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Original poster

Don't want to home educate

22 replies

MaxwellCat · 12/06/2023 19:41

My son has always hated school ever since he started. He is now in year 4 but has hated it since reception. He gives me problems every morning, crying, begging me not to send him, he stays up all night as he doesn’t want to go to school. He has no friends in school as he doesn’t speak to the other children. We are late most mornings as he refuses to go. I joined some FB groups for support but they are very pushy towards home education which I am unable to do. They have also said he must have SEN if he hates school to this extent. Does hating school always mean SEN? His school have said they don’t believe he has any SEN. I can’t have him at home full time so I don’t know what the answer is. Any advice? I'm a lone parent and I don't want to home educated but the facebook groups I've tried to get advice on (even the single parent ones) have been very pushy towards home education. Has anyone been in this situation and found anything that has helped? Any advice? They've made me feel bad for saying I can't keep him home forever.

OP posts:

Whyohwhyohwhy123 · 12/06/2023 19:45

What size of school does he currently attend? A smaller school might be a better option. Although depending on where you live that might require moving.

Sirzy · 12/06/2023 19:47

Can you look at different schools locally? A change may help

parietal · 12/06/2023 19:48

Hating school might not be SEN but pursuing SEN options and support for anxiety might help your son get into a school setting where he can cope.

Did he ever do nursery? Do he do any activities with other kids?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General education Home educating Primary education

Original poster

MaxwellCat · 12/06/2023 19:51

No he didn't go to nursery.

Moving schools isn't an option I have 3 other children at the school, moving also isn't an option. Tbh even if i could move his school all schools in the area are the same, his school is 700 and they are all a similar size in our area.

OP posts:

IAm1OfTheManyUsers · 12/06/2023 19:52

Are you able to find out what he hates about school? Is it the early starts, the seating plan, does it feel too busy/loud? I'm just wondering, if you are able to pinpoint what it is, maybe it'll be easier to work on that.
As a home educator, I would not push home education on anyone- what works for one won't necessarily work for someone else.

I'd also look at other schools in the area.

Hope you find a solution that works for both of you

IAm1OfTheManyUsers · 12/06/2023 19:53

Sorry @MaxwellCat cross posted, I see you can't move schools.
In that case, I'd initially try and see if you can find out what it is that makes him dislike school so much, and take it from there hopefully.

Original poster

MaxwellCat · 12/06/2023 19:53

He hates everything about it, the teachers, the children, he says the day is too long / 6 hours is too long.

OP posts:

fedupallthisrubbish · 12/06/2023 19:57

Would it help if he had a 1 to 1? If so apply for an EHCP as a parent (ipsea has a template letter). Some children aren't for mainstream school ....

fedupallthisrubbish · 12/06/2023 19:58

Is he keeping up with the class?

Grimbelina · 12/06/2023 19:58

In your situation I would absolutely be pursuing SEN assessments and not leaving it. There could be an ASD/PDA profile which often leads to school refusal - look at the PDA society and see if your recognise any of the behaviours etc.

If there is SEN or even suspected SEN then the school needs to put adjustments in place. This might be the best chance you have of your DC staying in school as things only tend to get worse with the transition ro secondary.

Schools are rarely very knowledgeable on ASD/PDA and sometimes refuse to recognise other SEN, especially primaries who push the problem onto secondaries.

Original poster

MaxwellCat · 12/06/2023 20:11

I really don't think he would get a 1:1 he is doing ok academically and doesn't have any behavioural issues. The children with 1:1 in his school are those with challenging behaviour, he is very quiet and pretty much just fades into the background. I don't see any traits of autism tbh and he is a different child outside of school which is why I was wondering if not liking school means a child is autistic or has special needs.

OP posts:

1099 · 12/06/2023 20:14

How is he once he is at school. Does he settle down and get on with work. Also are the school doing anything to help.

MarnieCres · 12/06/2023 20:16

Reading these documents might help you to know what to expect from the school. Are school trying to help? Is there a plan to support your child? Have the school sought support from external services?

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/1136965/Summary_of_responsibilities_where_a_mental_health_issue_is_affecting_attendance.pdf

RequiresUpdating · 12/06/2023 20:17

Has he had hearing and sight checked recently?

Would they let you go and sit in for a couple of lessons?

Can you ask in a round about way? Not what don't you like. Ask what he does like. What would he change? What would he teach if he was teacher for a day?

do any of his siblings have an idea?

is it something as daft as he doesn't like the buttons on his trousers? Or he finds the seats uncomfortable?

elodiedie · 12/06/2023 20:21

Speak to the school about it and explain just how difficult he is finding it. Do they know the full extent of his problems? Most schools have a family link worker or similar who will be able to talk to him and maybe do some work with him to try to get to the bottom of the issue.

FofB · 12/06/2023 20:29

There was a child like this at my child's primary school. Eventually, his Mum arranged for him to go to the library every lunch time and read a book. He did this every single day until he left the school.

It helped- gave him some quiet peace in the middle of the day and allowed him to calm his thoughts. He didn't have any friends and despite everything his Mum worried about, he didn't seem to want any.

Greentree1 · 12/06/2023 20:31

I hated primary school, my parents just said you have to go. Tough love maybe. I was also a sit at the back and fade away child. My problem was mainly the other children, we were outside the usual (local estate) catchment and the other children all knew each other outside school (I didn't really realise this until years later). It was miserable but I survived.

Modernmuse · 12/06/2023 20:38

It's the school system that's the problem, not your son. But on here you will get the usual trollope about forcing/ breaking him until he conforms, it's good for resilience you know, because that's more convenient for everyone involved except your poor son.

Magssss · 12/06/2023 20:46

Just interested to know what was he like when everyone was forced to be homeschooled due to covid? Was he happy then? I agree I don’t think you should homeschool if you don’t want to. I homeschooled for 3 years by choice and found it really hard & now my kids go to school. I expect maybe your son is just very very introverted and finds the school environment v overstimulating

Disgruntledpelicanlady · 12/06/2023 20:47

He may not have SEN in terms of a learning issue but I think his SEMH needs need to be considered.
School should be supporting with this.

Grimbelina · 12/06/2023 21:01

MaxwellCat · Today 20:11
I really don't think he would get a 1:1 he is doing ok academically and doesn't have any behavioural issues. The children with 1:1 in his school are those with challenging behaviour, he is very quiet and pretty much just fades into the background. I don't see any traits of autism tbh and he is a different child outside of school which is why I was wondering if not liking school means a child is autistic or has special needs.

My DC with ASD/PDA was doing great academically and 'masked' all day at school. I was told repeatedly (over years) that there was no SEN. His school were wrong and have since apologised. We had a family history of ASD though so I knew what I was dealing with.

I would still be pursuing assessments and trying to access more support as things can go dramatically and quickly downhill with full-on school refusal that is very hard to come back from.

Cakeorchocolate · 12/06/2023 21:09

Could flexi-schooling be an option?

It's not easy to get schools to agree to by any means but if he really hates school and you really can't possibly move him to a different school maybe it's worth looking into.

(There are fb groups that are good with going about requesting it if it is something you could consider. )

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