Did you grow up without a network but in a happy family? What's it done to you?

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Grateful for any insights as I grew up in a very abusive home and I find it tricky to take the imaginative leap.

We have a really happy home. Two children. A lot of love and laughter, quality time spent together. Not loads of money but where we do have it it's spent on fund days out. DH fab and it's an equal relationship.

The problem is that 98% of the time it's just us. No family on either side, we do see friends but most are 2-5 hours away and we've struggled to make a network. We do lots of play dates, but those lovely easy relationships we see around us just aren't there. No cousins, no popping round or over to places.

It affects our eldest the most I think - he's very upset if either of us go away. We haven't left him overnight with the very few people who would have him because he would absolutely melt down.

I'm trying very hard to build something and make effort, but we might always be a bit isolated.

It would really help if people who grew up like this could share how they feel about their upbringing now and how it's affected them. Can I just chill out and accept that it is what it is? Or is this going to make it hard for them to have relationships?

Hopeful bump!

Watching with interest as it applies to us, except only 1 DC

Also watching, as we're on our own here, all family is abroad (or rather we're abroad and family is in our home country).

I know this is rather cliched advice, but in these circumstances, joining a community-based activity such as Parkrun, community allotments, tennis club etc could provide almost instant links and low-key socialising.

That's good advice - thanks! I suppose that's got the regularity scheduled in

How old are your DC? I grew up with brother, parents, no network as family abroad or NC. This was the 1970s/80s though so not much emphasis on fun / doing stuff together so not as close as your family.

I think I find it harder to socialise than the average person and am also very self-reliant. It's so hard to separate out though how a single family circumstance affects someone - there is so much else to consider, personality traits etc.

That's interesting @Saverage . Mine are still little, so maybe something could change. DH grew up a lot more socially even as an only child and had great social networks until we moved away. If only it was more typical for men to run the social side!

I grew up like this, I’ve got an active social life, I learnt how to make an effort with people as I grew up.

I grew up like this, mums family mostly abroad, dads family hours away.

i think it depends on the family and the personalities. We didn’t do much together as a family ( normal for 70:80’s). It was all fine. I am very independent, which may be related to this.

We've brought our only DD up without a network as you described. She's 18 now and over the years has built up her own network of friends from school, college, part time job, sports team. She's looking forward to expanding that network when she goes to uni.

So don't worry- just maintain that loving, fun base at home.

I grew up like this; mum had practically no family and my dads were great but 7 hours away so only saw a few times a year. They had friends but theyd see them for evening type things rather than lots as a family. Honestly as a child I knew no different and it didn’t bother me.
As an adult I have a small number of close friends rather than loads and loads which I prefer although my sibling has quite a lot so I think that’s just our personalities. I like time to myself whereas my sibling likes having company. So really we are very different as adults despite the same childhood.
I am quite keen to have a support network around me though and I’ve slowly managed to build that in a new area as i want there to be friends within 20 minutes distance who I can see for coffee randomly or call on in an emergency.

I grew up like this! Just me, brother, and parents - no outside network of grandparents, family, parent’s friends etc. for lots of different reasons.

As far as I know, it’s not had much of an impact at all! I do notice it more around holidays (esp. bc brother’s gf has a huge family) and I do struggle a bit to build a network of my own now, but otherwise it doesn’t seem to be an issue.

I grew up rather like this, there weren’t any “family friends”. My parents both worked long hours and didn’t have much of a social life. I had school friends, one that I did go to their house a lot and vice versa, but mostly it was just us.

I do struggle a bit socially, I don’t know if it’s nature or nurture. I find it hard work meeting new people, get nervous about suggesting things socially (I overthink horribly) and have to make a lot of effort to make connections with new people, rather than the easy option of relying on the same one or two existing friends.

We’ve got a lot more friends and family friends than my parents ever had though and we are even managing things like group holidays with other families, which I always envied as a child.

In a way it has helped that DH works long hours so I have been forced to make an effort with friends, in order to have adult company. It still isn’t natural to me though!

I grew up like this. @Saverage summed it up best "I think I find it harder to socialise than the average person and am also very self-reliant"

In my 20s I found it a bit hard to figure out how being an adult works. Some of this was my own stuff, but some of it was not seeing many different ideas of what an adult life could look like while I was growing up.

A happy, safe, jokey, loving home is everything! Just encourage friendships for them as they grow, let them know their home is welcoming to friends