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AIBU to contact half sisters

13 replies

Foreo · 18/06/2023 19:05

I discovered I have a different biological father to the man I assumed was my father as a result of a dna test done through Ancestry. My biological father I believe is in his 70's and I can't seem to make contact. I have however discovered  that I have two half sisters, quite a bit younger than me and my father is now divorced from their mother.

I am debating to make contact but nervous about a frosty response. I am an only child and have always yearned for siblings yet feel I need to accept that they may not need or appreciate the headache of my news.

I struggle with 'what ifs and maybes' but worry I'm being selfish for my own closure's sake.

Is it wrong to make contact?

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 18/06/2023 19:08

Contact them. Give them the power to decide if they want a relationship with you. They lack the power to do that if they don't have contact with you.

They can of course say no to a relationship. And that's fine and you will have to accept it.

But no it's not selfish. You didn't make any of the decisions that lead to you not being in contact with them.

Cheezecake · 18/06/2023 19:08

Its a dicey one. You need to be ready for rejection if you do decide to contact them. Ultimately it is up to you. It may turn out lovely but be open to the possibility of it not.

Foreo · 18/06/2023 19:27

I was hoping that because my biological father is divorced from their mother the news maybe a bit easier to deliver.

OP posts:
LakeTiticaca · 18/06/2023 19:30

They may already know about you. I would contact them, they may be quite receptive to a new sister.
You can but try x

Dacadactyl · 18/06/2023 19:46

I too would contact them. But mentally prepare yourself for the worst case scenario.

I hope it works out well for you.

Puppers · 18/06/2023 19:51

I agree with PPs. If you want to make contact then you absolutely should, but just have a think about how you'll feel if their reaction is bad. You don't know what they've been told, what their relationship with their dad is like, what the background is. They might be angry and hurt, and whilst none of that would be your fault whatsoever, it's possible that you'd bear the brunt of it.

As long as you feel that you're in a place mentally where you could handle that potential rejection and negative reaction, then you should go for it. There's also the potential that you could find two kindred spirits and friends for life.

Roselilly36 · 18/06/2023 20:02

Take some time to think about it Op. what are you hoping for by getting in touch? How will you feel if they aren’t interested in making contact? Wishing you all the best going forward.

mnahmnah · 18/06/2023 20:10

Does your father know he is your father? Why is it you can’t make contact with him? I’m just thinking that if he finds out from his other daughters, it may not help in developing your relationship with him. If you want to, that is.

Louoby · 18/06/2023 20:15

What have you got to lose? Good luck x

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 18/06/2023 20:19

Do you think that you could cope with rejection if they don’t want to know?
Have you got a good support network?

If yes then do contact them, they might know about you, they might not. They may be shocked and upset and reject you initially but accept you in the future. They might not want to know.
If you think that you can cope with that then go for it!

ClinkeyMonkey · 18/06/2023 20:44

By all means get in touch, provided you don't take it personally if they don't want to know. I have personal experience of finding out I had a half sister. She was given up for adoption by my mum at a time when it was seen as shameful to get pregnant outside marriage. The father buggered off back to England (we're in NI.) When she made contact, it all got very messy and difficult for various reasons, primarily because my dad (who has since died) and my mum's siblings weren't aware of her existence and Mum was adamant that they shouldn't find out. I was stuck right in the middle, trying to keep everyone happy. My half sister has now found out she has multiple siblings on her dad's side (he was an absolute shit of a man, cheating on his wife left, right and centre) and is now getting to know them all. It hasn't been all hearts and flowers by any stretch of the imagination.

Hotpinkangel19 · 18/06/2023 20:44

I've been in this situation, my Dad died and I contacted his daughters from his first marriage, I'm in contact with one but the other isn't interested and I completely respect that. Good luck with what you decide

skippy67 · 18/06/2023 20:52

I have 2 half siblings by my "father". He was never in my life. I won't be contacting them, as I don't see what good could come of it.

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