Tips for keeping house tidy with a messy family

[Cakeandslippers]

I have two young children and my dh and I both work full time hours.

I'm struggling to keep the house clean and tidy. I feel like we're always 7 steps behind. Dh does his fair share I think but has much lower standards to me (mine are pretty average I'd say). E.g. he'll leave cereal boxes on the side, never cleans up crumbs, prefers to load the dishwasher in one go so pots are on the side all day etc.

I can cope with a bit of mess and tend to prioritise cleaning over tidying but try and do both.

One issue is that dh likes a pile. Instead of putting things away he just piles things up until he eventually sorts the pile out. It annoys me because that piles get in the way and look messy, and tidying up a pile takes me ages but he says its just how he does it and if I want it done differently then I should just do it. I can't decide who is being unreasonable here.

At the end of each day I'm so tired my bones hurt - are you just meant to suck it up and crack on anyway? I can't work out how people do it, I go to friends houses and they are pristine... mine is far from that.

Either I'm the only one who can't push though that feeling of utter exhaustion to do more than the basics or I need some tips on how you do it?

Help!

Hey! You must be shattered with 2 kids and full time work!

What noone ever tells you is how much cleaning and throwing out goes on constantly in those houses.I'm not even joking when I say that we probably take on average a bag a week to charity and regularly go to the recycling centre.

Some things that really help:

• having less stuff. Obviously have ornaments and knick knacks you love but it's so easy to take a 2 things off the shelf and wipe it than taking off 10.

• I have a basket for dumping things in at the bottom of the stairs and I fill it all day and take it up and MAKE myself put it all away.

-lots of storage.

• Clean colour palette. I love colour and tend not to plan a room so I have a lot of white walls and storage as they are easy to touch up and they make colours pop. You can get away with more clutter if the overall room feels fresh.

• I make myself clean even when things look OK. I used to think, fuck it, the bathroom is clean enough but just a bit dusty, it can wait another week. But then life gets busy and suddenly it's been a month and all of a sudden it's a massive job I have to psyche myself up for. So now I make myself clean it anyway. It's always far quicker and easier to do it when it's a five minute job. As per previous point, I have one shampoo, conditioner etc. Less to move.

• get a robot vacuum. And a handheld.

Buy what you need and toss what you dont. I used to get so pissed off fishing dirty things out of the dishwasher to wash them to use them. Just accept that you might be a person who needs 6 pizza trays/4 sets of cutlery etc. Theres no point using kitchen space for a Turkey tray you use once a year. That can be stored somewhere else like in the garage or loft.

I would just reassure you though, your pristine friends arent just spending an hour a week cleaning, whatever they might tell you! They will be constantly moving things out of the house.

With our child, we tend to buy a lot of toys from charity and move a lot out. I've accepted that most toys she will be interested in for about a week-month before they are bored so I've always talked to her and tried to frame it that we are supporting a good cause, giving the toy some love and then passing to someone else to love, so the toys can collect and enjoy being loved by lots of children. We obviously keep special ones but now she is old enough for school party bags, it is endless amounts of tat coming in!!

Winter is a really good time to divide and conquer. Agree with DH who is taking kids to the softplay/grandparents on a saturday morning while the other cleans in peace. Sunday morning cartoons might be needed! Ultimately it doesnt matter who does the cleaning/kids as long as it is getting done (in peace!) Xx

I'm very messy, DP is very tidy. We theoretically compromise, but in reality both of us probably moan about the other! We don't have open plan, which helps a lot. We keep the living / dining room tidy, so DP has one room where their rules take precedence. Then the kitchen has to be tidy before bed. So if DP is mainly in all day then it's tidy all day. If I'm mainly in there's piles of stuff by the sink and I do a flurry of activity before bed. I think DP spends too much time cleaning and tidying throughout the day when they could be doing bigger jobs in the time and sort everything out in the evening (we've moved house and have a lot of boxes to sort), DP thinks I don't appreciate the constant little bits of work they do all day which makes the house nicer to live in in the moment.

We have a cleaner, which is saved our relationship.

DH's pile - get a nice big box/crate (something decorative that you won't mind looking at) and give him that to keep his pile in.

My XH was the same with empty boxes, used to drive me crazy but I got into the habit of doing the kitchen top in five minutes just before I left the house (as I knew he'd never get round to it, as it didn't bother him).

And do five minutes on one thing whilst you're waiting for dinner to cook/kettle to boil etc...it's a trick I read about on here and I've found it's much easier than trying to find the energy/headspace/time for a major clear up once a week. So rather than thinking "I must clean the fridge" when I open the door I do one shelf, and then another one a different time. Five minutes at a time in the downstairs rooms keeps the place looking tolerable most of the time, so you can enjoy your well-earned rest rather than thinking you've got to "do something".

I've only just seen these responses, thank you! 😊 some really good ideas here, I like the idea of a box / basket or similar for dh to dump his stuff in, at least then I can move it easily if it's in the way. And good ideas around doing a little bit at a time - going to try and put some of these ideas into action!

This is how I felt two months ago! Since then me and DH have focused on gradually decluttering the house. Putting toys and clothes on freecycle. Throwing out crap. I have also focused on getting rid of my 'it can wait' mentality. I constantly tidy as I go and it has been a game changer. It has made it so much easier to keep the house clean and tidy. The kids seem to make less mess now as well which is a suprise to me!

Your DH might not care about things being messy and left out, but you do care, and find it frustrating. It is all very well for him to not care about the mess, but by his actions he is demonstrating that he doesn't care about your feelings.

You don't have a mess problem, you have a DH problem.

Similar boat here OP, 2 kids and work FT.
Our house is a constant mess. The only things that I think help are aggressive decluttering and also never going upstairs empty handed.

Also helps if MIL comes to visit as it will really focus DH to do a mega tidy!

For me, I found it was agreeing to set routines.

I used a modified version of Fly Lady in as far as I took certain areas that dh and I each had an area we needed to clean each night. we also put out breakfast dishes cereal and clothes for the kids so it was ready for the next morning. This made less of a mess in the morning as we had it set up and ready.

I tidied the kitchen sink and tables each night as that was important for me. Dh dealt with the dining table as that was his big issue. he hated how messy that got with stuff. We each took stuff up from the stairs as we went to bed but that was never fully sorted until the kids got older.

Washing was always a mountain and I never did find a way that made it " work"