Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Parental involvement in sorting out unkindness from peers

8 replies

Weal · 20/06/2023 17:38

I’m watching my son at his sport group. He’s 9. For some reason today a girl in the group, also about 9, is being quite unkind to him, flicking his ear etc. he just ignored it and moved away. Normally I would have stepped in and told her to stop. However I was very aware today that 2 older (guessing 13 years old ish) boys had started the group. So I held back from ‘defending’ him as I worried that it maybe he is now at an age where it isn’t helpful to have your mum sticking her nose in to minor issues in group situations.

I think my plan is to obviously watch and see how it goes and step in if needed ,but to also watch for how he manages the situation and speak to him about how to manage these situations later away from the group.

just wondered what people thought are on helping children of this age and older in dealing with irritating or unkind behaviour. Am I right to be wary about stepping in and embarrassing him or taking away his chance to manage it? He is my oldest so I’m just considering how to change my approach appropriate to his age. Obviously when they are younger it feels more appropriate to step in earlier in conflicts.

OP posts:
5Pioneers · 20/06/2023 17:39

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Weal · 20/06/2023 17:42

yes I may well have a word with him at the end. The older boys are on the edge of joining the adults. I do the adult class and know there are some 14-15 year olds in with us. They’re a difficult in between but I can see them in with the 7-11 yr olds in brining a different dynamic.

OP posts:
reluctantbrit · 20/06/2023 18:26

Make the supervior aware of it and speak to your son after it away from the venue.

He needs to learn to deal with these things himself but also needs to know you are in his corner and helping him to understand how to do it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Raindropsarefallingheavily · 20/06/2023 18:27

How about catching her eye so she knows you are watching? Or a whisper that you saw her bullying your ds....

Caradonna · 20/06/2023 18:32

Is she showing off because the older boys are there?

DS says loudly - stop that, are you FIVE years old

2reefsin30knots · 20/06/2023 18:38

Sounds like he dealt with it perfectly well and you are massively helicoptering.

I'm not sure you even need to stay and watch the session, never mind step in to deal with a minor wind-up. Leave your DS and the coaches to it- maybe read a book somewhere.

Weal · 20/06/2023 20:52

I stay, as do some other parents, because my class is directly after theirs and I don’t live local enough to come and go. I also sometimes help out as I do the sport too, if an additional adult is needed for demonstrations.

You’re right though he did handle it well and I am glad I didn’t say anything or step in. Just finding my way now he is getting older and adapting how I manage different situations.

we spoke on the way home. He wasn’t bothered by the girl flicking him, but I do think he struggled with the older boys who were quite piss takey and rough (typical teenage behaviour). I think it’ll be a good learning curve for him. We don’t really have older boys in our family/friends that he spends time with, so he hasn’t much experience of being around groups of teen boys.

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 20/06/2023 20:57

He will soon learn to say loudly "Oh my god, stop TOUCHING me X. Why are you so OBSESSED with me."

It sounds like she was being annoying rather than unkind so I would let them sort it out themselves.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page