Wedding 21st August - please help me!

[App1es]

I've also posted this in the weight loss section. I'm attending a wedding on 21st August and I'll see lots of people I've not met for a long time.

The problem is that I've been busy caring for my unwell parent, work takes over my life, children need attention, in-laws have had problems. All the usual excuses that mean I haven't thought about myself for a long time. I've been eating sporadically but usually bad food and given up on exercise- I've put on weight!

I lost a lot of weight a few years ago, but a comment from my partner regarding my stomach really stayed with me and I sort of gave up. I've had multiple c-sections due to medical complications and will never have a flat stomach. I know I need to ignore DP and focus on me.

What I want to do is to lose as much weight as possible before this wedding (weight AND excess belly fat) so that I look good for the few days I'm seeing all these people, and then I'll get back to a sustainable way of staying healthy.

I'm currently a size 14 with a big belly (I was a size 8). My plan is to start the keto diet (I've had lots of positive feedback from friends) and exercise until the wedding (less sure about what I should be doing here). What do you think? I'd really appreciate some constructive advice! Thanks 😊

The exercise you should do is whatever is going to be sustainable.
Weight training would be most effective for toning up and ultimately managing your weight. Yoga/pilates for posture and toning. Running or HIIT for dropping weight quickly but it may not come from where you want it too.

I'd suggest 2-3 weight sessions a week, 1 or 2 yoga/pilates and a cardio session if you can. But most important is building a consitent habit rather than duration/intensity.

You won't be the only one who looks different after many years. If the weight loss is not going to happen there are other things you could focus on. Like skincare (I found even just using a cheap moisturiser made a huge difference), try getting your makeup professionally done, getting a blow dry, find an amazing outfit, shapewear, make sure you've got time to get everything sorted so you're not rushing looking for an outfit the week before.

You can't target fat loss on a particular area of your body but you can work on toning and posture which will help.

In terms of diet, do a TDEE calculator, track your food intake and keep your calories below what the TDEE says is your maintenance amount. 500 below every day sees me losing between 1-2lbs a week. More than that and you'll be hungry, miserable and more likely to give up and binge.

I really like the Our Park couch to fitness exercise program, it's free, can be done at home and gets you started if you haven't done any real exercise in a while. It builds up week on week as you get fitter.

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzyGqy4hi5yAr4wQImo5HgwZIZ58PVyY-

To be honest, I'd really question why you feel the need to look a particular way to see these people? They're going to look different after years as well and it sounds like you're putting massive pressure on yourself which could set you up for feeling crap and anxious on the day.

You've had a difficult time and you've been pouring love and time and care into those around you which is a very loving thing to do. So yes now you need a bit of self care for yourself, but I honestly don't think a diet is the only way to do it. I've had a section, I'm absolutely proud of my non flat belly because it meant my son got here safely and I'm still standing because of it. Infact I'm so proud of it I wore a crop top this year on hol which I wouldn't have done before getting pregnant. I think you need to do some work internally on trying to be more kind in how you talk to yourself and your dp needs to be a bit quieter by the sound of things.

I would suggest you focus on just eating cleanly (don't follow a diet, just eat nutritious healthy food in balance and make sure you're in a slight calorie deficit) and exercise a bit every day. You'll lose weight naturally without feeling restricted and you'll feel really good just for doing that as a form of self care. Then I'd get a nice haircut, get my nails and tan etc done and find a lovely dress in a shape you feel is flattering on you and makes you feel good. It's possible to still love yourself and feel confident at a size 14. Then if you want, just continue that until you reach the weight you feel is healthy for your body. People aren't going to notice weight gain, they're going to notice how confident you are and that's what will tell them that your life is going well.

Thank you all for your kind messages. I agree, approaching this from a holistic perspective will give the best end result, both mentally and physically.

I like the ourpark videos, thanks @FatAgainItsLettuceTime I'll start with these and add in extra sessions until I've reached your recommendations @Whataretheodds.

Some excellent practical advice @Kinsters, I'll use your suggestions to make a to do list over the next few weeks and this should help to make the events I'm attending more enjoyable!

@Ilovetea42 you've hit the nail on the head, I would like to do all of these things for me, rather than others. I want to feel easy and confident in myself, rather than slim for anyone else. I think the pressure of mingling with women who spend lots of time having procedures and grooming themselves is building up. I just need to remind myself that I aim to be in a good place long after that long weekend is over. 🙃

I've said this on loads of posts now but OMAD or 2MAD depending on where you are in your cycle. No processed food, v low carb. I've lost 21lb in 8 weeks.