On holiday with my 4 year old hyper child and it's making me miserable

[Ikeepontrying]

For context I believe he might have adhd. He struggles to sit still, listen, complete tasks, follow rules etc.
He's my absolute world but I'm at the end of my tether. We are only day 3 into our holiday and I'm bloody fed up. He's running wild in the restaurants, tries to break everything. Pulling at my clothes, screaming the place down when he doesn't get what he wants or if I've breathed too loud (so it feels).
He's purposefully scratched my sunglasses by scraping them on the pool floor with his foot. He's spat out his chocolate on my white top and laughed. He threw an empty plastic bottle out the patio of our room onto the road.

I'm bloody miserable. I've just dragged him back to the room because he pulled at my costume and just flashed everyone near the pool. I feel humiliated.

I'm trying to do positive parenting but failing this holiday, I feel like a shit mum and just told him he's a horrible child and I'm embarrassed of him. I feel fuckin awful.

Give me some tips or something because I've never felt like a worse mum. I can't see any other child acting this way and it's breaking my heart that it's going so bloody wrong and I'm literally out of control.

What do you mean by positive parenting?

Is your DH / partner with you?

Is he getting enough sleep? My DD at 5 was quite tricky the first few days on holiday as were letting her stay up later at night but it ended up on her just being exhausted and lots of negative behaviour. A bit of routine with meal times and bedtime helped and some quiet time in the afternoon.

We had this once he'd just turned 5. He was overtired and over hot. We put him in bed one afternoon for 2 hours then he was perfect the rest of the holiday.

Yes partner with me.

Positive parenting so praising the good bits as often as I can

He had a good sleep last night but still woke up and misbehaved straight away. Trying to screw up a shirt and walk all over it etc

Ok… if he has adhd, he will be struggling with sensory overload. He’s away from everything familiar and his usual routines. I get that it’s REALLY REALLY hard work, and that feeling of ‘can’t we do anything normal or nice?’ … adjust your expectations is my advice.

Try to stick to the same routine each day. Go to the pool at the quietest times. Minimise sensory input. Maybe a restaurant is too overwhelming, the expectation to sit at a table unachievable… have a picnic instead or eat in your room? You might need to schedule down time into your day, during the busiest times. Find what works for your child rather than wanting him to fit into what the majority do.

pulling your swimming costume isn’t that big a deal, but I can get that it is a last straw kind of thing when you’re at the end of your rope.

What is he needing when he’s running around breaking things? Is there a safe space where he can meet those sensory needs without being destructive?

This is incredibly hard work, I know.

Do you ever say no to him?

If dh is with you, maybe tag team so you both get a break? Take turns at having a quiet read in the room while he has a sensory break / siesta?

You’re getting a lot of ‘positive parenting?’ and ‘do you ever say no?’ here already. Maybe take this to the SEN board where you won’t get the boundaries brigade and will get advice from people who understand sensory needs and neurodivergence and will have experience of these nightmare holidays

I was about to suggest this. Went away recently with my 2 and 4 year old and a couple of times DH and I went for dinner or an hour away alone whilst the other had the kids.

Also do they have a kids club? Even if you don’t want to leave it they should have some toys etc where he can play in a safe and contained environment which will give you a breather.

Also if you need to you could take food to your room for him? We have done that when one is napping.

Honestly just reduce expectations. I have children with ASD/ADHD and I've had to accept that we can't do all the same things other families do or if we do the outcome is not the same. Try and focus on the positive moments and don't think of whether you've had a good day or week - just focus on the good moments and try to move past the less good bits. We can have lovely moments but expecting a whole day to be without incident in an exciting, new environment is unrealistic for us.

Some children can't cope with holidays. They can't adjust to new places, hot weather, lots of people, different food, overstimulation.
It might be more relaxing just having a gentle routine at home, doing a regular trip to playground or park, some treats/ icecream.
We didn't go away for holidays until eldest was about 10 and youngest 8. We only have a tiny garden, but we had a tent, paddling pool, picnics, out to playground or park in the mornings. It was just easier.

What type of holiday is it? Outdoor climbing frames, kids club, activities suitable for 4yo?

If it's not a child centric holiday then YABVVVVU I'm afraid.

My kids are absolutely feral when not allowed enough physical exercise. That's on me to sort out, not anything wrong with the kids. So all holidays are things like Centre Parcs with a full itinerary of activities, military op to make sure they are fed and watered at regular intervals, minimal screen time... or I'll google soft plays, zoos, farms, play areas or climbing frames in the local area and again it's a military operation to book and schedule it all in and make the pack ups, bring cold water/juice etc.

The reason I do all that is because it's torture being stuck in a lovely holiday home with 2 feral kids and all that comes of it is frustration, misery and shouting, worse than being at home could ever be because at least at home we can go visit local park or friends/family!!!!!!!

So consider this a lesson learned OP, never again!!!

Fantastic advice. I do t need to add scything as it’s right there.

*don’t

• anything 🤦🏻‍♀️

I have an ADHD and an autistic kid and I can share some things that have worked here, especially as there can be some overlap.

First, positive parenting. I'd describe it as my style but I used very minimal praise due to it activating demand avoidance. If things went well I'd say stuff like, ooh that was fun, or I enjoyed doing that with you. Makes them feel good, gives positive feedback but without the pass/fail stress of their behaviour and no expectations of further behaviour.

As mentioned above, sensory overload and routine. We always ate/went swimming/went to the beach or arcade at the least busy times. Also we didn't have specific expectations, if he was sitting under the table and not bother anyone while out to eat then he could stay there, better than running around. If there was a sofa seat or booth, they would be the choice as he more seat space to play. We always brought activities out if he had to wait.

However, sometimes being a typical family doing typical things just wasn't on the cards. Tag teaming so each of us had a break was good.

Remember, behaviour is communication. If there are times when it's good and times when it's bad consider the bad is him saying it's all too much.