Firstly, I know I’m lucky to have divorced and had enough to only have a tiny mortgage, so I don’t mean to upset anyone.
When I was married my husband owned our family home. I put money into it, I was a SAHM and I fully contributed, but it was his house before and there was a lot of history that meant it never felt like home, nor was it a house I would have chosen.
He always promised he would put me on the mortgage/deeds, but there was always a reason he couldn’t, and as time went on I realised a) I was never going on it b) that he was being underhand over it all and c) all final decisions were his, which was a huge struggle.
He promised we would sell it and start in a new house, but ditto above. He wanted to stay in the house and he wanted to own it solely.
Alongside a big history of DV it ended up with me leaving, divorcing (big battle where he stayed true to form and we wasted tons of money having to disprove financial lies) but I got enough to buy a house with a really small mortgage.
We’ve been in a month, and I just feel so unsettled. I should be proud of where I got us against the odds and I’m in a hugely lucky position, but I’m just sad.
Suddenly every decision is mine, if this house turns into a money pit it’s down to me, if the boiler explodes it’s down to me, I’ve got some work being done and even things like “where should this switch go” there’s no one to discuss it with.
It feels like I got me and the children the security we need, but at a massive cost. There’s no one to share it with, no one to help with the bastard flat pack, it’s just me.
I think I’m having buyers remorse, but also that feeling that it should have been us if he could just have been a normal decent person is quite strong.
I feel I should enjoy all I have a lot more, but I can’t