Furious

Tango122 · 2023-06-18T11:12:09+00:00

DS (2.5) is being assessed for autism. I started noticing signs when he was around 18 months, now at 2.5 it’s quite obvious. Earlier, DP said that he would pay all the money in the world for him to be ‘normal’ I replied saying there’s nothing we can do apart from be there for him. He started going on a rant saying how it’s not fair etc, which I agree with but unfortunately it is what it is. Then, which I am absolutely furious about, he said that it’s probably my fault he has it because I was 2 stone over weight when I was pregnant with him. Then he said if he does have it, then he is leaving. I understand it’s rubbish and I’d do anything for him not to have his struggles, but he does. He’s still my beautiful little boy who I love very much. There’s been times where I’ve had a cry about it but I don’t go around pointing fingers and threatening to walk away. I can’t even look at him right now

Bemyclementine · 18/06/2023 12:14

Bloody hell OP. That would be the end for me.

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 18/06/2023 12:17

Unfortunately a lot (not all obviously) of fathers really struggle with an autism diagnosis and want to blame something or someone. Unfortunately your dick head of a partner is lashing out at you and being personal.
It’s almost grieving for the child that he thought he had. It doesn’t make it okay obviously.
I have an autistic child and wouldn’t change anything about them.

Happyinmyowncompany · 18/06/2023 12:21

My little one is nearly 3 and is also being assessed for autism, I have noticed signs like the hand flapping when excited, tip toeing when his upset or excited, gets in your face when he wants attention or wants to communicate with you, attention span very limit, lack of mobility aka can't use and knife and fork yet, limit food meaning he only eats a certain type of food and sticks to it , he is slowly getting better at his speech and is currently seeing speech and language, firstly his doing his hearing test (don't think it's an issue as he knows his name and responsed to his name) my son does notice things and says things like key for key, doggy woof woof etc, lack of sleep... However my ex is stating this my fault because I don't teach him which I do my best... Mama u are doing your best for ur child don't let anyone put u down ❤️

CuriousGeorge80 · 18/06/2023 12:22

I would point out to him that research shows that it is more likely autism passes on the Y chromosome than the X, so statistically it’s more likely it came from him than you. To be clear, I wouldn’t ordinarily say this to anybody, but I would to a dickhead who is trying to attribute it to you. What a horrible man.

Original poster

Tango122 · 18/06/2023 12:22

I do understand that he has taken it bad, I did at first but I have come to terms with it now. I just don’t think it’s going to help the situation acting the way he is. I totally get it’s a rubbish situation and at the beginning I was a bit of a mess but I never took it out on him. I just feel gutted. Nobody would want this for their child but I just can’t believe him. Surely we should be there for each other

OP posts:

CuriousGeorge80 · 18/06/2023 12:23

Just to add, you sound like a great mum and a lovely person. Wishing you and your lovely boy the very best.

Happyinmyowncompany · 18/06/2023 12:24

CuriousGeorge80 · 18/06/2023 12:22

I would point out to him that research shows that it is more likely autism passes on the Y chromosome than the X, so statistically it’s more likely it came from him than you. To be clear, I wouldn’t ordinarily say this to anybody, but I would to a dickhead who is trying to attribute it to you. What a horrible man.

That's not true, it's not always genetic and also it's not always passed on more by the father history

Original poster

Tango122 · 18/06/2023 12:32

He also said I have made it all worse because I haven’t done enough with him. I have done absolutely everything that I’ve been told to by HV etc. There’s not a day goes by that I don’t try to help him. I don’t think there’s anything I haven’t tried to bring him on. My life is really difficult, I’m a sahm with DS, it’s obviously hard because he can’t speak, I don’t alway know what he wants, he gets very frustrated, tantrums, hits and bites. He’s very hard work. I also have a 6 year old who can be challenging.

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Sunnydaysareuponus · 18/06/2023 12:34

In your shoes I would be packing his stuff right now. You have 2 dc to deal with already..

Happyinmyowncompany · 18/06/2023 12:36

Tango122 · 18/06/2023 12:32

He also said I have made it all worse because I haven’t done enough with him. I have done absolutely everything that I’ve been told to by HV etc. There’s not a day goes by that I don’t try to help him. I don’t think there’s anything I haven’t tried to bring him on. My life is really difficult, I’m a sahm with DS, it’s obviously hard because he can’t speak, I don’t alway know what he wants, he gets very frustrated, tantrums, hits and bites. He’s very hard work. I also have a 6 year old who can be challenging.

Sounds exactly like my narcissistic EX... Maybe if you both went to the assessments together he would have a better understanding don't know why he couldn't of just understood from the way explained

Happyinmyowncompany · 18/06/2023 12:39

Tango122 · 18/06/2023 12:32

He also said I have made it all worse because I haven’t done enough with him. I have done absolutely everything that I’ve been told to by HV etc. There’s not a day goes by that I don’t try to help him. I don’t think there’s anything I haven’t tried to bring him on. My life is really difficult, I’m a sahm with DS, it’s obviously hard because he can’t speak, I don’t alway know what he wants, he gets very frustrated, tantrums, hits and bites. He’s very hard work. I also have a 6 year old who can be challenging.

Sometimes with autism they can start of saying words then all of a sudden they stop speaking, or they can not speak of a long time then slowly start of saying words... You got this mama please don't feel bad it is not your fault and you sound like an amazing mum..

CuriousGeorge80 · 18/06/2023 13:06

@Happyinmyowncompany totally, that’s why I said it’s more likely, as statistically it is. Doesn’t mean it was the case for any particular child, of course. And to be clear I don’t think “blame” is at all appropriate, but if he wants to be appallingly behaved then he deserves to have the evidence pointed out to him. Of course, it would be far more constructive if he educated himself and supported his child and his wife.

Original poster

Tango122 · 18/06/2023 15:29

Thank you for the kind words everyone

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