What's an appropriate gift to take when staying at a friend's house?

[moranming]

We are going to stay with some friends of ours for the weekend. We have known them professionally for 5-6 years, but only in the last year did we become friendly outside of work.

They are very generous and always insist on paying for food or supplying us with wine when we visit. We haven't been to this house before as it's in the countryside.

What is considered too little or too much to take?
So far we are going to: bake something to take, a £20 bottle of plonk, £50 box of chocolates. I think that's enough, but DH wants to take another £40 bottle of wine.

I do take wine and I like receiving it. I was brought up to believe it was incredibly rude, though!

2 bottles of nice wine and flowers. Forget the baking and chocolates

I have a lot of visitors.....the most appreciated ones are those who say in advance they'll treat me to a lunch/dinner out, or bring nice candles! Or both....

I think what you have already is enough, but if they aren't the sort who would be offended by all that (I think it would freak me out frankly!), then an extra bottle of wine is fine too.

What I personally appreciate most (well, theoretically anyway, it's yet to happen!) would be a guest saying in advance that they'd like to take us out for dinner. It means one less meal to plan, shop for and cook. Generally, our houseguests rock up largely empty handed and expect days of 3 meals a day plus snacks and drinks without offering to pay for a thing. 🙄I've told dh no more houseguests as I'm fed up with shelling out so much money to feed and water them. Even when we go to visit them (staying in airbnb as no spare room), they come to ours for dinner. But I digress....

"So far we are going to: bake something to take, a £20 bottle of plonk, £50 box of chocolates. I think that's enough, but DH wants to take another £40 bottle of wine."

I would keep the lovely baked gift and the bottle of plonk. Ditch the expensive chocolates and replace with a bottle of red and some flowers.

Etiquette books suggest that it's better to send thanks and a gift after the visit.

Something perhaps you've observed they could use and enjoy, like fancy fireplace matches or a pool toy or book in their area of interest.

Rude to take wine?

I'd take 2 x nice wine, baked thing and flowers assuming they're there all the time. If this is their holiday weekend place, flowers are a bit pointless.

If you're going for the weekend, and will be eating and drinking at theirs, I'd also take a couple of bottles of nice wine and maybe some chocolate (not sure about the £50 ones but that's up to you).

I also think it's quite nice to bring something that's unique. So your idea of something you've baked is great. A friend turned up at a similar weekend recently with a couple of loaves of her gorgeous home-made bread. We've taken cocktail making stuff sometimes - not because the hosts can't make cocktails but because I'm a little famous for good cocktails!

With wine you need to find something that is not the most expensive but tastes nice. This is so they know you though about what to buy them.

So your £20 one would hit the spot better than the £40.

Might be just me but I'd take at least 2 bottles of wine, flowers, and fresh fruit. I'd eat the chocolate on the drive there.

I'd just add a bouquet of flowers.

Two bottles of wine is a good shout, but instead of taking flowers I’d opt for a really nice plant pot and plant. I love taking plants that will last. If they’re on social media, I’d look out for a few photos that capture their style and look for a high end pot.

And while you're there, buy them lunch or something.

@Clymene "
Rude to take wine?"

Yes- because it suggests that you think your hosts won't provide enough. Best to send flowers with your bread and butter letter after you get home.

I’d do the baked goods, one bottle of nice wine, and then I’d spend the £50 on a candle rather than chocolates personally

Do they particularly like chocolate?

I'd bring a couple of bottles of decent wine and flowers or a plant. Pay for a meal out.

I'd swap the £50 chocs for two £25 bottles of wine and then spend the other £20 on the chocolates. If there are kids in the house I'd bring some unsophisticated sweets for them too.

Ide take a nice bottle of English sparkling wine, the nice chocolates and the baked something, then send flowers and card after thanking them.

I honestly think £100 worth of stuff is far too much. And £100 worth of stuff AND another £100 or more for lunch is ridiculous! You could get an air b&b for that. I'd be deeply embarrassed if a guest of mine did this. Far to try-hard.

Goodness! I've never heard that. My family and friends have been rude our whole lives without realising!

If you're spending more as a guest than the hosts are as hosts then there's something wrong.

You don’t need to spend as much as £50.

I wouldn’t expect that of any guest in my house. Personally I’d buy the host a box of chocolates, flowers, planted pot or a bottle of wine etc.

Wouldn’t spend anymore than £20.

I see the chocs are getting some hate! It's just a big box of some specific ones that I know they like. Houseplants wouldn't work as they aren't at the house much, and they have plenty of fresh flowers from their garden (I'm told)

@moranming You're spending 100 quid. That's far too much, honestly.

This ^

Honestly, I’d be spending anywhere between £5-20. Maybe no more than 15 or 20£