What is in your loft and sewing box?

[FedgeHund]

Apparently I am not allowed occasionally used items or decorations in mine, a sewing box it's to be amalgamated with my adult childs apparently.

What is in your loft?

If you have adult children do they think they have the right to control what is in your home? Do they take your sewing box, fabrics etc? I had no interest in my parents possessions and never stole from them which is what I feel is being done to me.

I am late 40s not 80, so have plenty of years to use my possessions.

I am intrigued to know what is kept in other's lofts.

She has no job a recent grad, and lectures won't mark anything to make gaining employment easier, so can't rent elsewhere, where do you suggest I place her on the street?

This is all sounding a bit off if you don't mind my saying.

If she's bullying you don't allow her to move in. You seem unable to stand up to her.

She can get temporary work and fund a house share until she gets a career job, just like tens of thousands of others, and generations of graduates before her. If she is as awful a bully as you say, you must do everything to stop her joining your household. Or are you asking us to find a way to change her personality? That is much harder than just keeping her out of your home, if you are unable to be the boss of your household when she is part of it.

You should are what the government wrote about her paternal aunt, her staff were unable to stand up to her. Nature/nurture , that's the way that some people are and her paternal side have incredibly strong personalities. I think I am doing a great job considering. I just wanted perceptive that others keep a sewing box and items in their loft that they occasionally use and maybe use several times one year and maybe not use for several years.

Of course they do, that’s perfectly normal - but surely it’s the least of the actual issues you are dealing with?

I know. I just needed to ground myself with that, it helps in general when i deal with strong people, and double check, so that I can then turn around and focus on them and stop focusing on me being the problem and taking all the blame.

I was living my life, minding my own business.

Ask your child where her name appears on your deeds. It doesn't. She is about to be a house guest, so your house your rules, which you have successfully lived by so far.

As to your seasonal items, explain to her you already have a hobbies executor who will take care of such items when you die because you already are aware that your relations do not realise their true value. My knit group has a team ready to swoop of yarn, kit and fabric stashes, I suggest you do the same with your chums.

As to purloining your sewing tin, in the age old response of Mumsnet, "NO!" is a complete sentence... and maybe send her to her room to think about it!

I think once she gets work she may calm down somewhat. Can she not obtain some type of temping work especially over the summer to show work ethic pending finding more suitable employment? At least it will get her self esteem on a more even keel. Young people are very anxious about their future these days with the cost of accommodation utilities food being so terribly high. It is very hard for them.

I agree, she is stressed, the people she lived with were very destructive, they have had to pay lots of fines, they wouldn't have been nice to live with. She saw the parents leave the most disgusting mess, 18 bin bags, she could not take the smell of 8 and removed them, it will have impacted her having to live there and to be unemployed.

She will calm down, she is better normally at managing anger as she grew up, rather than take it out in me. I am not putting up with being bullied I assure you. She has no where else to go and that is the situation in the same way she isn't going to reverse robin hood and remove joy from my life.

I guess the knitting women who help out the deceased are enjoying their hobby, we get joy like a child from a toy when the busy parental care in life is done, why thieve it? I worked hard parenting children alone, I deserve to enjoy my life now the hard work is done.

I assume the parents and other students have housekeepers in their homes, due to the way both behaved.

Then she needs to take charge of her own destiny so she isn't in that situation again. By working at whatever she can find for now until she can get the job she wants. She doesn't have to be placed on the streets. She can live somewhere else.

Some students are filthy. But none of that is relevant to you have four sets of lights stored in a spare bedroom.

I'm 50's. If any of my children decided to tell me how to run my life I'd tell them exactly how I felt. How rude of your daughter.

Make sure you have control and stamp this out immediately.

Tell her you feel secure surrounded by YOUR things in YOUR house. That however well meaning she is being extremely disrespect and she must not take your things or tell you how to manage your home.

If she's that worried about clearing after you are gone tell her you'll sort it in your will and a company will come in so she doesn't have to.

Strange, disrespectful behaviour.

We cannot all luxuriate in opulent mansions with perfect men. OP has been bringing up three children on her own with the father deceased and now has to put up with renting alone. The children must surely miss their father but are still young and needy with much left for op to see to. It is not as if she can rely on access and maintenance in any shape or form after all. Her daughter may be an adult but is a young adult and the official age of adolescence ending is 25. I read something the other week about young people's brains still not being fully developed until late twenties. I do not believe in throwing out our offspring unless they are a danger to the other family members. Every household is different with different needs.

I do not believe in throwing out our offspring unless they are a danger to the other family members.

I think most people agree that you shouldn't throw your children out but the OPs daughter is making her feel threatened and violated she says. She doesn't want to live like that and why should she?

Plenty of jobs on Indeed Reed thebigjobsite and totaljobs. Temporary contracts/temp to perm etc just take it from there. I should know as ds has just found a job (mine is only 18). Such a relief for us as money tight.

Obviously the way you wrote the OP was to get all respondents on-side, but this paints quite a different story, alongside your other posts
To me it's a loft, to her it's her old bedroom. I have two tiny little areas to store items and they are not boarded so don't use as it's awkward.

Seasonal decorations (I stated seasonal decorating during lockdown, I enjoy it) are in what she deems her room, what I call my storage area, I am not going up in ladders I go up stairs, it was my hobby room, storage room I was part way through organising.

It's a very big room. I said I am having half as storage and buying a curtain to split it, she wants the whole room, I want half, it's my home.

What I'm reading now is that, whilst your dd was away at University, you have taken over her room with a load of stuff, and you expect her to be happy living in half a room with a pile of stuff filling up the other half ?

That's a very different scenario from your OP, and nothing to do with lofts or sewing boxes. It is everything to do with making your daughter feel this is no longer her home

She is attending interviews, so gets beyond application stage, still waiting on responses.

To be fair in this heat I wouldn't have enjoyed the other students and their parents leaving 18 bags of fridge freezer contents knowing the bins would not be removed for six days. Never mind their washing up in the sink abandoned and noting even curtsey wiped.

I don't have rotting food stinking the place out.

I am certainly not putting up being bullied and the students stinky bin bag trauma being taken out on me.

Great then that she is pushing for a job. Maybe use one half of the attic once any job starts and not until as she will need her individual space more meanwhile. Try to use it only the hours she works if viable depending on schedules. Good luck op.