Talk

Flip

Chat

What do I do?

10 replies

Ahhhhhbisto · 15/06/2023 13:54

Hi.

I also posted in relationships yesterday but had no replies.

I have pondered if I should post for a while now and have decided now is the time as I have nobody else I feel comfortable speaking too.

DH and I have been together for 16years. We have a happy relationship, communicate freely, have our own hobbies and shared hobbies.
In the last 6 months or so he has such little intetest in me sexually. We have had a good, fulfilling sex life for the entire relationship including after our 3 DC's were born.

I am as sure as I can be that he is not having an affair (drop into his workplace often, open access to his phone ect).

He has been to the GP as the lack of libido was bothering him as much as me. One lot of bloods have come back normal, waiting on the second set of results.

My question is what do I do? We have spoken and DH say we can still have sex and that he enjoys it when it happens but he just doesn't think about it. But tbh I now hate instigating as I feel like he is going through the motions like a box ticking exercise. So now DH doesn't instigate as he doesn't think about it and I don't instigate as I feel like I am pressuring him.

How do we move past this or can't we?

OP posts:

Thanks

Report

Watchkeys · 15/06/2023 13:55

You're not listening to him. He enjoys it when you instigate.

Why don't you believe him?

Thanks

Report

Ahhhhhbisto · 15/06/2023 13:58

Thank you for replying.

It seems like he is going through the motions rather than being in the moment.

Plus he has told me he has no libido and has been to the gp twice now because of it so I feel like I am not listening to the no libido if I keep instigating.

OP posts:

Thanks

Report

Watchkeys · 15/06/2023 14:06

Talk to him about that, then. Why haven't you told him that those 2 things clash, and it's bothering you?

Thanks

Report

Greentree1 · 15/06/2023 14:13

You could get the Doctor to prescribe Viagra (or whatever the generic is), which would kick start things. He may have low testosterone, there are supplements the Doctor could prescribe. Maybe just getting older.

Thanks

Report

SummerInSun · 15/06/2023 14:13

Are you deliberately setting up a reverse? Because this is how many women feel especially during menopause and the men are expected to be (a) understanding that lots of people want less sex as they age and (b) instigate and encourage in the ways they know their partner likes if they get a positive reception.

If your husband really wasn't into it he would be having performance issues, so it sounds like he does get into it when you instigate. So do that - shouldn't all be on him to make the first move - it's not 1850.

Thanks

Report

Ahhhhhbisto · 15/06/2023 14:20

Greentree1 · 15/06/2023 14:13

Getting an erection isn't a problem. His testosterone is what we are waiting results on.

OP posts:

Thanks

Report

Ahhhhhbisto · 15/06/2023 14:22

SummerInSun · 15/06/2023 14:13

No not setting up a reverse at all. Genuinely upset by this. DH is only 37.
It is certainly not all on him at all. The trouble is it has become that it is NEVER him.

OP posts: