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Original poster

Amused (mostly) rather than annoyed by what family member think my chosen name is 30+ years after not changing my name when I got married

4 replies

mastertomsmum · 10/06/2023 09:54

As the birthday cards for my birthday next week begin to arrive, it’s the usual mish mash of names and titles only a few of which match the names I go by.

Luckily, it just makes me laugh. I really made it simple by saying - all those years ago - that I was not changing my name at all when I got married. So quite happy with Miss-First/Given Name - Maiden/Chosen Surname, simples. So, what tends to happen from mostly older family, is that I get either total denial or a jumbling up of things.

I’m generally amused and bemused by this, although I really don’t like Mrs- Husband’s Initials - Married Name as that’s a bit 19th century. Today’s made me laugh though Mrs- My First Name - My Maiden/Chosen Surname lol 😂 and from a younger generation

OP posts:
Marsyas · 10/06/2023 09:59

I get that mix as well, including from my own generation which I find odd, even though they were all at my wedding where it was clearly stated I’d be keeping my own name. I don’t really mind, but I think that if I sent a card to some of them with their maiden name instead of their husbands name, when they take their husbands name, they would be offended - but it’s OK for them to do it the other way round.

My mum seems to think it’s a weird affectation of mine to keep my maiden name and that really and legally I’m called Marsyas Husbandname. She tried to get me to sign some form which needed someone with a different surname from her, and I was like “We are the same surname!” “Ah yes, but not legally!” she said…

Original poster
mastertomsmum · 10/06/2023 11:07

Marsyas · 10/06/2023 09:59

I get that mix as well, including from my own generation which I find odd, even though they were all at my wedding where it was clearly stated I’d be keeping my own name. I don’t really mind, but I think that if I sent a card to some of them with their maiden name instead of their husbands name, when they take their husbands name, they would be offended - but it’s OK for them to do it the other way round.

My mum seems to think it’s a weird affectation of mine to keep my maiden name and that really and legally I’m called Marsyas Husbandname. She tried to get me to sign some form which needed someone with a different surname from her, and I was like “We are the same surname!” “Ah yes, but not legally!” she said…

Glad you avoided signing in married name on the official form. I know from experience that if one needs to use something like a power of attorney then you need to carry a marriage certificate with you if it’s in that name

OP posts:
guinnessguzzler · 10/06/2023 11:51

My mum is the same, absolutely convinced that my 'legal' name is my husband's surname no matter how many times I have explained it. She actually had to get her POA document re-drafted because she gave the lawyers the wrong name for me! She just won't be told!

Frith2013 · 10/06/2023 12:12

I get this too!
I changed my surname nearly 20 years ago, when I get divorced.

Weirdly, it's only family members who get it wrong, even though my surname is identical to theirs...

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