friendships

[emilysquest]

I am a very regular Mumsnetter on various topics, have NC for this. I am not looking for sympathy or even advice, but I just wondered if I am unusual.

I read all the time on MN about people's relationships with their friends, specifically women's relationships with their women friends. I don't really have any friends. Well, I have one very old friendship, dating back over 30 years, with someone who trained with me in our professional field all those years ago. She lives in another country from me now and I see her maybe once or twice a year and WhatsApp or phone her about once a month. I discuss general life issues with her but I would be unlikely to talk to her about very intimate issues, for example problems in my marriage.

Other than her, I am "friendly" with a number of women, mostly through my DH, who is a very sociable person, but would not confide anything personal to them.

I am in my late 50s, successful professional, married, have children. I suffer from anxiety but otherwise am pretty "normal". Am I very unusual in not having friends? Am I an unsociable/unfriendly old git?

Are you happy with this? That’s all that matters really.

I enjoy adult company, chatting and meeting up with different people. DH works long hours, isn’t that chatty, and I don’t have work colleagues, so I would feel quite lonely without friends.

However many people are happy with their own company or just their partner / kids.

Neither is right or wrong.

I don't feel unhappy with it. But I suppose I wonder whether I might be more happy/joyful in my life, and possibly less anxious, if I actually had some friends. I don't really know, I guess, as throughout my adult life, since I left university, the situation has been the same. I have had two extremely sociable husbands and have always been "friendly" with people and done plenty of socialising and entertaining as a result. But when I read about people having their close friends to confide in etc I wonder if I have missed something.

I'm the same way @emilysquest . In my case its because I have moved so many times throughout my life. I have also gone through a lot of trauma and one sided friendships. When I meet people I connect with though, I'm an incredibly loyal friend. It just seems to be something that is difficult sometimes though.

You might be missing out but there are countless posts here from people whose friendships have caused them a lot of grief. So you might have dodged a bullet