Awkward Instagram friend dilemma

[HiKenHiKenHiKen]

An old uni friend and I follow each other on Instagram. She lived in a different country for a while but she moved back to UK at the beginning of COVID and now lives on the outskirts of my city. I’ve tried to meet up with her a few times since then but she’s never followed through or really responded with interest, which is fine. I’ve pretty much mentally let go of the friendship.

But the thing is she responds to so many of my Instagram stories (with (appropriate) emojis) and I don’t get why. It was especially weird when one of my parents - whom she’d known quite well - died recently and when I posted about it she responded with a sad emoji but didn’t even bother to private message to say “I’m sorry for your loss” or anything.

I guess I don’t really get why she bothers if she doesn’t want to actually stay in contact. I’m wondering if someone on here has experienced anything similar? (Or is it something you’ve done and maybe you can explain why?)

And do I need to keep acknowledging her emoji responses with the little double tap heart or can I just ignore them?

(Conscious this post will make v little sense to people who aren’t on Instagram!)

Maybe she likes to appear on SM as if she has lots of friends and contacts and that’s why she does it - so her account has lots of activity?

I wouldn’t worry either way, do what you feel is right. You could start only responding to every other of her emoji and then whittle down from there?

Some people are just like this. She’ll probably respond to everyone she follows with emojis and then forget who and what she’s reacted to because it’s fast and meaningless. If it makes you uncomfortable and you’re not friends anymore anyway just mute her.

You’re confusing ‘Instagram friend’ with ‘actual friend’. People like or respond to my infrequent Instagram posts but they could be someone I once bought a painting from, the daughter of an old friend I’ve not seen in ten years, a choreographer whose show I once reviewed, someone from the other side of the world who was briefly my ‘college child’ in the 1990s etc etc — not people who are in my life or seeking to be. I don’t tend to comment back.

Years ago someone asked me if a mutual friend was on FB. The mutual friend had moved away. I said I didn’t know because I’m not in FB but had their phone number if they wanted to contact them. Their reply was, “oh no I don’t want to talk to them.” So some people are strange

Think of a social media "FRIEND" as a CONNECTION

There's a massive difference. It really helped me to get my head around the fact that these people are not friends

She's the type that responds to everything she sees on social media. You can create a close contact list on IG and exclude her. Or just unfolllow her. She won't realise straight away.

She's one of those who responds to every SM notification but not in real life.

I wouldn't give it a second thought.

Is she perhaps trying to get her account to stay active/ pop up in people's feeds? The instagram algorithm is such that to get to the top of people's feeds, a user has to interact with people as well as get them to interact with the comment. So its possible she's using the emoji interaction to boost her own visibility.

This is an entirely normal interaction OP, lots of people interact like this on SM - old friends and acquaintances when you have seen someone share something publicly and don’t want to ignore it, but aren’t close enough to think it warrants a comment or writing a message.

She probably likes you but no desire or time to put effort into being ‘friends’ again.

i don’t think it’s
awkwarf, I would just ignore it

Fwiw, after my dad died I deleted anyone who gave me a shitty sad face emoji but couldn't be bothered to write even a brief message. They're not actual friends.

Thanks for the various responses. Something to think about. I guess the puzzling thing is she responds to almost everything I post pretty much, including memes, it’s just quite full on. I don’t think it’s to boost her profile - in fairness to her she’s definitely not an influencer type, she just uses it in a low-key way. I suppose I’m just slightly disappointed because it would be nice to meet up with her - we were quite close at uni - but it’s clear she’s not interested despite all the emoji reactions.

Anyway thanks again for those who took the time to respond.