What’s best for family?

[FTM1995]

we live in the south east and have a 2.5 year old. 
we have a mortgage and live about 25 mins from my parents who help out massively and we spend a lot of time with them. 
our mortgage is up for renewal next year and with the mortgage interest rates, it will increase by about £300 a month which will give us hardly any money to spend on holidays days out etc and we will be basically working just to pay the essentials. (Moneys a bit tight at the moment but have a fair amount for fun). 
Our big question is, what is better for a family - specifically the child - having grandparents nearby and spending time with them, staying over, days out etc. Or having potentially a better quality of life but away from them. 

we are thinking of moving up north (Sheffield/york) so we’d have a smaller mortgage and have money to be able to do a few trips each year, days and meals out etc. we also are thinking of a second child which I 100% want but there’s jo chance of being able to afford it in Kent. 

if we moved away, we can have a nicer house- we HATE ours, so unhappy in it and it’s a 2 bed mid terraced Victorian style and had it valued at about £290k. So we’re never going to be able to upgrade and get a bigger one around here. 

im just not sure what’s best! Each side have their own list of pros and cons and I can’t decide what’s the most important. 

I think my head tells me to move and bite the bullet, but then everytime I’m at my mums and see my sons face light up, it’s literally a home from home for him - he has his own bedroom, tonnes of toys books garden stuff. It breaks my heart moving him somewhere we will know none. 

I know it comes down to what I decide, but does anyone have any thoughts, opinions or been in a similar situation??

xx

[Dacadactyl]

How much help did your parents provide when your 1st child was a baby? Would they look to do the same again for a 2nd child?

Do you or your husband have links to the North at all?

How busy is your parents life? Who else (family and friends) live near to them? Would they consider moving North?

[mindutopia]

What are you currently paying for childcare? How will this change at 3? And at school age? That’s the first thing I’d consider with a 2 year old when you are thinking about future finances?

[WonderDays]

Could you increase the mortgage term when it comes to time to remortgage and then shorten it again when your DC is older?

[Ohalpro]

It’s not an easy choice, but personally I would say a support network is “worth” a lot more than £300 pm. As your parents get older you may want to be close to them to support them too

[Whinge]

but then everytime I’m at my mums and see my sons face light up, it’s literally a home from home for him - he has his own bedroom, tonnes of toys books garden stuff. It breaks my heart moving him somewhere we will know none.

It sounds like he has a fantastic relationship with your mother, and if he has his own room that suggests she does a lot of childcare or will be happy to help you out in the future. I wouldn't move. The extra money just wouldn't be enough to sacrifice such a lovely bond or lose the potential childcare.

[BMrs]

We just renewed our mortgage and we weren't with a broker who we use as a financial advisor. Whilst interest rates not likely to be as low as they have been, they will likely drop again. We ended up adding a few years back on our term to keep ours not being quite as excessive.

That being said, living up north is great but I'd love hands on grandparents!

[FTM1995]

Thanks everyone! We’re super close to my parents, I’m cabin crew so can be away for 3-4 nights at a time and if my partners also working, my son stays at nanny’s for the duration. And doesn’t want to come home when I go to pick him up 😂
its just we like holidays and travelling and haven’t been able to do any of that (I understand it’s hard in the early years) but the want to have a second child just doesn’t seem realistic.

the new childcare hours from next year and 2025 will help with baby 2 but I just imagined a life of showing our boy the world as travel was such a huge part of our life.

(don’t take this for, I’m choosing holidays over grandparents, it’s just general lifestyle at the moment and just wanting what’s best for our family) 😊

what are all your views on not being able to afford a 2nd baby down here though, even though we want one? That’s a difficult one for me to weigh up!

[FTM1995]

He really does have a great relationship with them. It’s lovely to see. I FaceTime when he’s there and he goes ‘no mummy’ because he’s having too much fun haha

[Hungrycaterpillarsmummy]

The sensible option is to extend your mortgage term so the payments arent so high

[CrumbliestCrumble]

Id say near family without a doubt.
Were close to all our family
1 parent lives in the next street
1 parent 1 mile away
Others 3 miles away.
Siblings are 1 mile, 1.5 mile and 6 miles away.
They're a huge help and they often ask for days with the dc wvenofwe don't need them to. Id hate for them not to have a close relationship.

We don't have funds for abroad and loads of travelling but we do days out every weekend, country parks, exploring different places, seeing friends, local attractions. And i dont feel they miss out.
However everyone is different. But to me family is so much more than having spare £ as long as we can live ok we're happy

[FTM1995]

My mum was hands on from the very beginning! Had him over night from 5 weeks old. (I really struggled and he cries 24/7). She actually dropped a days work (3 down to 2 as a Nursing assistant) to help with childcare. She swaps shifts to make it work, she’s great.

i just don’t think we’d be able to afford a second child down here. With the cost of the mortgage increase next year and then maternity pay, it wouldn’t cover it :(

they have about 6 months left on their mortgage but I’m 28, and have sisters who are 18 and 20 so still at home, so don’t think they’d move anytime soon. My mum has her dad (my grandad) who’s 80, all fine at the moment but don’t think she’d move away from him. My stepdad has said maybe in 10 years ‘who knows we might follow’.

[Whinge]

I’m cabin crew so can be away for 3-4 nights at a time and if my partners also working, my son stays at nanny’s for the duration.

Wow, honestly OP you would be mad to consider moving when you have such a difficult childcare situation. Without your parents you or DH would have to change jobs. The funded hours of childcare will help, but they can't replace the stability or level of care that your parents provide. I also think it would really hard on your son to move so far away from people who provide a lot of support and have a big presence in his life.

[Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies]

I would also look, and I mean really look, at house prices in areas you might want to live in. As a southerner, who has lived up north, it’s rarely as cheap as you might think.

You might well discover that, actually, you can’t get much more for your money in Sheffield (or wherever). Sure, there’s that dodgy street in X town with £50k houses, but a nice area costs, even north of Watford Gap.

[declutteringmymind]

Yep. Stay where you are, extend your mortgage term and count yourself very lucky. Your mum sounds like an angel.

[FTM1995]

@mindutopia

What are you currently paying for childcare? How will this change at 3? And at school age? That’s the first thing I’d consider with a 2 year old when you are thinking about future finances?

£300 a month and he only goes 1 day a week. It’s all we can afford and it’s mostly for his benefits. I have a second job to pay for it but it literally covers the cost so we’re breaking even there. When he’s 3 it will go down a bit but again probably break even with the increase in mortgage so same position we are now

[FTM1995]

@CrumbliestCrumble

Id say near family without a doubt.
Were close to all our family
1 parent lives in the next street
1 parent 1 mile away
Others 3 miles away.
Siblings are 1 mile, 1.5 mile and 6 miles away.
They're a huge help and they often ask for days with the dc wvenofwe don't need them to. Id hate for them not to have a close relationship.

We don't have funds for abroad and loads of travelling but we do days out every weekend, country parks, exploring different places, seeing friends, local attractions. And i dont feel they miss out.
However everyone is different. But to me family is so much more than having spare £ as long as we can live ok we're happy

Don’t get me wrong it’s not jsut for a few extra pounds. Is the possibility of a second child which we’d like, and it’s just not doable down here. We don’t like our house (mould, damp etc) but can’t afford somewhere else.

its difficult because I think the two things I’m trying to compare aren’t actually comparable and are a factor on their own. Just thought I’d see everyone’s opinions :) thanks for your reply!

[FTM1995]

@Whinge

I’m cabin crew so can be away for 3-4 nights at a time and if my partners also working, my son stays at nanny’s for the duration.

Wow, honestly OP you would be mad to consider moving when you have such a difficult childcare situation. Without your parents you or DH would have to change jobs. The funded hours of childcare will help, but they can't replace the stability or level of care that your parents provide. I also think it would really hard on your son to move so far away from people who provide a lot of support and have a big presence in his life.

I’d definitely have to look at another job I know!

I think sometimes I have too many thoughts and seeing it written down and others opinions is what I need! Thank you :)

[maisymountainclimber]

You may find your parents want to move with you when they find out. Open the conversation and see how they feel

[Newuser82]

Would your parents consider moving also? If not honestly I'd stay out for the time being. Sounds like your son had an awesome relationship with your Mam.

I don't know how old you are but say in years to come when your parents are getting older are you going to be comfortable being so far away?

I don't envy you the decision though. Bet your head is spinning. Maybe write a list of pros and cons then see where you are.

[greyhairnomore]

I'd stay where you are , can either of you change jobs to earn more money ?