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Original poster

Fraud - Elderly Woman Romance

29 replies

LostRider · 15/06/2023 10:08

Hi All,

Asking on behalf of a colleage, Their MIL is caught up in a romance fraud with a man in china. He is scamming her out of 100s that they are aware of. He has called the police, the CIL advert you hear on the radio and they say they cant help if they're not the victim. She believes hes coming over for xmas (they're never met, met on an online forum). Any advice on how to break through to this poor woman? She is in complete denial and clearly lonely poor soul.

OP posts:
Elderflower14 · 15/06/2023 10:29

There are programmes on TV where they show people how they have been scammed... Maybe get her to watch one of these?

flyingtherag · 15/06/2023 10:31

Yes there was one on iPlayer with Kim Marsh & someone else. Was so heartbreaking.

Original poster
LostRider · 15/06/2023 10:53

They've tried to send videos but she believes its different. Hes asked for 'help with gift cards' she refuses to speak about it and is on the defence. Is there any charities who deal with this or contacting the bank an option?

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 15/06/2023 10:59

My rule of thumb is if anyone asks you for money they are not your friend.
Also look in the mirror - if you are fat and old (me) then why would a good looking man be asking me for a date?
It's not rocket science.
Unfortunately I have a colleague in a similar situation, she's been sending money she can't afford to this Nigerian guy for a whole year in the belief he's coming to live with her.
Unfortunately he obviously isn't. She is totally fixated on him and thinks he is her whole life. I told her the photo is most likely not him anyway but she doesn't believe me.

Frequency · 15/06/2023 11:03

They've tried to send videos but she believes its different. Hes asked for 'help with gift cards' she refuses to speak about it and is on the defence.

Try showing her this channel. It deals specifically with gift card scams. Failing that, email the channel with this guy's details. They get all their targets from their viewers. They might not pick it up but it's worth a shot.

Psychotic Scammer hates these videos

Scammers have no remorse for what they're doing!If you're looking for more online security and want to save some money use our link! NordVPN at https://nordv...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ibnv1Q3mPqk

Wasley · 15/06/2023 11:15

I had one try to chat me up on Ancestry . Com via the DNA section where I put up a facial profile. I told him your not getting a penny from me , reported and blocked . I think they hope to hit on someone with early onset dementia.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 15/06/2023 11:17

Sadly, from experience with an elderly neighbour and a ‘lottery’ scam (she lost about £100k) such people just don’t/won’t listen - they are so convinced that it’s genuine - the bastard criminals can make themselves sound so convincingly ‘nice’.
And the police can do nothing unless the person themselves complains. Unfortunately the law takes the view that unless they’ve been officially deemed to lack capacity, people are free to throw their money away as they wish.

I’d def. try to get her to watch some of those BBC scam programmes, though. Tinder Swindler is IMO especially good, too, since it features young, attractive women, whereas the featured TV victims are all too often neither young nor what is generally considered attractive.

wheretoyougonow · 15/06/2023 11:17

Look up 'Think Jessica' it's a charity started by a woman whose older mum got caught up in a scam like this. Lots of helpful information on the website

Bluebells1970 · 15/06/2023 11:24

My Mum had this with a friend that had had a stroke and found an American serviceman online who was going to come and care for her. First it was costs for a visa, flights, he'd lost his job and couldn't pay his rent.... she ended up losing about £40k to someone. She wouldn't listen to reason and in the end, the Police were involved and traced the scammer to Nigeria. That money was her lifelong savings/pension fund and she lost it all. And the saddest part was that she was angry with everyone who tried to put a stop to it.

bwelli · 15/06/2023 12:00

. Tinder Swindler is IMO especially good, too, since it features young, attractive women, whereas the featured TV victims are all too often neither young nor what is generally considered attractive.

I agree with all you've said.

Though, I was on the Tinder Swindler discussion threads at the time, and while the younger women weren't unattractive, they were not above average and to the extent that a wealthy millionaire was pursuing them (and he was telling them how beautiful they were).

bwelli · 15/06/2023 12:03

Bluebells1970 · 15/06/2023 11:24

My Mum had this with a friend that had had a stroke and found an American serviceman online who was going to come and care for her. First it was costs for a visa, flights, he'd lost his job and couldn't pay his rent.... she ended up losing about £40k to someone. She wouldn't listen to reason and in the end, the Police were involved and traced the scammer to Nigeria. That money was her lifelong savings/pension fund and she lost it all. And the saddest part was that she was angry with everyone who tried to put a stop to it.

That's so tragic. I wonder how they can't see it (as a pp said to look in the mirror and wonder why they would be interested ). They must be very convincing, these fraudsters.

Tippytour · 15/06/2023 12:58

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Wasley · 15/06/2023 14:48

Bluebells1970 · 15/06/2023 11:24

My Mum had this with a friend that had had a stroke and found an American serviceman online who was going to come and care for her. First it was costs for a visa, flights, he'd lost his job and couldn't pay his rent.... she ended up losing about £40k to someone. She wouldn't listen to reason and in the end, the Police were involved and traced the scammer to Nigeria. That money was her lifelong savings/pension fund and she lost it all. And the saddest part was that she was angry with everyone who tried to put a stop to it.

She was in love with the fantasy .

PuffinsRocks · 15/06/2023 15:07

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There are plenty of stupid people who are neurotypical, but by all means continue the ablist stereotyping.

bwelli · 15/06/2023 15:11

There are plenty of stupid people who are neurotypical, but by all means continue the ablist stereotyping.

I don't think it's fair to label people as stupid, NT or ND, who have been victim to these fraudsters.

verdantverdure · 15/06/2023 15:15

It's like Brexit, it's obviously bullshit, but people want to believe.

These scammers exploit people's emotional weaknesses and press their buttons to manipulate them.

The Leave campaigns used similar techniques, so there are clearly a lot of susceptible people around.

Bluebells1970 · 15/06/2023 15:18

In the case of my Mum's friend, she'd been assessed as having full capacity to manage her own financial affairs even though she'd had a very severe stroke that left her with significant physical disabilities. SS didn't want to know as a result.

LakeTiticaca · 15/06/2023 15:20

Could your friend get onto this site and say they are Interpol and they have his address? Might scare him into backing off

TodayInahurry · 15/06/2023 15:27

Sadly people get totally obsessed with the scammers, banks try to stop them transferring money, but the victims go mental, they really believe the lies. Really nasty crime

LadyJ2023 · 15/06/2023 15:37

Sorry but police cab deal with this kindof thing happened to older people in our town different times and the pace visited and helped them see what was happening so maybe the ones he called cant be bothered then

MammaTo · 15/06/2023 15:44

Sadly from experience working in a bank if she’s down the rabbit hole there’s no getting her out. We had a lady come in week after week and send this man £1000’s and she’d gush every week that he was coming to see her next month but then he’d break his leg, kid got sick and coincidentally needed more money for medicine.
We had police out to her to explain, managers spoke to her privately and showed her all the videos to no avail.
It’s still going on to this day, she’s lost all her
money, it’s really sad for her kids.

Confusedmumannoyedson · 15/06/2023 15:50

MammaTo · 15/06/2023 15:44

Sadly from experience working in a bank if she’s down the rabbit hole there’s no getting her out. We had a lady come in week after week and send this man £1000’s and she’d gush every week that he was coming to see her next month but then he’d break his leg, kid got sick and coincidentally needed more money for medicine.
We had police out to her to explain, managers spoke to her privately and showed her all the videos to no avail.
It’s still going on to this day, she’s lost all her
money, it’s really sad for her kids.

Many she needs the attention and hope that someone might love here. Maybe there is something missing. Another way of looking at it might be that she pays them for her time chatting to her and making her feel a certain way? That said I do agree with everyone that the scams that take money from vulnerable people are awful but perhaps some are aware they are throwing money away and don't care? I'm probably wrong but just a different view.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 15/06/2023 15:50

Tell your colleague to get in touch with the guy, and offer to buy him off. Make it substantial, three times what he has been asking for. Tell him you will send a small amount of money to test the connection, £100 perhaps. Then see what he says.

if he agrees, show the victim the agreement, so she will not be able to tell herself that he is not in it for the money.

Confusedmumannoyedson · 15/06/2023 15:51

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 15/06/2023 15:50

Tell your colleague to get in touch with the guy, and offer to buy him off. Make it substantial, three times what he has been asking for. Tell him you will send a small amount of money to test the connection, £100 perhaps. Then see what he says.

if he agrees, show the victim the agreement, so she will not be able to tell herself that he is not in it for the money.

That sound a good idea.

MammaTo · 15/06/2023 17:27

Confusedmumannoyedson · 15/06/2023 15:50

Many she needs the attention and hope that someone might love here. Maybe there is something missing. Another way of looking at it might be that she pays them for her time chatting to her and making her feel a certain way? That said I do agree with everyone that the scams that take money from vulnerable people are awful but perhaps some are aware they are throwing money away and don't care? I'm probably wrong but just a different view.

Show quote history

Oh yeah no doubt it was really sad to watch.

She had lost her husband about 12 years previous to this all starting up and she would say how lonely it was.

When I said it’s sad for the kids I meant more watching their mum be lead on because she always thought he’d come and visit her and she’d get her hopes up and then be let down.