New relationship and ex family

[Emily920]

Hi everyone,

my story is this. I was previously in an 11 year relationship in which I have a 5 year old daughter from that relationship. Me and her dad split up about 16 months ago and things have been pretty good since. He has her on specific days in the week for a couple of hours after school an every other weekend. It works well and it always has.

I have been in a new relationship since January and things are getting quite serious. He has met my daughter and we are talking about what the future looks like a lot. We spend a lot of time together and my daughter loves him!

however, my ex and his mum still text me every single day. My ex texts me on a Monday to see if he needs to get our daughter even though he knows his days are Tuesdays and Thursday, some messaged are relevant but some are just a waste of time. His mum sent me a message yesterday saying she wants to FaceTime her granddaughter every day in the evening.

now, if I was single, then it wouldn’t be too much of a big deal but I’m not and I’m in a new relationship with someone and I want to separate my old life to my new one. I didn’t get on with him mum throughout the 11 years we were together and I’d much prefer for them to just stick the arrangement we have got and let me get in with my life without the worry of constantly having them in my life every single day.

I appreciate I need to communicate with her dad regarding certain things and that’s ok but I do need there whole family FaceTiming every day and intruding on my privacy and time with my daughter.

am I being unfair?

my new partner finds it very weird that they are always texting and calling and it’s starting to annoy him because he feels I belong somewhere else. How do I politely say piss off?

It's completely unreasonable of her to expect to FaceTime her every day. Tbh it would be unreasonable if this was your own mother, as this is far too often and gets in the way of your own family life, but it's extra unreasonable to expect you to facilitate it. Tell her it's too much and she needs to see DD when she is with her dad.

As to your ex, well you can tell him you're fed up of him checking the routine when he should know it by now. But I think that part would be more manageable without his mum also sticking her oar in.

Politely ask your DD's grandmother to face time only on one set day per week while in your care. Negociate which day suits both of you best. She can also arrange to face time when DD is with her Dad.
It's nice that she wants a lovely realationship with her GD and that she feels free to communicate with you so don't burn all your bridges there as you never know when your DD will need or want to call on her.

She can FaceTime your DD while she’s with your ex. If you didn’t get on while you were together you owe her nothing now, you can ignore it, tell her no and to liaise with her son, or just block her.

Tell your ex you have a contact plan in place and ask him not to contact you unless something changes. Then ignore anything not relating to DD.

I think you need to own these decisions, which are very reasonable, and not let a new boyfriend dictate them. You’ve been together a few months, I really hope your daughter doesn’t love him. Slow down.

I’d say to her that she needs to FaceTime when your DD is with her dad; absolutely no need for this to be every day or the time she is with you. It sounds quite controlling.
I would also say that you don’t always have to respond to her or his messages and sometimes if you take a couple of days to reply it gives people the message that you arent going to jump to them every time

She lives with her son now and when she goes there she sees her grandma too. I tried being really blunt with her and saying no but she is quite overpowering and doesn’t shy away from making me feel like I’m stopping her from having a relationship. Bare in mind, the 11 years I was with her son, she spoke to her son already 7 times a day so I always knew this conversation would be difficult to have but i cant accept the rules shes TELLING mr shes putting in place.

when i say my dauhter loves my new partner, i mean shes very comfortable around him and things have been pretty easy. I have met someone that is good for me and i want to start my new life without pissing anyone off.

Well I wouldn’t worry about pissing his mum off. She’s being ridiculous. As you’ve tried to reason with her and it hasn’t worked you really should block her. What’s the worst that can happen? She tells your ex to tick you off? Ignore it. Let it wash over you.

You'll find no one who thinks she can demand daily calls from you.

Completely agree. You don't need to feel overpowered by her anymore, you never even need to speak to her.