Please help - flight tonight

[Reginaldperrin]

I have a fear of flying, and I have to fly this evening. Im leaving my kids for the first time ever and am terrified the plane is going to crash.

I really hate feeling like this. I want to get on that plane and feel happy and relaxed but Im already sweating about it. Can anyone please give me some tips that could help???

The thing that has really helped me is to download something really compelling (and a bit shit!) on Netflix onto an iPad and then watching it from as soon as I get on the flight. The safety instructions make me worse so I just watch something else!! Headphones and volume up.

As said, watch the crew

After take off, the pings you hear are notifying the crew they’re safe to start preparing everything so you’ll notice they get up at that point although seat belt signs are still on

I’ve taken to listening to an audio book during take off so I can’t hear the aircraft noises - but you could also listen to a meditation podcast I’ve you time to download one

Take a look at flight radar 24 - see how many flights are in the air in real time, the chances of being in a crash are tiny

I hate flying and have a routine, based on flight research, on how to be as safe as possible on flights.

1. Sit as near as possible to emergency exits, at least within 6 rows.
2. Wear natural fibres, long trousers, and flat shoes.
3. Ensure feet are tucked back under seat during take off and landing.
4. Keep your seatbelt fastened during the flight.
5. practice taking your seat belt off before take off. The mechanism is different to a car seatbelt and many people get it wrong under stress conditions. The aim is to create automatic muscle memory.
6. The pilot won’t bring up the wheels until s/he is happy, so as soon as you hear the wheels coming up and locking in you can relax.
7. Turbulence is normal- it’s just dense/less dense air. Try not to let it worry you. It will be bumpy going through clouds.
8. I like to sit by a window so the beauty of the view distracts from my fear. A good book can also be a great distraction.

Hope some of that helps. Any crashes are very thoroughly investigated because of the financial and economical size of the flight industry so lessons are learned and applied. This is why safety has improved so much over the decades.

If they suddenly sat you next to a little lone 6 year old who was terrified, what would you say to her during the take off and landing to reassure her? Whatever that is, repeat it to yourself in your head during those times.

Rationalising by watching the cabin crew is fine until the pilot comes on the announcement and says "cabin crew please be seated as we're going through some turbulence" and then your coping mechanism is gone! Same with rationalising that it's a safe form of transport - as soon as you get some turbulence that rationale goes out of the window. It's an irrational fear and can't be rationalised away. Of course it's good to know all these facts about how safe flying is but that alone won't get rid of the fear.

Get the pills OP! For me what's worked well to get over my fear is reading all the rational "flying is super safe" "this is how turbulence works" etc (oh and it's also interesting to close your eyes when you're in a car - you'll feel just how bumpy the ride is even though the road is really smooth). Then taking pills, getting on the plane and when I'm feeling scared I will close my eyes and count because the turbulence and take off never lasts long. I've flown quite a few times since developing this fear and the last flight I took I felt a lot more confident.

Classical music (Mozart works for me), something you really want to watch on your iPad, a stiff drink, closing your eyes and prayer.

I also always like to see bored flight attendants. I figure you can fake many emotions but wouldn't choose to fake boredom.

Good luck OP

That is an incredible commitment to overcoming a phobia, even though it didn't work I'm mega impressed!

practice thinking in the present. So don’t think ahead to what could happen. Think only of now where you’re safe and it’s all normal.

be present and don’t let anxiety about the future scare you.

Too late now but if you fly frequently try hypnosis - it works very well for phobias.

When you get on the plane look at one (or more) of the cabin crew. Now imagine then getting off the plane at the end of another long, boring, uneventful day at work. They've got home, put their slippers on, had a cup of tea and are watching TV. Nothing interesting happened that day, the same as nothing interesting happened the day before and nothing interesting will happen the day after.

When you're bored with being in their life, start imagining what you're going to do on your holiday - what you will see, heard, taste, smell and feel. Lose yourself in those images and the memories of previous holidays to really build a picture of how much you're going to enjoy this holiday. You'll be there before you know it.

Yes, keep in mind that in comparison to a flight going down, you have a much, much higher chance of being in a fatality on your way to/from the airport on the ground. If you look at it with that lens it becomes a bit shoulder shruggy.

This just isn't that helpful though (at least for me). Because yes you can rationalise that more people die in car accidents but you can counter rationalise that with 1. way more people travel by car and 2. I, personally, am safe in my car as I make sensible choices like not drinking, speeding or texting and always wearing a seatbelt.

Oo actually one other thing that helps me with flying is rationalising that I have made a good choice by flying with a regulated airline that meets European safety requirements (ie all the airlines that fly in Europe).

Thank you all so much. I’m really going to try some of these suggestions.

the worst part for me is landing. The bumpy up and down feeling of going through the clouds, the loud banging noises, the feeling that the plane won’t stop on the runway.

Download nice things on Netflix - ear pods- block it all out!
a little bit of zanex (or Sudafed?) if things get bad? Or glass of wine!

this helps me with landing - look out the window and you will see how smooth your flight is. Every metre you lower down the sooner the flight is over. Landing is easy for a pilot like stopping a car.

@Worldgonecrazy

That's a good list but (and sorry butyes it's a nit pick):

1. " Ensure feet are tucked back under seat during take off and landing".

..doesn't cover the few aircraft around that have rear facing pax seats..More correctly it's always feet tucked away towards the tail..

i

Terrible idea.

Too late now. But get some Valium off the doctor. There are some online hypnotherapy podcasts. These worked for my husband
So do for next time. for now just drink brandy

Because yes you can rationalise that more people die in car accidents but you can counter rationalise that with 1. way more people travel by car and 2. I, personally, am safe in my car as I make sensible choices like not drinking, speeding or texting and always wearing a seatbelt

No. That’s not how stats work. Stats are based based on the same ratio’s. So, it’s exactly how it works. The way you are calculating it is not valid from a stats point of view.

Pahahahahahahah so sorry, but that made me laugh
I used to hate it but then it occurred to me I was getting on that plane regardless so I may as well enjoy it
I buy a new book and have a different drink on board , something I don't keep at home , and my mindset has connected them IYSWIM

Take some boiled sweets to suck to stop your ears popping.

Firstly it's normal to be apprehensive of flying.

Definitely something from the chemist

Maybe a podcast/Netflix download and headphones to take your mind to a happy place outside of the plane?

Nice smells help me - spray something nice but familiar at the duty free shop.

Other distractions? Snacks, Paint your nails, read, delete emails, sort photos, contacts on your phone.

Good luck and just think of what's on the other side!!!

Prescribing Valium for phobias is against guidelines now. I have a mental “reset” button. I hate take off & turbulence (weirdly, as soon as the pilot cpomes on to say we’re starting the descent & the seatbelt signs ping on, my irrational brain kicks back and puts its feet up 🤷🏻‍♀️) so when I’m feeling anything less than full on panic/like I’m going to cry, I metaphorically press the button, tell myself it’s going to be OK, I’m OK, everything is OK, and continue that through my ups & downs during the flight. I also look around at everyone else as seeing people happily looking out of the window, or intently watching a film also reassured me slightly.

Also living under the Heathrow flight path and reminding myself how smooth, chilled & under control the flights coming in every 30 seconds look, even though they don’t feel that way at the time.

Thank you. I have never heard of pax seats so that’s something learned.

For anyone interested this recommendation arose after the Kegworth air disaster of 1989.

You're welcome....rear facing seats have been around for a while on some business cabins, some airlines, some fleets..

In the interests of those really inclined to worry it's also perhaps worth being aware that sometimes the crew can be quite happy with what is going on but have to delay raising the gear... (point 6)

Avoid caffeine. I'm nervous when flying and I find having caffeine makes it even worse. Rescue remedy drops help and the other thing that helps me is watching how relaxed the cabin crew are.