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What's going on with this man?

13 replies

Youknowaboutthepaint · 15/06/2023 16:56

I think I have concluded he's just being a friend, but I don't know why he'd want that 😆

Maybe I read MN too much but isn't it odd that he's so "nice" to me?

He's 50+. I know him through a sporting interest. I've known him a long time but we became closer during lockdown. DH was seriously ill, friend was living alone and climbing the walls. He made a point of meeting up every week for the sport and then coming in for a drink/chat with DH. It makes my cry even now thinking about that kindness at such a difficult time, although it's true he was glad to get out of the house too, it was a godsend for both me and DH strictly speaking he probably shouldn't have come in but I decided he was helping with care

Anyway DH died 2 years ago. Since then friend has included me in many many group things with his other friends/ some mutual friends and we've had some fun times. We've even had a number of group weekends away. This during that period when you "find out who your friends are" and many of the couple friends DH and I had have drifted off. We've also been out a couple of times just the two of us. Always strictly platonic, never any move made.

Which is all good, but this man has a real reputation as a ladies man. Often out with/ chasing women much younger and more glamorous than me. He is a very good friend to his male friends too. The kind of person who will always be available if you need some furniture moving etc.

He has been immeasurably kind to me at a time when I really needed it, but if I'm honest I don't really know why!

We're not in touch constantly by any means but I see or hear from him most weeks. Sometimes he goes quiet for a few weeks and I assume that's a woman!

He's messaged today to say he's going away with his son for a couple of weeks, hopes I'm OK and we'll do (a thing we both really enjoyed last summer) when he gets back.

I don't really know what I'm asking. I quite like things as they are and I know that if he has a serious GF I'll see much less of him, but I wonder what his motivation for keeping in touch is. He contacts me much more than I contact him, although I have suggested trips out too.

OP posts:
Theblacksheepandme · 15/06/2023 17:05

It sounds like he just likes your company. If he's a ladies man and wanted more he would have made a move already. Do you feel like you want more than friendship?

Mabelface · 15/06/2023 17:06

He just sounds like a caring and good friend who happens to be a man.

Youknowaboutthepaint · 15/06/2023 17:25

Mabelface · 15/06/2023 17:06

He just sounds like a caring and good friend who happens to be a man.

Yes, but I don't know why he wants to be that to me. Frankly even people I thought were good friends haven't been around much since DH died. (But some other aquaintances have been great).

OP posts:
BMW6 · 15/06/2023 18:28

Well why wouldn't he want to be in a friendship with you?

He's obviously got to know you and likes you!

Hadalifeonce · 15/06/2023 18:32

So he has been around for more than 2 years, been nothing but kind and thoughtful, never made a pass? Sounds like a good friend to me.

Theblacksheepandme · 15/06/2023 19:13

Do you feel like you don't deserve to have such a good friendship?

Youknowaboutthepaint · 15/06/2023 23:16

So no one thinks it's it's unusual that a man with plenty of friends and something of a female entourage has befriended a middle aged widow?

OP posts:
MissingMoominMamma · 15/06/2023 23:30

No. He sounds like he’s just a person who values his friends and checks in with them. There could be an element of him wanting to make sure you’re happy for your late husband too.

He sounds like a nice person!

MeinKraft · 15/06/2023 23:45

God he sounds lovely OP. Are you having feelings for him? Couldn't blame you if you are.

Theblacksheepandme · 16/06/2023 00:19

Is there a reason you don't want to answer any questions?

Deathbyfluffy · 16/06/2023 00:40

Youknowaboutthepaint · 15/06/2023 23:16

So no one thinks it's it's unusual that a man with plenty of friends and something of a female entourage has befriended a middle aged widow?

None of that is relevant - he’s just your friend.
You’re massively over thinking it

FairyDustAndUnicorns · 16/06/2023 02:29

He's that rare beast, a good friend. Not everyone is selfish and some still live their lives in the real world with real people instead of online. So unusual in the modern world that it's got you confused.

StopStartStop · 16/06/2023 02:37

Yes, he sounds like a nice man, a good friend.
I had a man be 'nice', just, for 25 years. Then it turned out he'd been hoping for more all that time.
Leave him the opportunity to make a move. 😁

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