How to stop co sleeping with toddler

[Spencer2]

Hi,

DS (2.5 years) has slept with me in the bed since birth. He was just a baby who would not settle and eventually in my absolute hell of a sleep deprived state, I gave in and put him in the bed.

DH has since come back into the bed too (luckily it is a super king!) seeing as DS now sleeps through.

However, yes he sleeps but he fidgets and moves A LOT. He is also very… tactile… and likes to stroke one of our arms all night or sleeps with one arm wrapped around our necks.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that it is absolutely not ideal! Any way, he has his own room with a little bed and it’s been done up with all his favorite things.. but how do I get him to sleep in there? He only wants to sleep in the middle with us!!

I’d just love him to be in his own room now!

Start talking about his big boy room and big boy bed, and how it’s time for big boys to have their own rooms.

Then you and DH will likely have to take turns to sleep in DS room until he’s fine with it.

Watching with interest. (Same issue with my 17 month old.. been this way since birth too.. wouldn't sleep any other way!)

Let him choose a night light favourite bed cover etc. Explain it before hand then I do gradual withdrawal...ideal time of year as you can read ...hand on and verbally ignore after first lay back down...when it's just sleep time. Just lay him back every time he gets up....first time may take up to 2 hours but if consistent it takes a few days for improvement....
But in the night you must do the same.

Thank you everyone. I think we are going to big it up to him next week all week, then we’ll take him to buy the nighlight and bedding etc next weekend and try him next Saturday night as the first night. I hope you all like how I’m giving myself a whole extra week to mentally prepare myself 😅

Try getting lots of sleep between now and then it will help you hold firm....and remember giving in is three steps backwards as they then know they just need to keep up resisting.

Do you stay with him all the night in your bed at the moment? Or do you get a bit of evening downstairs while he is asleep alone in your bed?

I only ask because I coslept with my son for a long time, but I did mostly put him to sleep in his own room (for some periods involving me staying for a long time while he settled) then snuck out. Then if he woke in the night he came in with me as I just couldn’t be doing with having to get myself up properly to resettle him in his own bed and he would go back to sleep quickly if he was in with me. Now age 8 he still knows he can come into my bed, but it’s very rare that he does - and then I quite enjoy it for a night or two!

I wonder whether you might find it easier to do a more gradual transition with your son, i.e. if you can get him to settle in your bed and leave him during the evening, then move to settling him in his own room (but with him still knowing he’ll be allowed into your room if he wakes in the night) and then from there you can work on him learning to settle back to sleep by himself in his own bed.

But then I also know that each child/situation is different so that might be a ridiculous suggestion for you!

@Custardslice3 this is the biggest part of the problem funny you ask… we do not get an evening!! Currently at my wits end in all honesty. He just wants to be with us 24/7.. IF he is exhausted enough (which takes A LOT) he will go to bed between 8-9pm and occasionally will sleep on his own in the bed whilst we watch tv in the living room before joining him later.

However most of the time he will just not be tired enough (like I say, it takes a lot.. ie 1-2 hours in the park after 3 hours at nursery, then plenty of play, bath, 2-3 books!!!!) so ends up going to bed with us between 9.30-10.30 which I understand sounds late but often there is no point in pushing him to go earlier because it simply wont happen. Either we give up after an hour of lying there with him or he will fall asleep but keep waking.

Co sleeping is truly a regret of mine which is sad to say… but I do believe I effed up by ever starting it!!!! It is effecting our relationship as we are often taken to bed by our 2 year old and woken up by him. There is no time alone anymore?!

Must also add.. he has never ever self settled. One of us has to lay with him and pretend to sleep in order for him to sleep no matter how tired. If both of us are home then it requires both of us to lay there otherwise he will also refuse.

@Spencer2 that sounds really hard, esp not getting any adult time with your DH. Try not to feel regret about it though; you made a choice to cosleep and can’t go back and change it, and you’ll never know how things would have played out if you hadn’t. I know I love that my son gets comfort from having me close by, and feels confident that he’ll be welcomed into my bed if he needs it.

You'll know best whether your son will do better with you having a fresh start and just going for it with a new routine in his own room etc, or by you changing things gradually. We have always had challenges with my son taking a long time to settle, and periods of me having to lie with him for up to 3 hours, but I found audio books helped immensely with that. He now has a Yoto player which also has lots of options for sleep sounds/music. Maybe your DS would stay in his new room with something to listen to? It might help him get used to the idea of being in bed without you beside him?

@Spencer2 how did it work out in the end? In the same boat with my 20 month old, right down to the tactile-ness and never having fallen asleep independently. And the regret of ever giving in and co sleeping in the first place (damn you illness and teething at ~9 months!)

Would love to know what you ended up doing!

Ditto! Always gutted when I get to the end of these threads and OP hasn't told you what happened!