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The traits of a narcissist

2 replies

jermaineduck · 18/06/2023 15:27

Oh boy. What a revelation I've had within the past 48 hours. Three years of being in an intense relationship where my ex-partner was an abusive asshole and master manipulator. I've since come to realise I had been dating a narcissist. I actually had no idea - only that he suffered with some mental health issues. I wish I had known sooner. Spotted the signs...okay, I did notice a few red flags but I chose to ignore them.

Some things I will note what happened during the relationship, perhaps others can relate?

  • Overwhelming arrogance and self-importance (I've got a 'big dick' -he didn't! - 'Nobody can ever tell me I don't look good'. ' I'm better than everyone in this room').
  • Possessiveness and control - ('I'll find it hard if you go away because I won't be able to sleep'. 'I can't sleep unless you are with me'. 'Where are you? - you said you would be back in 10 minutes'.)
  • Phone hacking and stalking
  • Constant need for affectionate and time together. Getting angry and moody if I went and did something on my own.
  • Belittling my interests or hobbies
  • Finding it hard to let go. Wouldn't let me go each time I tried to end the relationship. Became extremely angry as a result.
  • Abusive rages and impulsiveness (smashing things up, threats).
  • Lies to get what he wanted, or lied to get his own way (when caught in a lie, gaslighted me. Fought and manipulated the truth to make it seem like I was the crazy one.
  • Lack of empathy - ('I find it hard to comfort so and so when they are crying'.)
  • Highly critical of others and their actions
  • Always the victim - nothing was ever his fault, or he never did anything wrong.
  • Sensitive to any criticism.
  • I was the narcissist and everything wrong or bad with the relationship was down to me.

I suppose I am still learning, still trying to adjust to life after dealing with all that. It's been a lot. Just wanted to write it down and hopefully others can share their experiences and relate to what I've been through x
OP posts:
PimpMyFridge · 18/06/2023 17:59

Amazing how clear it is when you're looking at it in hindsight isn't it!
Well done on breaking free, not everyone makes that.

jermaineduck · 18/06/2023 19:28

So clear...I just wish I had been known the signs earlier. It was Mumsnet that helped me out a few months ago. I really owe this site a lot.

OP posts:
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