Huge introvert here and absolutely hate attention of any kind. I've always (touch wood) done fine at work but I've spent so many days and nights worrying about making mistakes if I added it all up it would be at least a full year. I suffer with massive imposter syndrome and I never believe compliments. I'm 41 but often just feel like a frightened, needy little girl.
So this morning I was in a meeting with four other colleagues (one of whom I'd never met) and although all of them are lovely I started feeling the panic rising. In the end it was nothing massive but we were looking at a draft of some documents I'd put together last month. It turned out part of it needed tweaking and I've done it now, but oh my word the instant terror thinking I'd fucked up hugely. The wobble must have only lasted three minutes before I calmed down and pulled myself together but it felt like an hour. I just wanted to run away. I didn't speak if I didn't need to because I knew my voice would be wobbly and I'd look incompetent and I put my hands behind my back because I knew they'd be shaking. My cheeks were probably bright purple just standing there like a fool. Just tried to tell myself to get a grip and not worry about it like so many others seem to do. The comedown felt amazing like a breeze of cold air and after that I tried make up for it and say as much as possible but I feel so stupid. To feel so exposed with anxiety like that in front of four very senior, confident people. I might as well have been stood there naked.
I feel utterly downtrodden. If I'd known beforehand what to expect and feel the way I do now instead of being put on the spot like that I'd have handled it so much better. But I just wanted to bolt out of the room. I couldn't stop panicking. I was trying not to breathe loudly too, which made me go dizzy.
Mortified. They probably talked about it all afternoon, or even worse pitied me. Work place anxiety is a 50 year sentence.