Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Do you automatically clean up after your OH?

45 replies

Funkyslippers · 19/06/2023 20:08

For example, if they leave their plate/cup etc in the living room would you pick it up and take it to the kitchen? Would you put their cereal bowl etc in the dishwasher as a matter of course or would you just leave it where it is? I tend to leave stuff for him to clean up himself but wonder if I'm being a bit petty

OP posts:
Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 19/06/2023 22:11

Yes, though I seethe silently about it (then blow up once every 6 weeks or so)

LizzieSiddal · 19/06/2023 22:14

@Funkyslippers are you clearing up after him all the time? You really shouldn’t be, he isn’t a young child.
Dh and I clear up after ourselves and the occasional time we don’t, the other will do it, but that doesn’t happen very often.
Also we have a thing that whoever cooks, the other clears up the kitchen.

Different relationships will have different ways of working but it really is not fair if one person is doing more than the other.

pimplebum · 19/06/2023 22:17

When dinner is over one of us takes the plates in. Mostly me but then they mostly prepare dinner

It's petty resentment that ends relationship

user1472831787898898865 · 19/06/2023 22:21

Yes I do because he would happily leave things out all day as it just doesn't bother him. He only takes action when it absolutely NEEDS doing whereas I hate things piling up and getting on top of me.

WeWereInParis · 19/06/2023 22:23

Yes but only in the same way he does for me. For example, if we're both in the living room having lunch, or a drink, whoever happens to get up first will take both empty plates. If his cereal bowl is on the surface rather than in the dishwasher, I know it's because he was in a rush, or one of our young DDs needed him (DD2 is 13 months and all over everything so if she's crawling around it's a bit hectic). I know it wasn't because he thought "fuck it, she'll do it for me". So I'm happy to do it, and he does the same for me. He's loading the dishwasher with dinner stuff right now.

MuggleMe · 19/06/2023 23:00

Yes I clear up after him. He's not that messy though, just as likely to be my cup as his left on the side.

InceyWinceySpidy · 19/06/2023 23:09

I can't imagine living in such a petty manner! If DH and I have finished eating, one of us will stand up, and take the other's plate into the kitchen. Sometimes me. Sometimes him. If we've had loads of condiments or wine and glasses, we'll clear the table together.

If we've had a late night cuppa in bed, when I wake and go downstairs, I'll take both cups. I find it so bizarre that you wouldn't take both cups, when you're taking one anyway, because someone else used it. It's just basic courtesy.

I'd clear up after DH and DC. DH and eldest DC will clear up after me too.

Tisfortired · 19/06/2023 23:18

I do, but he also does the same for me. We don’t keep count of how many times we’ve cleared each others mugs and plates away. Whoever is getting up for whatever reason will do it. This is the same for most things in our house really, except he leaves his dirty clothes lying around instead of just putting them in the basket and I pick them up and I do my own and DCs. He always picks up after the dog in the garden aswell which I never do - I think we’re pretty equal.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 19/06/2023 23:22

Yes and no.

No, in that, he will put his own stuff in the dishwasher, after eating breakfast, say.

Yes, in that, if we’ve, say, had a coffee in the living room and I’m going to the kitchen, I’ll take everything with me.

But he would do the same.

No way would I be skivvying around someone else who doesn’t do their share. Luckily we don’t have a relationship like that.

ModeWeasel · 19/06/2023 23:25

100% no. He might after me though.

Toxicityofourcity · 20/06/2023 02:53

Nope, absolutely not. I don't even clean up after my DC. They're old enough now that I can say 'do you think that glass will walk itself to the dishwasher?'. Even if I've made dinner, we clean up after ourselves, I clean as I go when cooking so don't expect anyone to clean after me, and I certainly don't expect to clean up after someone else, I do WAY more than enough in this house without being a maid for someone too lazy to clear their own dishes

WandaWonder · 20/06/2023 02:57

If he is a grown adult why would it be petty? it is not your or his job solely

we do stuff for each other sometimes but mostly we sort our own things really

snitzelvoncrumb · 20/06/2023 02:59

No I enjoy cleaning up everything other than what he left out.

starrynight21 · 20/06/2023 03:27

We both automatically clean up. If we're walking to the kitchen for something, we'll pick up any used plates/ cups on our way. Equal in all things !

Discretionassured · 20/06/2023 04:20

Whoever gets up first just automatically does it in our house, tends to be DH clearing plates at dinner time but I'm more likely to round up tea mugs and glasses through the evening so it probably balances out. He does have a blind spot for wrappers and packaging so I do find myself picking those up after him but then I'm a nightmare for getting things out of cupboards and not putting them away so he tidies after me too. It feels pretty equal to me when we're both home, he works much longer hours so it's fair that I do the routine cleaning and laundry but once he's home he just mucks in til everything's done.

Begonne · 20/06/2023 05:13

We both clear up whatever needs clearing. We’re a bit competitive about being nice to each other and most of our arguments are about whose turn it is to do the dishes, eat the last piece of bacon etc.

My dd told us off for always arguing, and we were both a bit Hmm but she’s actually right that we argue a lot - “ no sit down and I’ll take care of it…. no, you sit down you haven’t stopped all day… no, no “. It must be irritating to listen to.

Ceraunophile · 20/06/2023 07:02

I do because it drives me mad otherwise. I think the people saying “of course, why wouldn’t you?” or saying it would be petty not to have never lived with someone who leaves everything everywhere all the time though!

Last night we went up to bed at the same time and I picked up my tea cup, glass of water, my phone and the baby monitor (so hands were full) and went to the kitchen to put cup in there and refill my water. He followed me out to the kitchen but left his cup and glass in the sitting room and got himself a fresh glass for his water. It’s just automatic for me to look around as I leave a room and take stuff that needs to go where I’m going but it’s not for him.

He has tried to tell me over the years that he’s a tidy person and puts most stuff away. That is more infuriating than the actual messiness 🤣 Just accept and admit you’re not a tidy person! I took photos for a day once to show him just how much stuff I picked up after him because the denial was driving me mad, 57 pictures later he still denied it!

SinnerBoy · 20/06/2023 08:04

I'm constantly cleaning up after my wife. Buttery knife on the table, then wipe the table, because of the butter and crumbs, because she doesn't use a plate. Cleaning the surfaces - sugar, crumbs, whatever she's slopped out of a pan to a plate / bowl 3 feet away from the cooker - and often slopped on the floor and down the unit doors.

Rubbish from sodding Amazon parcels, left on tables, on / under the couches etc. In fact, any sort of wrappings. And that's without clearing any cups and plates.

On the rare occasion she does put something in the sink, there will be a teabag, or loads of food, which means I have to put my hands into a cold, slimy mess and get rid of it.

She learned early that I don't like mess and that if she leaves it, I will clean it eventually. I'm really sick to death of it, but I do it to avoid her getting angry and telling me she'll do it later (ie never) and just do it.

Our ten year old daughter at least puts her plate in the sin and scrapes any food residue into the bin.

BloodyCatArgh · 20/06/2023 08:06

Yes, but he also cleans up after me.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread