Why am I so upset about this? AIBU?

[User63847484848]

Sorry not feeling quite strong enough for AIBU.
I’m fairly recently separated - 5 months - and my Dc are with their dad this weekend as they are every other weekend.
I instigated the split but it’s still been really hard.
my parents live nearby as does one of my sisters with her family.
I don’t know why really but I didn’t ask my dad what he was doing for Father’s Day. I suppose I thought they might be away in their caravan as they often are on summer weekends. I’ve seen my parents this week and it didn’t come up about this weekend but they know it’s the week without my kids.

i haven’t had much on this weekend as messaged a few friends but they were all busy, I just tried to fill my weekend with jobs and errands. I got my dad a card and pressie for Father’s Day and drove round to drop it off on my way to the shops. I thought if they were in I’d stop in and say hi and if they weren’t I’d leave it inside.
As I drove up I saw my sisters car in the drive, she was obviously there with her dh and Dc having lunch with my parents. I felt myself getting really upset and tearful and was surprised they hadn’t mentioned it to me and invited me.
I drove on past instinctively then went back and left the card and pres on the doorstep.
I know I should’ve rung the bell and gone in to say hi but didn’t want them to see me tearful and I kind of feel like if they’d wanted me there they would have invited me.
but then maybe it’s my fault as I never enquired what dad was doing for Father’s Day and didn’t make a set time to see him?
don’t know why I’m feeling so upset about it but am home again from the shop and had a really good cry.

I agree.

I would apologise and act like something came up so just dropped the present off and went but invite him to yours for a meal next weekend.

Thanks all. Especially the gentler responses. I have reflected and messaged him to apologise for not making plans with him and not coming in with the present.
will do better next year.
still can’t shake off the stinging feeling that if they’d wanted me there they would’ve asked me and there was a strange absence of chat about it on the family group eg we had a whole family lunch together for Mother’s Day.
But accept it was for me to be proactive about enquire about plans.

And those saying we should host him, don’t worry my mum does all the hosting! And he isn’t that keen on coming to our houses

still can’t shake off the stinging feeling that if they’d wanted me there they would’ve asked me and there was a strange absence of chat about it on the family group

Please stop making it about yourself.
The only person whose feelings should be hurt right now is your dads, your feelings should not come into it at all.

Honestly, if you have a tendency to play the victim and make things all about you then they aren’t going to invite you to things.

Ouch - some mean responses here - if we do something in my family the assumption is that everyone is invited. And if you have not been in touch, we would be in touch with you. So, I think that is a little odd unless they dropped in and decided to stay (I know you have ruled that out, but until you ask you dont know what happened). Alternatively, maybe they were trying to respect you being by yourself- they may have thought that not hearing from you meant you were not up to doing anything. Feeling tearful and perhaps over reacting are part of the process right now, so be kind to yourself but if you want to do something different next time, talk to your parents and tell them what you need. Otherwise they dont know. Take care.

Your parents could’ve thought when you didn’t ask them about Father’s Day plans that you didn’t want to celebrate it because of your separation and were trying to be respectful and considerate of you. I think you need to reach out if you wanted to make plans with them or are feeling lonely. But - be kind to yourself - it’s still early days.

I will do better next year

Dont be too hard on yourself op. You’re going through a divorce and feeling a bit raw and emotional, and maybe lost a bit of confidence or feel a bit “needy” . That’s all ok!

Child free weekends can feel a bit lonely particularly on a Sunday where it seems like you’re surrounded by families getting together.

As others have pointed out, your sister being at your dp’s may have been an ad hoc thing- invited in when dropping off a present. Don’t assume it was some big pre arranged invite only event!

Why not confide in your family that you’re struggling with your break up and feeling a bit fragile? I’m sure they all love you, you’re just having a wobble because of your low mood.
It will get easier x