nagging him/getting angry and frustrated. He's an only child as well and I worry sometimes that I put too much focus and pressure on him when if he had siblings I'd probably let a lot of his behaviour slide a bit. Help! (And thanks for reading this far!)

Bump

Hi OP, I had a similar issue last summer with 8YO DS. We moved house over the school holidays and I couldn't take much time off work so he ended up having far more time on his Xbox/switch/iPad than I would have liked.

We started doing games nights at the weekend, usually board games but now the weather is nice we do a lot of penalty shoot outs, bean bag throwing, skipping games etc outside.

DS makes a scoreboard to keep track of who wins what and we used an app to create a spinning wheel with all of the 'games' on there- he loves creating this and then spinning it to find out what we are playing next. He also loves finding more games to play, recently he's been loving charades and YouTube quizzes have always been a hit!

He loves the spinning wheel so much that we bought our own wheel from ikea and he uses it constantly.

Another thing he enjoys away from his Xbox is diamond painting, I got a simple one of of his football teams badge and he spend hours doing it!

I still sometimes have a battle to get him off his Xbox but seeing him excited about something other than screens is great.

I missed my point in all of that! DS will still sulk when he comes off his Xbox and beg for 10 more minutes!!! But if we do something fun as a family instead he snaps out of the mood quicker and I feel like it brings us closer.

Very similar situation here with my 10 year old, he's lost interest in lego and just wants to play Harry Potter or fortnite on the xbox.
I think the answer is that if you want them off screens then you need to be actively doing something together, like a bike ride or board games.
The moodiness is very difficult to deal with, I've said you can be in a bad mood but don't take it out on me. I do feel like I'm repeating this a lot though!

Thank you both so much - I love the idea of the spinning wheel @lepoppo - my DS loves creating those to choose football teams for people to support so I think he'd really enjoy that. And will look into diamond painting as he was always a massive fan of art so think that could appeal (especially if there's a football element!) And @katienana thanks for the 'you can be in a bad mood but don't take it out on me' idea - I think that's the trouble as I struggle to say succinctly why the moodiness is so annoying, so I'll definitely be using that in future.