Oh boy. What a revelation I've had within the past 48 hours. Three years of being in an intense relationship where my ex-partner was an abusive asshole and master manipulator. I've since come to realise I had been dating a narcissist. I actually had no idea - only that he suffered with some mental health issues. I wish I had known sooner. Spotted the signs...okay, I did notice a few red flags but I chose to ignore them.
Some things I will note what happened during the relationship, perhaps others can relate?
- Overwhelming arrogance and self-importance (I've got a 'big dick' -he didn't! - 'Nobody can ever tell me I don't look good'. ' I'm better than everyone in this room').
- Possessiveness and control - ('I'll find it hard if you go away because I won't be able to sleep'. 'I can't sleep unless you are with me'. 'Where are you? - you said you would be back in 10 minutes'.)
- Phone hacking and stalking
- Constant need for affectionate and time together. Getting angry and moody if I went and did something on my own.
- Belittling my interests or hobbies
- Finding it hard to let go. Wouldn't let me go each time I tried to end the relationship. Became extremely angry as a result.
- Abusive rages and impulsiveness (smashing things up, threats).
- Lies to get what he wanted, or lied to get his own way (when caught in a lie, gaslighted me. Fought and manipulated the truth to make it seem like I was the crazy one.
- Lack of empathy - ('I find it hard to comfort so and so when they are crying'.)
- Highly critical of others and their actions
- Always the victim - nothing was ever his fault, or he never did anything wrong.
- Sensitive to any criticism.
- I was the narcissist and everything wrong or bad with the relationship was down to me.
I suppose I am still learning, still trying to adjust to life after dealing with all that. It's been a lot. Just wanted to write it down and hopefully others can share their experiences and relate to what I've been through x