Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Life decisions with young children

29 replies

Led921900 · 13/06/2023 19:22

Do you think it’s a good idea to make life decisions when you have small children or wait until they’re a bit older and see how you feel?

Mine are 6 months, 2.5 years and 5.5 years and it feels so relentless.

We’ve (well I have) been thinking a lot of leaving London back up north to where my family are. I love London and have been here 18 years now there’s a lot more to do and see than back home obviously…. But our world now mainly revolves around home, school and the childminder. So I wonder if it would be nice to be back near family?!

I’ve heard you shouldn’t make big decisions when your kids are little as you could end up regretting them but what do you think?

OP posts:

MuggleMe · 13/06/2023 20:00

I guess the alternative is you wait a bit and then your eldest is getting ready for GCSEs and they've all made forever friends and you end up staying because you don't want to uproot them?

I'd try and speak to friends who's children are a little older to understand what you might be missing, but if you want the benefit of being near family, it makes sense to do it precisely now not in 5 years.

SnapPop · 13/06/2023 20:03

I think it is quite common to move back to be close to family when you have kids, and as pp says it gets harder to uproot them as they get older.

Does your DH agree? Would you both be able to get new jobs fairly easily?

ItsCalledAConversation · 13/06/2023 20:09

We moved out of London when we had our first and moved twice while kids were small before settling where we are now (kids are still primary age). Still within striking distance of London and visit regularly, but kids can actually run around, form lasting friendships (not just transient friends) and be in nature (not just a park) where we live now. I’m so happy with our decision.

By contrast someone I know left it til both her kids had started primary (they were y4 And y2) when they moved out of London. God knows why they made that decision but they hated it, couldn’t settle, have moved back to London within 6 months and lost tons of money on their house/stamp duty and are now renting. Idiots. (I don’t like this woman anyway, if you can’t tell!)

Id say if you’re going to do it, move them when they’re young. Don’t wait beyond y4 at the latest.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

Original poster

Led921900 · 13/06/2023 20:09

I didn’t want to move back north before having kids… but we used to get out and about a lot more. I’m wondering if when they’re a bit older things will feel more balanced and we’ll enjoy our area more.
We do holidays with family so I see them then and there are more career opportunities here… but when I think of retiring I think about being near my sister so why wait until then? It’s a bit of a muddle!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Led921900 · 13/06/2023 20:12

DH wfh full time now his office closed but I’d be commuting first then might find something local in future. Job is much better paid in the south and office days are only a few it makes it worth it but obviously not an expense we have now.

OP posts:

NuffSaidSam · 13/06/2023 20:13

I'd think about when they're 12-25. Where will offer the best experience for them then. I'd live there.

It's easy to make life nice for small children pretty much anywhere. External environment becomes much more important once they hit the tween/teen years.

In terms of you getting out and about that will come back once the kids hit the tween/teen years too.

PermanentTemporary · 13/06/2023 20:19

Yeah I'd go north to family. Personally I'd choose a nice area near a city. I look at a close friend who lives in one of the Saddleworth villages so easy city access together with a great community, alongside some of the most beautiful countryside in the country, and her life looks pretty damn good. Her parents are nearby and are aging - she's very happy to be near them.

starlight2023 · 13/06/2023 20:31

I think it's easier to move when they are younger. I moved to be close to my family when I had my first dc and it has been amazing to have them in our lives more & now they are poorly i have been able to help them so much. The town is not somewhere I would want to be when the dc are older though (quite rough) and I'm wondering when the latest is I can move before they won't want to (currently year 2 and 5 and feel like I don't have much time to decide)

Original poster

Led921900 · 13/06/2023 20:38

It’d be near (inbetween) Liverpool and Chester, the taxi’s back were a pain from a night out but there’s enough going on for the kids to enjoy themselves. Probably have more for them to do and easier to get around in London though!

OP posts:

WelcomeToMonkeyTown · 13/06/2023 20:42

I think any kind of long distance move is easier when they're younger as they don't really have any roots in the current home yet.

Once they're a few years into school they're going to (hopefully!) have friendships which will get harder to leave.

At the age your kids are, they don't really get any say in it and will just go along with it

Original poster

Led921900 · 13/06/2023 20:44

I think it’s more will I regret it when the kids are older and wish I’d stayed in London for career choices and the Craic?! But I suppose it’s impossible to know!

OP posts:

PermanentTemporary · 13/06/2023 22:21

Why not either Liverpool or Chester?

Original poster

Led921900 · 14/06/2023 08:46

We’d be on a bus route to Liverpool or Chester or a 25 minute drive from either. Just a shame there isn’t a night bus!

But we’d be moving to be closer to family not 25-30 minutes away so we’d move to my home town.

OP posts:

Original poster

Led921900 · 14/06/2023 08:47

I think it’s more the anxiety around regretting it when the kids are a bit bigger. For the career/fun and possibly commuting costs that we don’t have now or lower salary opportunities.

OP posts:

Hazelnuttella · 14/06/2023 08:49

I love being close to my family. It’s just nice to be able to pop round with DC on the weekend and have some adult company while he plays.

ksjsb · 14/06/2023 08:51

I think you just need to make sure you're thinking long term as well as short term, it's easy to make a decision when kids are small that suits you then, but the truth is they don't stay small for very long! It doesn't feel like it now but it will go in a flash. We relocated when our kids were younger, but we tried to think ahead to the teen years and what we wanted for them in terms of education, lifestyle and independence as teens. Moving home would have made those early years easier for us, but would have held back our children as we've moved to somewhere with a lot more opportunities. So try to think of the bigger picture, not just the short term help. It may well be at your home area ticks multiple boxes in which case that would be great!

Dancingoapin · 14/06/2023 08:57

I ummed and ahhed a lot about moving back north to be near family when my kids were little.

I didn’t in the end and now they are older ( one primary one high) I’m glad I stayed in London. Even as a single parent I have much more ability to enjoy London again.

It depends though on what’s important to you though - I love theatre and other things London offers and have much more career opportunities in areas that interest me now I’m at a stage I’m
able to pick up my career again. Although I love my family and see them several times a year we aren’t super close. One of my DC also has a slightly more unusual interest which is easier for him to access here.

Maybe try and think of the reasons you moved to London in the first place and how many of those are still important to you and your DH?

Jackiebrambles · 14/06/2023 09:03

We did and have considered moving back to be near my family, but actually when our kids were very young I was worried about job opportunities and salaries for us both away from the south east. This was pre wfh! So we stayed put.

Then they started primary and made such good friends, joined clubs etc and were doing so well at school I just couldn’t comprehend moving them.

Ours are now towards the end of primary school and it feels too late to move them now. So I’d say move soon if you think you want to!

Lots of families I know have moved out of London, to the coast and that sort of thing. But I love London, we have a great community and I think it’s going to be great for my pre teens and then when they are older!

Original poster

Led921900 · 14/06/2023 10:46

Yeah it’s really hard to know what to do! I’m a project manager looking to go to programme manager in next 5 years when youngest starts school and my current company are supportive of getting me there and ongoing more of those jobs and better paid in South! But they didn’t want me home based and even a day in the office a week would cost me £600 a month from Liverpool. (I’d try and do two lots of 2 days a month which would make it about £400).

I was a teenager up north and Liverpool is a great night out! But myself and all my friends have scattered for work
ad there’s not too many jobs up there.

I’m going for a few days in July to stay with my sister. Go back to work end of July and will see how I feel then. Work makes the week go quick but on weekends we sometimes don’t see anyone else and that can make things feel lonely and hard! I know I’d be round my sisters for a bit, kids playing or Sunday lunch together at a pub. Even evening dog walks would be lovely with someone! Just hard to know if it’s for the best in the medium- long term and the cost of moving means we couldn’t come back! (Assuming our house would sell at the moment!)

OP posts:

ksjsb · 14/06/2023 10:49

Lots of project and programme management jobs in the public sector and lots of civil service organisations in that region, won't be as well paid as private obviously but I suppose it's weighing up cost of living up vs London.

Jeannieofthelamp · 14/06/2023 10:53

How do you like to spend your time? The big advantage for me of being in London is access to culture and activities that I wouldn't have in the North. We go to lots of museums, galleries, theatre etc. But I've got plenty of friends who have left London and don't miss it because they spend their time on hobbies that can be done anywhere, or they like to be outdoors in the countryside etc. If you have no career or particular interests tying you to London I'd be really tempted to move.

Aozora13 · 14/06/2023 11:00

I have similar age DC and we are planning to move from London back to my hometown in the next year. At the moment we don’t really make the most of London - just school/nursery, park, local high street so could be anywhere! Our reasons for moving are mainly to be near my family, but also for a different pace of life since I developed a chronic illness. DH is already fully WFH and I would like to be too (for health reasons). My home town isn’t anything special but is interesting enough for teens, has enough options if they want to stay local but isn’t so interesting they wouldn’t want to spread their wings - I always imagined my DC would move away for uni and possibly work even if we stayed in London. It also has much better schools - secondaries round my bit of London are terrible, oversubscribed or private. We’re making the decision now so it’s easier on the kids. It’s a leap of faith but any big life decision is.

NoSquirrels · 14/06/2023 11:13

It’s a hard decision for sure. Sometimes I wish we’d stayed, but equally there have been many many times I’ve been glad to have moved. We couldn’t afford to buy a family-sized property where we were renting, and the idea of moving to the outer commutable burbs to get a house we could afford seemed pointless so we moved ‘back home’ instead. Closer to family has been a major plus. Job opportunities is a major downside. One teen would enjoy London living, one’s not a city kid at all. There’s no right answer so you just have to make a decision and then make the most of what you decided, I think.

ksjsb · 14/06/2023 11:14

We go to lots of museums, galleries, theatre etc.

I'm not in the North but do feel the need to defend that there is plenty of culture outside of London, there are museums, galleries and theatres everywhere and London is pretty accessible. You would need to be be a pretty hard core culture fan to not be able to scratch that itch outside of London I think.

Original poster

Led921900 · 14/06/2023 11:31

Actually Liverpool has the most museums and galleries outside of London!
but I take your point in London I think it do it. Back home you have to go much further afield if there’s something more specific!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2