Please help me be more photogenic!?

[Victoria05]

I've started online dating and had to get my friend to take a million ones where I don't look nice. If I don't smile I look slightly better but if I do then I just look dreadful. If I am in the background of a pic, I just look awful. If I am smiling then I look really fat, and my eyes just disappear into little wrinkles, I don't know if it is just how my face works that my smile reaches my eyes so much. Are there any videos or guides out there? Any advice much appreciated!

Er, yes…

Stop being so hard on yourself!

No one looks ‘dreadful’. Every single person has attractive features. Including you.

And fat? No one cares. Honestly.

Smile. Be yourself.

You are a perfect version of yourself.

would you consider posting or sending a private message with a photo? You don’t have to of course (and you can crop it or scribble over anything identifying), but if you’re being serious here then it’s more beneficial to give you advice tailored to you. it’s likely you look better than you think you do regardless though as others won’t hone in on the same things you do.

The thing is, if that is how you actually look, and you learn to pose in such a way that changes it slightly you might end up accidently catfishing people.

I have a friend who relies heavily on filters and her date walked right by her when meeting for the first time.

Absolutely mortifying to have to walk over and point out that it is actually you if they were envisioning something else.

I find natural non staged photos capture a person best so maybe ask your friend to snap a few when you're off guard.

@growgrowinggrown there’s a considerable difference between posing in photos vs heavily using filters. Heavy filters manipulate facial features by modifying the shape/size/proportions to conventional beauty standards. “Smizing” in a non filtered photo doesn’t do that, your face would still be within the realm of your appearance in real life. Most people pose in photos. Not everyone distorts their appearance with heavy filters. You’re not helping the OP when you present an extreme/irrelevant scenario.

I had a friend who always hated smiling in photos because her eyes 'disappeared'... I honestly thought she had the most beautiful, genuine and friendly smile. As others have said, I think that you're being far too hard on yourself. A genuine smile is very attractive! Add a bit of flattering lighting (eg: by a window), nice hair (and make up if you wear it - don't try and put it on if it's not your thing), and maybe a favourite outfit for your own personal feel good factor and your picture will be great!

So I really don’t want to sound like that poster here and this is in no way shape or form personal to the OP but this really isn’t true.

I have never felt I photograph particularly well. I look best on ‘natural’ type photos, but there are sadly very few of those of me. I don’t know if you might consider getting some professional type ones OP, you can get them in parks or by the beach or something and they are pretty nice.

I look awful in photos so I feel your pain. Photos don't do me justice. Always hated my photo being taken because I feel I look like an American footballer (Inc padding).

When OLD I used to deliberately use a less-than-ideal picture. It meant they'd be pleasantly surprised IRL.

Your better off with professional ones for OLD if you’re not photogenic. You can have them done outside if you want to look relaxed/ natural

You probably look better than you think, OP, although I know what you mean, I (half) joke that I hope I am not photogenic and that I look better in real life.

The best option here is to ask a friend to go on a nice day out with you and take various pictures of you when you are out and about together. They can be posed or not. Then ask your friend to choose the photos to use. Your friend will see you in a much less critical way.

No advice, sorry OP.
But solidarity.
I'm told I'm pretty, beautiful even (🤢😳), but look like utter shit in EVERY photo.
When I try to pose, I have one of those awkward Victoria Beckham smiles, and look like I'm wearing a neck brace.
It's especially bad when DH takes a photo of me and spends about 5 minutes taking the shot!

A person whose smile reaches their eyes sounds like the sort of person I'd like to spend time with. Much better than someone whose smile stays firmly restricted to their lips.

This is what I don’t get. The amount of men I’ve chatted to on OLD who have complained that the women they have met look absolutely nothing like their pictures in real life and have often walked away from their date. Do these women actually think they can fool people into believing they actually look plastic and nothing like their real self. Even worse, do these men actually believe that those woman are actually going to look heavily filtered in real life? Can they not see that the woman is using a filter and that she will not look the same in real life lol

If I came across someone used professional pictures on their OLD profile I’d probably think it was a fake profile and they’d stolen them. Also to get professional pictures is costly. Usually anything between £80 and £350 for a set of professional pictures, which when you add that to the costs of using OLD ie. Most OLD apps will allow you to create a profile for free but will not allow you to contact anyone/ see likes etc without paying an extortionate amount of money. Seems a rather expensive way of trying to find someone, especially when there are so many complaints about OLD on MN where so many people have been messed about etc

I am extremely unphotogenic. I look terrible in photos. And yes, trying to get a semi decent shot for my profile when I was OLD was a nightmare. In the end I stuck to 2 pics, one full length, one head shot. Virtually every guy I met said I looked better in real life, which is the thing to focus on. So much better to be that way around than to meet and they are then disappointed you don't look as good as your photo!

One thing I realised is that when I'm having a photo taken is I have to open my eyes far wider than feels natural. Kind of like a shocked/surprised expression. Then a kind of smaller smile, not a big wide grin. You have to experiment with different facial expressions to get a shot you feel reasonably happy with. The face I make for photos is not one of my natural expressions but I've found it works best.

You're a fishcat! Better in real life - so y you end up meeting is going to be pleased.

Can you get a friend to speand a couple of hours with you taking photos from every angle, light, expression etc so you know roughly which ones are the most flattering?

It’s an investment. I had professional pics and never had any problems getting dates. I had a great time dating in fact. Met lots of nice guys and got to try out lots of great bars and restaurants. Met my husband on OLD after about a year

I have professional pictures done all the time for something completely unrelated to OLD and it is extremely costly. But if you feel it works for you then fine. However, it’s not what I’d advise specifically to get a date as pictures are pictures in my opinion. Either someone finds you attractive or they don’t. Also, I imagine that if you found someone decent who you went on to marry then i imagine it would have little to do with the professional pictures and more to do with the fact that someone liked you and was attracted to you for who you are rather than the fact you had professional pictures done.

If you think you look better in more natural shots, ask a friend to take a short video of you doing something. (Make sure the lighting is flattering first.)You can then scroll through the video and choose a frame that you think captures you at your best.
I learnt this trick having headshots done at design college and was the first photo I quite liked of myself.

Thanks for all the replies. I would love the get professional photos and I will at some point, but I really can't afford them at the moment :(

I have been told even by close friends "you look nothing like that in real life!" And on a date or two as well, the date has told me I look "different" in a pleasantly surprised way 😅😳

I went on a date this weekend and they tale your photo at the start and I bought the souvinir pictures but I honestly just looked like a big lump! I do look better in photos where I am wearing make-up but I really don't like wearing it.

I have a gummy smile and my body just looks weird in photos. I am overweight but not massively so; in photos I look enormous.

I can take a reasonable selfie where I am not smiling but if I am smiling I look terrible! I just don't know what I'm doing wrong

I photograph badly, but I have found that I look very different depending on the type of lens that is being used. So photo booth pictures look like what I see in the mirror (unlike what most people usually report) but phone cameras not so much. Do you know anyone with a proper camera with different size lenses?

This blog seems to indicate 50 or 85mm whereas my phone is 32mm (so a pretty wide angle lens).

I’ve also seen articles that give advice on how to pose and when I had some professional headshots taken, the photographer had me contorting to get some very “natural” looking shots of me.

I hate how I look in photos, but everyone else always says I look nice so you may be being over critical of yourself!

Make up definitely helps, eyeliner and mascara to make your eyes stand out. If you're taking selfies, hold the camera up higher and angle it with the top towards you as this makes your face look thinner! If someone else is taking the photo, get them to stand up if you're seated, sit at an angle rather than face on, and turn your head towards the camera. If you Google, there's lots of stuff online about how to look better in photos.

Good underwear and lighting, look for a YouTube or tik tok tutorial on how to get that lighting. It sounds like you feel under pressure so you are going to not relax, the best photos are often taken unawares.

What you need is a friend who will give you a hand and that friend has to be honest. Too many women want to be perceived as nice so don’t tell the truth.

No duck pouting but photo angle is also important and from above is why selfies often look better.

Also know the colours that suit you, I can’t wear beige and some cream shades as I look terrible. Really bad, almost unwell. To get one good photo that you are really happy with, you may need to take 50.

I am not a photographer but have worked in an area where I was around them a lot when younger.