Ask Doesn't Get? (old saying)

[LaGiaconda]

Can anyone remember being told this - or some variant - as a child? Want doesn't get, perhaps?

The idea being that it was wrong/greedy to ask for stuff. The better thing was just to keep quiet and hope - then you might be given something.

I am trying to recall the exact words used, though these might actually have varied

I want doesn't get!

Those that ask, don't get was what my granny always used to say ie wait until something is offered.

I want doesn't get. but at the same time shy bairns get nowt!

I think I've only heard the opposite 'if you don't ask you won't get'.

‘I want doesn’t get’ as in don’t be grabby and demanding of things eg don’t keep telling mum that you want those sweets, because mum won’t be buying them for you.
‘If you don’t ask you don’t get’ as in if you don’t ask a question or ask politely if you can have something, then you definitely won’t get an answer or the item in question, eg if you are hungry, ask politely if you can have something to eat, if you don’t ask, you definitely will stay hungry, because no one will know you were hungry!

"I want doesn't get" whereas "please may I have" often works. Actually my mum used to say "I want never gets".

"If you don't ask you won't get" is the other one, meaning that you should make your needs known. Politely.

”I want doesn’t get” but I think it’s that demanding element because my mum would also “you don’t ask, you don’t get”, “the worse that happens is they say no”. I think the difference is the asking.

”I want doesn’t get” would always be used when I wanted something and demanded. “I want an ice cream” vs “can I have an ice cream?” But when you ask someone if you can have something, the worse they will say is no. “Can you help me with this piece of work”, “no, sorry I’m busy at the moment”. “You need to help me with this work”, “no”. I don’t think it was about it being wrong to ask for stuff or being seen as greedy but demanding stuff is rude and doesn’t get you anywhere. You should ask, you should put yourself forward but the key is ask, not demand.

I want doesn't get is just a way of reminding someone to be polite to the person who decides if you get.

I often want to trot it out to MIL, who hands out invitations in the form of "I want", "BIL wants" etc, in the sense of issuing a royal command.

Where my husband gets his manners from I have no idea, because he's very polite!

I want doesn't get

“I want never gets, please may I have!”

"I want doesn't get."

There’s ‘I want never gets’ meaning if you don’t ask nicely and say ‘I want that’ (or similar) you won’t get what you want. Basically telling someone to ask politely.
Then there’s ‘if you don’t ask, you won’t get’ meaning if you want something you need to speak up or you will never get it. Of course if you do ask you still might not get it, but you definitely won’t if you don’t ask.

It's definitely "I want, doesn't get"

So, if you wanted an ice cream, and said "I want an ice cream", the response would be "I want, doesn't get" because, what you should have said is "Please may I have an ice cream"

It wasn't about not asking for anything, it was about asking with manners.

My mum definitely said this growing up, both I want doesn’t get (this was to ask more politely) and ask doesn’t get. I vaguely remember it going round supermarkets I think she didn’t want us nagging her for stuff. I’m in my 30s from west coast Scotland.

Yes, me too, I was taught the total opposite.

It was ‘I want doesn’t get’ but that was definitely in relation to kids saying ‘I want x, I want y’ and not asking nicely, rather than being about speaking out generally.

The better thing was just to keep quiet and hope-then you might be given something.

No, it wasn’t about this, but more about not using the words ‘I want’.

We were told "I want never gets" as a reminder to ask politely for things.

Don’t ask, don’t get is the way I remember it?

Ugh, this takes me back to age 5 and playing with another little girl who used this phrase on me whilst stuffing her smug little face with sweets (which she hadn't offered at all, hence the conversation) 😂

Such an odd memory to have from that age!

I heard this. DMs partner was from a weirdly strict and repressive family and they used to say "I want doesn't get" or "don't ask wait until you are offered" ALL the time. Rules For Children part eleventy billion, even though DM's DP didn't even HAVE any children. Basically, children should not be seen or heard! #bitter