I'd it because I'm a widow

[Preps]

Or do people just see me as completely sexless/unattractive?

DH died 2 years ago. I've made huge efforts to keep going and "get out there" and have developed quite a busy social life.

I was at a 50th birthday last night. A man long divorced who makes no secret of the fact he'd rather not be single. He's an attractive, bright, funny, solvent man, seems to have plenty of female friends but hasn't been successful in relationships. After a few drinks, people were discussing various possibilities for him, single women who are mutual aquaintances, some were there, some weren't. It was all very light hearted, but it doesn't seem to occur to anyone that I could be a possibility. I'm not saying I want to particularly, but it would be nice if someone/anyone considered me as a possibility 😆

There's another man we know who really gets through women. As it happens I'm quite friendly with him on a platonic basis. Some of the women there last night were "warning" each other about him and what a lech he can be. He's never been in the least but lechy with me, which is good, but why not if he's like that with "all" women.

And another. I had a really good, intelligent, interesting conversation with a man about politics and history. We laughed and surprised each other with our common interests. Challenged each other's viewed without falling out! I'm sure he enjoyed the evening. I'm also sure he won't even consider me as a potential date.

I'm not desperate to date, I'm quite enjoying life, but I'm starting to think it would be nice if that was a possibility at some pont in the future.

So am I thoroughly unattractive, they see me as a friend and nothing more, or somehow my widowhood "protects" me from their advances?

I'm 2-3 years older than most of these men. I dont like to think that's the issue, it's nothing surely when you get to 50, but maybe the "possibilities" for them are all 5-10 years younger?

Glut? Flit.

Re the lechy guy - guys like that are often just out for sex. He probably senses that you (Being married and widowed rather than divorced/failed relationship) would be looking for a relationship and that's not what he's after.

He's the one who knew DH, although he was always my friend rather than DH's.

He was brilliant while DH was ill, during lockdown. Really made an effort to keep in touch and help us out. Just kept turning up rather than doing that "you know where I am" thing most people do.

I actually think he's misunderstood and a hopeless romantic rather than a letch, that's why he gets through so many women because he's constantly searching for something and looking for it in the wrong places

He's the one of least interest to me though, although he is a valued friend.

Have you made it known you’re ready to date?

No one is going to want to me the first one to make a jokey comment about you staying away from the lech, and no one wants to be the first one to suggest you as a date for a guy who is single. They won’t want to overstep or upset you or make things awkward.

They’ll follow your lead. If you want to date then you need to make them aware of that.

Just thinking, a woman I know was widowed earlier this year (late 40s). Obviously, it's way to early for anyone to suggest dating to her but I can also see why people would take their cues from the woman herself rather than suggest it and risk upsetting someone.

When would be the right time? It could feel quite disloyal to her late husband and may be seen as suggesting that he could be replaced.

It's different when someone divorces.

Is it that you are a widow and not a single female? Just going by your thread title and opening post. Perhaps when you no longer feel a widow your persona may change? Just a thought but I do not know you so could be completely wrong.