People who don’t refer to you using your name

[beeonmybonnett]

Does it annoy you when other people are talking about you with another person, right in front of you, and refer to you as he/she rather than using your name?

For example, at work this morning, one of my colleagues went to the local Tim Hortons and asked us if we wanted her to get us anything whilst she was there. I told her my order and then she asked one of my other colleagues if she wanted anything, and she said something like “just whatever she’s having” (referring to me!)

Just wanted to have a rant! I guess it’s quite a minor thing in the grand scheme of things, but it happens to me quite often and it really grinds my gears! Not sure why people can’t refer to others using their names, I find it so rude.

Does this annoy anyone else?

I don’t think I’m being ridiculous to expect good manners of other people.

No doesn’t bother me. I find constantly saying my name worse it is like a creepy sales person.

You are being precious in this situation. I do agree it would be rude if you were not in the conversation but still in earshot and they didn't use you name the first time they referred to you. But even in that scenario it would be fine to use she after that.

'Oh yes, Sarah updated me about that. She wants it by tomorrow.' Fine.

But as most people are telling you, it is not generally considered rude to talk this way. You were taught it was mad manners by someone who took it to the extreme.

I would agree with you if the colleague I’m talking about had already mentioned my name, a lot of people are saying it would be annoying to persistently use the person’s name, which I agree with.

However, this colleague hadn’t mentioned my name so she only referred to me as “she”. It’s just my own personal opinion that I find it rude. It’s not about being precious or expecting a lot, it’s just about being polite.

It’s not how I would address other people anyway. I wouldn’t overuse their name but certainly wouldn’t call them “she” or “her” the first time i am talking about them.

Well in your personal opinion you can find nanny different things to be rude. But that doesn't mean that others are being rude.

And that’s OK, others have different views, but personally I expect to be referred to by my name not ‘she’ or ‘her’ like I don’t even deserve to have a name.

I can’t imagine giving even the tiniest shit.

When it happens regularly, believe me, you do start to get quite irritated by it.

This was my thinking exactly. In the context given it seems fine!

Your colleague was speaking to a barista, who presumably doesn’t know you from Adam.

”I’ll have what she’s having” is both a cute When Harry Met Sally quote when ordering something and perfectly polite when when the server doesn’t know your name.

“I’ll have what Beeonmy’s having” isn’t spectacularly helpful when the barista doesn’t know who Beeonmy is. They’ll just guess they mean you, but it could be the woman ahead of you or whatever.

In truth I personally would probably say “Same for me please” but your colleague was not rude.

YABU if only for your ignorance of one of the greatest rom coms ever made.

But… my colleague does know my name so that is kinda irrelevant. We have worked together long enough and converse near enough everyday so im not sure that “not knowing my name” is an excuse.

I would be fine for her to say “she” after she initially said my name. I think saying “she” the first time is just plain rude.

YANBU. It's rude.

OK, I had some sympathy up to this point, but that's extremely touchy.

Well, good thing I’m not looking for sympathy.

and no it’s not touchy, so you think not referring to someone using their name on the first instance isn’t rude? It is . And it’s kinda degrading. But OK 👍

It’s horrible to think people think of you as just a “she” when you have an actual name.

Oh come on, "not worthy of having a name"? That's heading into crazytown for some small thing that might be considered a little bit rude.

I don't think "whatever she's having" is necessarily referencing that quote from When Harry Met Sally.

I wouldn’t get too annoyed about it if it was the first time it occurred but she does it quite often and it really is starting to get on my nerves.

I think I will have to make a sarcastic remark the next time it happens.

This .

She wasn’t referencing when Harry met sally.

to be fair, I don’t think she intends to be rude when she refers to people as ‘she’ or ‘her’ (not just me, I’ve noticed her do the same with others), nor do I think she is aware of it, but she needs to become more socially aware as it is rude.