Learning to do the “man jobs” after break up.

[Pressthespacebar]

I have just separated with my husband. I have a lot of children, a big and old house that requires a lot of upkeep.

exh wasn’t great at keeping on top of things but had little spurts where he’d get a lot done. We’re talking big jobs in the garden, repairing things inside the house and general painting and decorating.

Ive always found it frustrating waiting for him to do these things and wished I could do it myself but I’ve always told myself I’d be no good at it. However, I have no choice now but to learn!

Does anyone have any advice or can anyone point me in the right direction to learn all this stuff?

it’s overwhelming, there’s a lot of things half finished but I feel like I could chip away slowly at things if I put my mind to it.

My husband is very good at painting and decorating. He can build a flat pack. I'm good at basic plumbing. I can hang a picture on the wall. For more complicated jobs we go to YT or save up and get a handy person in.

Maybe your older kids can help? You could all have a learning journey together?

Is there any tradespeople or handy older relatives/friends you can ask advice from? My dad is quite infirm now, I'd never ask him to help, but he's a fountain of knowledge when it comes to practical matters.

YouTube is always my starting point, and google can explain how anything works. IMO the hardest thing sometimes is not having a second pair of hands, so if kids are old enough, do get them involved (or ask friends for help)

Good call re the second pair of hands. Me and OH do most DIY jobs together - it's not just lifting/carrying the heavier objects, it just reduces the boredom/tedium of long jobs. The set up/clear up is twice as fast too!

We make a good pair when wallpapering. OH does the measuring, pasting and hanging, and I do the fine work of cutting the tops/bottoms level, and cutting around things like wires & architraves that he's not good it.

Same when he's drilling a wall - I do simple things like helping him mark the holes level and then holding the dustpan or vacuum under the drill to collect the dust, meaning no need to clear up the mess afterwards. Though I'm no stranger to the drill myself and am happy enough to drill holes on my own, but it's just easier with two.

I did a lot with my son when OH was at work and I wanted to make progress with jobs - I took the lead and he helped me by finding/passing screws, putting down cloths, etc and together we've made quite a few flat packs, even when he was as young as 7 or 8, and we continued that throughout his teens.

I definitely agree on YouTube - you can find instructions for virtually anything. Also if a machine of any sort goes awry, search online for the model number and there’s a good chance you’ll find people talking about that specific item.

If you’re a Facebook user Handy Women is a great group of women doing all sorts of DIY. Good for ideas and general inspiration that youve got this!

My dad tried teaching me DIY but I couldn't do any of it. Not quite true I can plane, sand down and paint but anything that needs two hands is out.

I don't appreciate the anyone can do it message we can't.

I think it goes without saying that those saying "anyone can do it" aren't referring to people with disabilities!

There's a handyperson local to me who runs a weekend course on basic diy - plumbing/ electrics/ hanging pictures/ tools etc. could you look for something in your area ?

Just remember it can't be that hard - men learn to do it all the time 😂

Old fashioned jokes aside, remember that you are learning. I found it wasn't hard to learn how to take out a radiator - but then the joint was leaking and that was a plumber job. Breathe, don't panic, and you can sort a lot of it by going back to the Internet and then going to the shops. Just don't start plumbing on a Sunday afternoon!

Also from experience - when painting, prep is soooo important. Light sanding first and get rid of any bumps. Check you're using the correct type of paint I.e. water based won't go over vinyl easily unless you sand very well first to give it a key. Use decent tools - quality rollers and brushes that won't shed. Good luck'

Similar here a few years ago. For the garden, I just focused on keeping it tidy at first, weeding and mowing. My Dad put a little tool kit together for me and I've added to it when I need tools for specific jobs. Plan properly it's more difficult if you find yourself needing materials or tools or you get out of your depth halfway through. You tube is amazing. Figure out what you can do and what you need resources for. I don't touch electrics, gas or plumbing. It's really satisfying doing the work yourself. My mum's been through a similar arc when my Dad died so we boast about our achievements to each other.

As a woman you have an instinctive advantage over us men.
You will probably read the instructions that come with any item or piece of kit.
😉
Then YouTube

I don’t have anything but this to add - before you spend a fortune on buying tools, look to see if there is a borrowing service local to you. I know that Screwfix does one, but we have a local Library Of Things, and you can borrow a whole load of things from a popcorn maker to a power tool for a weekend.

Also, part of planning is to buy everything you think you may need, even contingencies in case of minor disasters, and just take/send back whatever you've not used. Far easier/quicker (probably less messy) and less stressful than panicking and driving around the shops trying to find something you suddenly need, especially if the shops are about to close!

That's one (probably the only) benefit of using "proper" tradesmen, in that they usually have the full range of tools and a van full of "odds and sods" from other jobs, so they can usually deal with the "unexpected" quickly after a bit of digging around in the chaos of their van.

(Except the con merchants who pretend they have to "go and get supplies" in the middle of you job, when they really mean they're going for a bacon butty, or to quote for another job, or to even do another small job, but continue to charge you for their time on an errand they didn't need to do because the "supplies" were in their van all the time!).

You've got this.

YouTube all the way.

My DH is super super handy, and electrically qualified, so he does 99% of things.

But it really pissed me off once when he said I "didn't know how" to do things like decorating, hanging wall paper etc.

I bloody well do

So when he went away with work the other day, he came back to an entirely painted dining room. Which included me having to caulk.

I had NO idea how to caulk, or even what it was....but I googled the question (e.g. why is there a gap between the wall and the coving strip) (I sent my uncle a photo and asked him what the coving was called).
.I then watched a YouTube video and voila. Perfect.

Take your time, watch videos, invest in convenience and tools (e.g. I buy roller tray liners, saves washing the tray)

Buy the best quality you can afford.

And don't buy Valspar paint in light colours. It's shit. Valspar paint in any other shade (e.g. not white or cream) is fantastic. But cream and white is fucking awful.

The first job I did was mend my tumble dryer using YouTube tutorials. After that, my friends husband bought me a socket set which is the Key To The Universe of repairs.

he used to say was that money spent on tools was never wasted.

He never saw me in B&Q 😆7 screwdriver sets later...

Youtube is your friend.

I use it a lot now my Dad is dead. I do miss being able to phone him for advice (or moral support before I do the jobs that scare me!).

Another tip is just to look at how things work and try and problem solve when things are broken. when my washing stopped working ( with wet clothes inside) i turned it off, opened it up and checked for any loose wires i couldn't see anything wrong so put the lid back on, plugged it back in and the door opened!! i got a few more months out it it before i had to replace it. i don't mess with electrics, but will always check a fuse before replacing an item.

I agree with getting power tools such as an electric screwdriver! It's intimidating at first and then you're like a demon!! 🤣🤣

Also treat yourself to a pink toolkit incl hammer and nails so you feel good & girly as you go!!💝

I also keep a supply of superglue as it fixes a lot!!

You can do hard things! 🤗

Make a list. Of all jobs. Pay people to do big jobs. Pay someone to do it if the finish is very important, eg cutting the kitchen worktop. Or else YouTube is your friend.

Just an update, I repainted my living room including the woodwork and doors, bought a sideboard and side table and painted them (properly! Sanded then first and used primer and painted with a spray gun!)

The only thing i couldn’t do was put on a new door handle so I got exh to do that for me when he came over.

It feels so much better in here and I can’t wait to move on to my next project.

thanks all the tips and advice they really helped.

@Pressthespacebar I’ve successfully managed some DIY tasks by following some good videos on YouTube be a fella called Pouse around the House

Pressthespacebar · Today 16:42

Just an update, I repainted my living room including the woodwork and doors, bought a sideboard and side table and painted them...

Well, good for you! It'll give you some confidence to do more. And as LadyKX says, there are videos of all sorts of "how to" online.

😀

Good for you OP. Well done.

When I look back I have given loads of things a go which terrified me when we split up. I remember the first time having to carve the chicken myself with the electric carving knife felt really scary.. In the meantime I have done lots, and also keep track of how much it would have cost to get someone in to do it, to motivate myself, and make me feel better when I do want to get someone to do it. This facebook group Handy Women | Facebook are really inspiring and supportive too.