How proactive are your kids (from around 11-12 years old) around the house?

[inamarina]

I was talking to a friend the other day who grew up in a different culture.
She works in hospitality where they employ 15-16 year olds for Saturday jobs and she was saying how much guidance most of them needed.
She was wondering if it was because they weren’t used to doing much around the house in their own homes.
According to her she was actively helping her mum around the house from around 11.
With some things her mum would have to remind her, with others she would just see what needed to be done and chip in by herself.
I thought about our own kids (young teenagers) - they do chores around the house and occasionally ask if they can help with anything in particular, but they’re not actively looking out for jobs to do.
I suppose what I‘m wondering is how many (nearly) teenagers would fulfill certain chores around the house (or later in a Saturday job) just following instructions and how many would be actually proactive?

Mine have set daily and weekly jobs so I don't have to nag and argue but they are very small jobs and i still have to remind them. The deal is they don't get pocket money til they do them. They will still try to get away with it and if I ask for extra help it's resisted.

I did a list recently of various jobs and monetary amounts so they could earn money for extra bits. I typed it up and stuck it to the wall. 3 weeks on and not one thing done. So I think I'm going to have to increase their set jobs or decrease pocket money as they are just taking the piss.
With older DS it's linked to lifts he wants, I'll take you as soon as you do x or Y. Followed by rant or argument by him but it gets done as I refuse to enter the car. It's exhausting though

I have an 11 year old. He has some things he does independently or with minimal reminders eg making bed, tidying room (sometimes), getting school stuff/sports kit ready. He will clear up messes he has made eg spilling food etc but is very unlikely to see a household job that needs doing and do it!

Ha, what you describe sounds much more familiar than what my friend was saying about her own childhood.
I was just surprised by the proactive attitude she described - I can fully imagine it in her case, but was wondering if it was also a cultural thing?

Not sure it is cultural if by that you mean where a family is from a particular country, but it is cultural in terms of it being the culture in that house.

So, for example, if from the time they were born, they always see the adults automatically clearing their place as the y leave the table, or automatically taking an empty mug back to the kitchen, and always hanging the towel back up in the bathroom and so forth, then that is the norm in their family.
If your dc have just been expected to put something in the dishwasher / wash it up after use from when they were 3 or 4, then it is just automatic - in the same way you say thank you when someone passes you something - you don't have to be told to do so, it's just "what everybody" (in your world at that time) does.

I think it is the same when dc have grown up being involved in Scouts / BB / GB / Guides / Church / well run sports clubs etc, where the expectation is that everyone stacks the chairs at the end, or washes the pots, or collects the cones, or takes down the nets. You just know and understand it is part of the activity and don't really think anything of it. You see it when people come back from a camp or school residential - there are some families that automatically form up a chain to empty the minibus and store the equipment, whereas there are other selfish tossers that pick up their child and their child's bag and go home.

I've three DC & they vary in terms of proactivity. 2 DS (14 & nearly 12) & DD (16).

They all do a lot though, and probably more than most teens. I'm a single parent, no involvement from their father, work f/t & they do a lot of sports. By necessity, they all need to cook, tidy up, put on washes, iron.

However, if they could they'd probably ignore it all! But know they can't.

My eldest has a summer job in hospitality. She is way better & more accomplished at it than I was in my first jobs, where I hadn't a clue & wasn't all that hardworking.

@UsingChangeofName

Very good points, I agree with this

Mine have tasks relating to their own care that they are fully responsible for (eg doing their own laundry, making their lunches) and they are proactive with those, but less so with the things that aren't specifically assigned to them, so they might empty the dishwasher or put out the recycling if they noticed it needed to be done, but they would be very unlikely to notice.

For my autistic 12yo - he automatically does anything that is in his normal routine (aka reinforced at an early age by me 🤣) - so making bed, clothes in wash basket, turning lights off, opening curtains, coats and shoes away, clearing cups / plates to sink, getting a snack / drink etc. but anything that isn't normal for him, like putting shopping away or incidental washing up or putting washing on - no chance!

I'm really against any link between chores and pocket money-but I think I'm in a minority of one here!

Mine didn't have set jobs. But they were expected to jump to it and help in an age appropriate way when asked from the age of about 3. I was lucky that I never had any massive fights about it. Maybe because I've worked with horses all my life so I'm used to holding my nerve with wilful creatures!

My dd11 doesn't have set chores. As it's only me, dh and her we all sort of tidy up after ourselves so house is never too messy. When I do a clean (about twice a week) she will chose what chores she likes- hoovering, dusting, mopping and get on with it. She will do the worktops daily and sort the blankets/ cushions out in lounge.

She's pretty independent in other ways, for example never needs to be told to shower, tidy her room, do homework etc. I grew up one of 6 and I did a lot more (I was oldest). But there was a lot more to do and my parents both worked full time.

I'm really against any link between chores and pocket money-but I think I'm in a minority of one here!

No I agree, broadly.

I expect my DC to do household tasks because they live here, it's their home & they need doing. So they are not linked with pocket money.

However, with my middle child I've had to change it a bit - he's a teen now so needs more money for train, outings etc and as he's pretty dire, he is now getting a set list of tasks linked with it. He still has to do basic everyday chores (drying up, dishwasher, washes etc) which aren't linked to pocket money.

Both of mine help when needed and Dd (12) will tidy / dust / Hoover her room off her own back and does cook dinner but that's it.