How do I make this situation fair?

[Preps]

I've never been one for meticulously balancing everything out re gifts to DC, they're given based on need at the time and it generally works out over time, but this is/was a big one.

DS1 passed his driving test just before lockdown. With nowhere to go, he had no real need for a car but was granted occasional use of our 2nd car, a 2yo low mileage Fiesta (at the time).

Then DH died and I had no need of a second car so DS1 had pretty much exclusive use of it. In the end I gave it to him as a 21st birthday present. I never thought I'd be the kind of parent who gave DC cars but it solved two problems at the time.

DS2's driving lessons were interrupted by covid and he's now 20yo and still learning.

I don't have a convienient car to give him. The price of 2nd hand cars has increased so much that the c. £8k DS1's car was worth when he was given it wouldn't buy something equivalent now.

I could afford to buy either an £8k car, give DS2 £8k towards a car or buy him an equivalent 2yo vehicle, but that is much more £ than I'd expect a young man of his age and means to be driving.

WWYD?

3rd option, sell DS1 car, split this cost between both to fund one each? Maybe top up by a grand or so to help?

Is there a halfway house here? Say DS1 had a 2 year old car worth 8k on his 21st, the exact same 2y old car now would be £18k. Can DS2 have a 4 year old 13k car?

How is your Ds2 for income, could you buy him an older runaround and then pay for a few years insurance premiums while he builds up his no claims discount, or did you pay for ds1 insurance too?

You cannot take back a gift!

😂Of course you bloody can when the alternative is spending 8k. It's not like he'd be without a car at the end of it.

Selling the car makes no sense. We wouldn't get the same value as it would cost to buy a replacement. That's one of the reasons I did it in the first place, it seemed daft to sell it and get seller's price at the same time as DS was buying. DS would have bought something cheaper but again it seemed daft to let him do that when I had a car u needed to sell. To but my car or equivalent would have been a lot more than I could sell it for iyswim.

It's not about the money though. The money is there, it's just about finding a solution that makes things reasonably fair.

I would far rather spend double that to make it fair than to try to take something back. It doesn't belong to op, she has no right to take it. I don't think she would want to either.

I think ask your youngest what he would prefer, £8k or a 3/4 YO Fiesta?

I think you're overthinking about making it fair. You're not in the same situation you were in when your eldest was 21. Surely your youngest knows that and would understand. Just say I can't do exactly the same, but I can offer the equivalent money or car?

I am so sorry, you lost your husband. 💔

Can both boys share the same car for now and you give your younger son another car when he is 21?

Just a passing thought. Maybe as an alternative to offering him the £8k towards a vehicle, you could look into PCP? If you’ve got the money to pay a couple of hundred pounds a month for a few years, it might be worth waiting for a good deal on a new/nearly new budget ride, then pay monthly for him until the point he gets enough of an income that he can take over? He’d get a far better car than £8k would buy right now, albeit I know it can be scrape city with new drivers. That said I do know a few kids who are very good drivers and don’t have these issues, my NDN’s daughters both got Aygos for their eighteenths and they’re still going and in perfect nick (both girls graduated and out working now).

Wouldn’t normally suggest this, I’ve always just bought cash, but second-hand cars are off the charts, especially small economical ones. Maybe it’d (arguably) be better value than cash-buying a lesser second-hand runaround right now?

I don't think you need to give an "equivalent" gift - you gave DS1 the car because it happened to be the one that was there in those specific circumstances. It could easily have been an older car. Personally I think £8k is plenty to spend on a car for a teenager - we've just got DS1 a second hand Corsa for £4k.

The fiesta was 4 years old when you gifted it to DS1. Just buy a 4 year old fiesta for DS2 as you say you have the money for that anyway.

If you want to spend a similar sort of money but don’t want him having such an expensive car could you buy the cheaper car and cover the first lot of insurance and tax?

That's a bizarre notion. OP should sell a car that belongs to her son and keep half the money for someone else?

Er...no.

Oh ignore PP @Preps@Preps

I'd talk to DS2 and explain he gets the same amount cash wise, so he can keep an eye out for something and save up or if he'd rather do something else with it that's OK too