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Original poster

Am I being oversensitive at work -

16 replies

Tead · 13/06/2023 10:32

A senior colleague will often instant message me in a way i think is slightly rude / cold.
For example, she will write in an IM, 'I need this by 11:30' or 'How much is xxx'.
I normal would start my messages with a Hello or Hi or some form of greeting.

i've started to communicate with her in exactly the same way; no greetings or hello, but i was asked by my manager to be more polite, after she was copied in on a few emails.

OP posts:
ilovemydogmore · 13/06/2023 10:33

Her intention is not to be rude though - just direct and to the point. Your intention was to be rude!

LivingDeadGirlUK · 13/06/2023 10:34

Hmm what kind of instant messaging? If its something like Teams then I would expect the pleasantries at the start of the day and then any further messages treated as continuing the conversation. It's supposed to be less hassle than sending emails back and forth.

saveforthat · 13/06/2023 10:34

Very busy people often leave out the niceties. I usually start with Good Morning etc. but as the conversation continues (if it does) revert to one liners for speed.

Lissadell · 13/06/2023 10:34

Tead · 13/06/2023 10:32

A senior colleague will often instant message me in a way i think is slightly rude / cold.
For example, she will write in an IM, 'I need this by 11:30' or 'How much is xxx'.
I normal would start my messages with a Hello or Hi or some form of greeting.

i've started to communicate with her in exactly the same way; no greetings or hello, but i was asked by my manager to be more polite, after she was copied in on a few emails.

Just tell your manager that you’re mirroring the brisk, no-frills tone your colleague evidently prefers.

Infusionist · 13/06/2023 10:34

This is just some peoples style on IM. Especially if you’re messaging a lot, there’s not necessarily a need for pleasantries on every message

saveforthat · 13/06/2023 10:36

If you were having a face to face conversation you would probably say how are you etc. to start and then just get to the point.

bibbityboppityboo · 13/06/2023 10:36

My boss is similar on instant messages - they're meant to be quick communication without all of the words / frills of an email.

He's ridiculously busy and will IM if he needs information quickly as it's a quicker response than email. In an email when you've got time to type it out and send it, I'd expect a hello at least.

Emails and IMs have different communication rules I think! Like texts vs letters.

cocksstrideintheevening · 13/06/2023 10:37

No one uses niceities on our IM - that's the whole point of it.

Email, you should be more polite. What is her tone when she emails you?

katmarie · 13/06/2023 10:40

I have to remind myself to do the niceties when I'm messaging and emailing, I have a very direct writing style that can come across as blunt, so I have to make an effort to temper that. Maybe this person is the same?

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 13/06/2023 10:44

Emails are different to IM, so I'm not surprised your manager thinks you're being rude if you don't say hi in those. IM is for quick questions and answers.

JauntyJinty · 13/06/2023 10:46

LivingDeadGirlUK · 13/06/2023 10:34

Hmm what kind of instant messaging? If its something like Teams then I would expect the pleasantries at the start of the day and then any further messages treated as continuing the conversation. It's supposed to be less hassle than sending emails back and forth.

I agree with this

Even on e-mail with collegues they tend to start the days with a niceties

"Hi,

hope you had a good weekend

Where did we get on with X project?

Thanks

<name>"

but after the 1st introductory one they quickly go to 1 liners

"How about project Y?"

I've never seen it as rude, but do "match the other perosns energy". People who seem to prefer saying Hi <name> and <best regards> at the end of every e-mail will get the same!

Whenwillitallmakesense · 13/06/2023 10:48

And did your manager say the sane to your colleague, who you say initiated the messaging style in the first place or was it just said to you?

edwinbear · 13/06/2023 10:53

I think it just different styles, personally, I find all the niceties a bit irritating. If someone messages or e mails and starts off with 'how was your weekend' it annoys me, as I know they need to ask me a more work related question so I'd prefer to just get to the point - they are not actually interested in my weekend! However, I also accept that I'm unusual in this, so have to make an effort to go with the societal norms. Fortunately, my boss has a similar style, so he and I can be very direct with each other without either taking offence.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 13/06/2023 23:12

Well now I think people think I'm rude. I don't bother with good mornings etc after the first post of the day. I'm up to my eyeballs and need information I don't have time to jabber on.

I also find it annoying when getting replies when I have to read through the shit to get to the answer.

I'd rather we all just cracked on with the necessaries. Thankfully I work with a lot of women who I'm very friendly with and a lot of men who are also always sharp to the point.

lljkk · 13/06/2023 23:17

I feel like an alien & have to discipline myself to add pleasantries so I can "pass" as normie. In reality the pleasantries drive me batty. Especially signing off emails. 1st thing u do is look to see who it's from. No need for signatures.

PurplePear7 · 13/06/2023 23:20

I don’t always say Hi/Hello/Morning on messages or emails! Depends who I’m talking to and how often I speak to them really, I don’t mean to be rude.

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