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Original poster

Who should get the money

27 replies

Moraldilemma84 · 18/06/2023 17:04

Dd is 16 and gets the highest rate of pip for a genetic condition which causes her lots of issues. Obviously to a 16 year old this is a lot of money. We don’t police what she can spend it on but we do encourage her to save some each month, which she does. She spends it mainly on taxis so she can socialise, books, Lego and art supplies as she spends a lot of time at home.

She will be getting the cost of living payment from the government in the next couple of weeks and it’s causing discussions about who is should go to.

parent 1 thinks it’s a payment to help with bills and she doesn’t have any. That we pay for private physio as the nhs wait was horrendous and a lot of extra costs involved in her care. Hospital appointments miles away etc and it should go in to the pot to help with bills.

Parent 2 is on the fence, as while we can survive without the money like lots of people at the moment money is tight. Her brother works and is expected to contribute to the pot. But she has been dealt a really shit hand in life and it is technically her money.

Dd thinks it’s hers and it’s not fair that parent 1 wants it.

OP posts:
JayAlfredPrufrock · 18/06/2023 17:06

It’s for ‘living’ so she needs to make a contribution to her living costs.

Soontobe60 · 18/06/2023 17:10

What a conundrum! Does the cost of living payment state what it’s for precisely? As a child, it would be expected that a parent to pay for everything, however, when the costs are directly linked to her specific needs - ie not just wanting a new phone or the latest outfit, then she will benefit from the payment even though its you and DH who are out of pocket. Perhaps now is the time to sit down and have a conversation about whats going to happen financially when she turns 18.

Sparklfairy · 18/06/2023 17:13

She doesn't directly deal with the impact of cost of living presumably, which is what this payment is for. Most people who receive this, it's to help with the increase in food and other bills, which she doesn't pay.

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ThatFraggle · 18/06/2023 17:14

It's to pay for the extra things the child needs, that are a result of the condition. Physio, taxi to physio, special shoes etc. If there's any over in a week, you save it up, so that when a big thing is needed, e.g. a stair lift/convert the bath/respite carer/travel to France to see the world expert/etc. the money is there.

TeaKitten · 18/06/2023 17:17

Is she still in education? If so it’s hers, if not I guess it’s towards bills, or atleast some of it. But ultimately it’s up to her.

LadyLapsang · 18/06/2023 17:18

I would consider how you have been impacted by cost increases, e.g. if her taxi fares have increased and she can’t go out as much, her physio costs have increased etc. I would expect most parents to pay for all the needs of a sixteen year old so I expect you to get the payment, but if she is paying for taxis and private physio, some or all of the money could go to her.

helloisitmeyourelookingfor · 18/06/2023 17:20

Pip is not general teenage spending money and if she able to understand money then she should be using it to support her own needs

Taxis to meet friends if she can't use the bus, not a problem

If there are additional expenses eg increased electricity due to charging essential equipment, then the cost of living payment should go towards bills

If not then it's probably time for a frank conversation about the purpose of the money

I did it the opposite way to you I think -I managed the payments until my dd turned 16 then we slowly increased her control until 18 where she took responsibility for it

caringcarer · 18/06/2023 17:22

Use it for her physio. That is a cost a non disabled person probably would not get. It is a cost of living payment.

PaigeMatthews · 18/06/2023 17:23

I am with parent A. It is to help the parents with the additional costs of raising a child with a disability.

Weal · 18/06/2023 17:24

Given that money is tight I think it should go towards the household bills/living costs.
If you were well off and not finding things tight I might feel differently. Also at 16 you expect to start paying some small amount towards the home. Eg if she had a job she would maybe pay a little Keep, so it’s about learning real uses of money too. Presumably if her condition means she can’t work she will, as an adult, need to learn to budget for living costs too. I’d see this as a first step towards learning about that.

ArcticSkewer · 18/06/2023 17:26

All that pip money, including col payment, should already be being spent on the private physio and hospital appointments. Giving it to her as spending money is not helping her in the long run. At age 16 with no bills to pay, she's going to find it hard to adjust when she really does need that money. It could even be saved for eg a car or driving lessons if those might be something she would be able to do in future.

I would not let her decide on this - it's unfair to her really, in a way. Let her ease into adulthood.

jannier · 18/06/2023 17:30

I'd use it for paying the extra things she needs for her condition travel, increased bills, physio. Her pocket money is a separate thing

NoSquirrels · 18/06/2023 17:32

I think she should contribute to the physio and petrol costs. It shouldn’t be Lego and books money, imo.

Overthebow · 18/06/2023 17:44

How much does she get per month and how much is physio?

LookItsMeAgain · 18/06/2023 17:48

JayAlfredPrufrock · 18/06/2023 17:06

It’s for ‘living’ so she needs to make a contribution to her living costs.

I only read the opening post of yours @Moraldilemma84 but I think @JayAlfredPrufrock has nailed it.

If it is specifically called a "cost of living" expenses, then she must contribute to the family pot so to speak and put it towards her living expenses.

That's my take on it.

Allthings · 18/06/2023 17:51

It’s supposed to help with high energy costs and essential living expenses such as food bills.

WorkCleanRepeat · 18/06/2023 17:54

I'm with parent 1. A 16 year old does not need a cost of living payment. The only reason they are getting it is because its too costly to means test them.

Theredjellybean · 18/06/2023 18:02

i thought PiP was to help with the additional costs of raising a child with disability or for a person with a disability manage their additional costs.
so yes to taxis, private physio etc...if you are effectively out of pocket above what a parent of a non disabled 16 yr old would be then that is what the money should go to...and that may be increased bills.
my dsd has to have heating cranked up / uses electric blankets all yr round, extra radiator on in her room all yr round and has to have specific food stuffs for her condition - we use her pip for this.
I don't see PiP as a payment to 'compensate' the person for being disabled or unwell by having it as extra fun money for lego etc.

JulieHoney · 18/06/2023 18:07

Parent 1 is correct - it’s not fun money, it’s to help cover the costs of her life, including physio, taxis and heating bills.

The government doesn’t pay this to compensate people with disabilities for their hard lives by funding Lego and paints, it’s to facilitate as “normal” a life as possible.

Physio and taxis are exactly that sort of thing.

Presumably money came to you as her parents originally?

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 18/06/2023 18:08

It should be used towards the extra Cody's associated with her condition - physio, petrol or taxi to go to physio and other related appointments. Any extra should be retained for any future needs.

Once she's 18, she can make decisions for herself but not until then.

Spending it on lego is an insult to the people who really need it!

uncomfortablydumb53 · 18/06/2023 18:10

Cost of living payments should go to you as you are putting a roof over her head
PIP is to use for extras which bring her a quality of live equal to a non disabled person
This would include Taxi’s, her physio costs, kitchen aids to help her prepare food, bathroom safety etc
I receive enhanced rates on both components( but not col) and I use mine for mobility aids( I use a rollator) and am currently putting some aside for a mobility scooter which I will need
It's not for Lego

Original poster
Moraldilemma84 · 18/06/2023 18:23

Thanks for all your input. She currently puts half in her savings account every week and she knows that when the time comes that she needs a wheelchair or mobility scooter it will be that money that pays for it.
We pay for the Physio as it was our choice to go private at not wait for the nhs to offer it. Though I do see people’s points about it should be the paid for by the pip money.
When the decision maker phoned us to tell her she had been awarded the full amount he was very clear that it can be used however we think is best to help her. So if that’s things that help her depression and anxiety that’s completely fine.
She inherited the condition from her abusive father who she is no contact with, so she has lots of complex mental health issues around her condition as well as the physical affects.

OP posts:
NCForSexFrm · 18/06/2023 19:09

Moraldilemma84 · 18/06/2023 17:04

Dd is 16 and gets the highest rate of pip for a genetic condition which causes her lots of issues. Obviously to a 16 year old this is a lot of money. We don’t police what she can spend it on but we do encourage her to save some each month, which she does. She spends it mainly on taxis so she can socialise, books, Lego and art supplies as she spends a lot of time at home.

She will be getting the cost of living payment from the government in the next couple of weeks and it’s causing discussions about who is should go to.

parent 1 thinks it’s a payment to help with bills and she doesn’t have any. That we pay for private physio as the nhs wait was horrendous and a lot of extra costs involved in her care. Hospital appointments miles away etc and it should go in to the pot to help with bills.

Parent 2 is on the fence, as while we can survive without the money like lots of people at the moment money is tight. Her brother works and is expected to contribute to the pot. But she has been dealt a really shit hand in life and it is technically her money.

Dd thinks it’s hers and it’s not fair that parent 1 wants it.

Both options are reasonable, it's completely subjective.

My personal bias is towards parent 1's view.

Babyroobs · 18/06/2023 19:15

It's a one off payment of £150 so probably only about a weeks worth of PIP payments anyway if she's on higher rates. Like others have said PIP isn't spending money for a child, it's for aids, treatments, extra heating etc.

roarfeckingroarr · 18/06/2023 19:21

It's for living costs