14m old sleep - what would you do?

[AnnaTortoiseshell]

I really need an outside perspective on this. DD2 is 14m old and her sleep is up and down. She can have patches where she sleeps through fairly reliably but the patches are always interrupted by something and she is prone to split nights. She has these when she naps too long in the day, so I cut her nap to 1.5 hours. Sometimes she throws them in at random as well. Like last night.

When she wakes in the night if it’s not a split night I can rock her back to sleep and put her down and that’s usually fine for the rest of the night. However usually I’ll be up for an hour. When it’s a split night she will sit on my lap and chat happily but will scream and bang her head on the cot if I put her down. She goes back to sleep in my arms after 2 hours.

Rocking her is hurting an injury I have on my shoulder and the pain from this then keeps me awake. And to be honest if it’s a split night I feel really angry with her. Sometimes I have to walk away to calm down. I know it’s not her fault and I feel like a crap mum. If I try to soothe her in the cot she screams. Plus, if it’s not a split night usually there is something wrong if she wakes up, so I do need to pick her up.

I’ve tried bringing her into bed but she just crawls around on me. We’ve stopped feeding so that’s not an option.

Wise women of mumsnet, what should I be doing when she wakes in the night?!

[Jadeypie]

My DS was a waker he's two now and sleeps right through with the odd wake up but I think that could be dreams.

I feel for you op it's hard and you think you've cracked it and then something goes wrong again. Is there anything that u think is disturbing her sleep like teeth? I did leave a load of dummys for him to find and a bottle of water in his cot and that seemed to do the trick but then he is good at resettling himself.

I hope u find the solution and don't forget YOU ARE NOT A BAD MUM!!! (We all have to walk away sometimes) xx

[BertieBotts]

We have to make sure our toddler doesn't nap too late or his night sleep is poor.

For the rocking to sleep could you wean off this slowly by rocking a bit less each time, or a bit less vigorously, stopping when not quite asleep etc until you're just holding? Then if that is still unsustainable and she is still waking up you could move to rubbing her back in the cot, then holding hand, then just being nearby.

When we had split nights I'm afraid I just took them into the living room and did something to entertain myself like put the TV on or read on my phone or went on my computer. I didn't find it made them stop any quicker when I stayed in the bedroom feeling angry. They grew out of this.

Do check if you're doing dinner too late as sometimes especially with DC1 and 2 we'd get into a bad cycle of dinner so late they are too tired to eat much and then they wake up starving in the night. With DC3 we are really rigid with early dinnertime and also just feed him if he's too tired to eat properly.

[Goldencup]

Cut the nap right back to 45 mins- 1 hour. This works better out and about in a buggy or car than at home in the cot.

[AnnaTortoiseshell]

@Jadeypie Thanks for the encouragement. DD1 was terrible for split nights and stopped eventually. It’s good to be reminded that it doesn’t last!

@BertieBotts yes getting up goes against everything that you read online but I did wonder if it would make me feel less furious in the middle of the night. It does feel like I just have to wait out a split night, which is really tough at 2am.
Thankfully DD2 is a brilliant eater so it’s definitely not hunger.

@Goldencup thanks for your reply. What makes you say to cut the nap? Current routine is:
wake 6am
nap 11.45/12 - 1.15/1.30
bed 7.30
cutting the nap feels drastic especially as it’s so short anyway at 14 months, but maybe it would help

[reluctantbrit]

DD had similar wake up/bedtime hours and at 14 months slept 90 minutes in the morning and 1 1/2 - 2 hours in the afternoon. She skipped the morning nap when she was 17 month and went for 2 hours in the afternoon.

I wonder if your child is not sleeping enough, especially with a longer stretch awake overnight.

I would look for things like teething first. Then see if there is a pattern of night waking and what she had for dinner. Maybe there are some foods which aren't good for her in the evenings.

[Isomissmyoldlife]

@AnnaTortoiseshell

@Jadeypie Thanks for the encouragement. DD1 was terrible for split nights and stopped eventually. It’s good to be reminded that it doesn’t last!

@BertieBotts yes getting up goes against everything that you read online but I did wonder if it would make me feel less furious in the middle of the night. It does feel like I just have to wait out a split night, which is really tough at 2am.
Thankfully DD2 is a brilliant eater so it’s definitely not hunger.

@Goldencup thanks for your reply. What makes you say to cut the nap? Current routine is:
wake 6am
nap 11.45/12 - 1.15/1.30
bed 7.30
cutting the nap feels drastic especially as it’s so short anyway at 14 months, but maybe it would help

That doesn't sound like a lot of sleep....? I think they still need more at that age. Sleep begets sleep, I was always told. Could she be overtired?

When my DD was at that age we wer zombies with all the broken nights and then I read Tizzie Hall's Save Our Sleep. It took one night of sleep training and she's slept through pretty much ever since. I've been a bit evangelical about it ever since!

[AnnaTortoiseshell]

@reluctantbrit @Isomissmyoldlife I know, it doesn’t sound like a lot of sleep. Both my DC have been very similar and have had split nights when they’ve had more sleep. She had a two hour nap the other day and a split night that night. Letting her nap for longer guarantees a split night, so less sleep overall, so I cap the nap. They would both happily nap for longer but it’s a disaster if I let them.

[AnnaTortoiseshell]

@Isomissmyoldlife thanks for the recommendation I will look into this

[Goldencup]

DS was (and still is) a short sleeper. We gave up cot naps at maybe 16m and limited to 45 minutes if we wanted to get him down by 7:30. He usually woke around half 6. He stopped napping completely by 2.5 and has only ever slept between 10 and 11 hours at night as an absolute maximum. He is at Oxbridge now and will get up at 8:30 or 9 having gone to bed at 2 or 3.

[Jadeypie]

@AnnaTortoiseshell what about a earlier bedtime? Because she's awake from half one maybe she's overtired by half seven? My DS sleeps from twelve to half one and goes up about quarter to seven and he's asleep by seven or does that no work either? These kids and sleep is hard 🤣 xx

[Percypiglover]

I was slightly going to suggest the opposite, is it not enough sleep, it's not much of a nap considering she is having a broken night too. I have no idea if it will work but just a thought that maybe the old 'sleep breeds sleep' saying.