Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

Feel bad about accepting help off my parents

15 replies

guitara · 09/06/2023 22:40

They are truly lovely people who deserve the world.

My parents are lovely and insistent they have never wanted anything in return other than to see me (20s) happy. I feel as if they have done more than enough for me and my sibling as they worked tirelessly to give us a lovely childhood and upbringing, something which I really value and appreciate. They have paid the mortgage off and want to help us onto the property ladder + pay for our honeymoon. They give and give and want nothing in return. For instance we invite them out for dinner and try to pay but my dad will do things like sneak off to the toilet while everyone’s finishing their meal and pick up the tab before anyone else gets the chance.

They say I will understand how they feel towards me when me and DH have DC. At the moment I can’t relate and feel like it should now be me treating them, not the other way around.

OP posts:

LittleMonks11 · 09/06/2023 22:43

They sounds wonderful. Mine are the same and are only just letting us treat them - and I'm 52!! They spoil a their grandchildren rotten.

Dacadactyl · 09/06/2023 22:44

I can sort of see where you're coming from, but at the same time if they aren't leaving themselves short, don't feel bad. They're old enough to know what they're doing and imo it makes sense for them to help you out financially to some degree if they can afford it.

I'd far rather see my kids enjoy my money than spend it all on a care home/give it to them once I'd died.

Scousefab · 09/06/2023 22:45

ah they sound like very special people. Maybe get them a surprise as a thank you that way you won’t feel bad. Personally since I have had a daughter I would give her the world. Just accept it and be grateful you have wonderful parents.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

ReluctantFishLady · 09/06/2023 22:49

Sounds like they aren't strapped for cash and will be leaving everything to you and your sister anyway. Maybe they would rather have you enjoy some of the fruits of their labour while they are still around to share it with you (and won't get taxed on it).

Original poster

guitara · 09/06/2023 23:04

Scousefab · 09/06/2023 22:45

Thank you

OP posts:

ejbaxa · 02/08/2023 23:34

They sound great. You needn't feel bad about accepting the help, just say thank you, how much you appreciate it etc.

user1471453601 · 02/08/2023 23:45

As a single parent, I didn't have much spare money when my daughter nephew and niece were little.

Now I'm old I have more spare cash (much more). I cannot tell you the pleasure it gives me to treat my loved ones. It's immense. It's what they (my loved ones) always deserved, but it's only now I can afford to give it to them.

Please, don't spoil the pleasure your parents get by giving to you. If you don't need it, please accept that they DO want to give, and take pleasure from doing so, they don't seem to be expecting any reward other than seeing you happy. And that is the best reward a loving parent could ever have

Lou670 · 02/08/2023 23:52

I have two adult daughters, 22 and 25 and I get enjoyment out of giving them things now and helping them. The way I see it is they need the help now and not when I am gone. And when I am gone I won't get to see the pleasure it gives them and me. Try to see it from this angle as your parents may be thinking along the same lines as me. It is much harder for your age group than it was for me when I was starting out. And yes your parents are right in that you will understand and probably do the same for your children.

StJulian2023 · 02/08/2023 23:59

Ah, your parents are clearly so delighted to do what they are doing for you. It sounds like you have a lovely relationship. As others have said, it really is such a pleasure to be able to help out those you love so much. It’s a win-win 😊

AmandaHoldensLips · 03/08/2023 00:02

I love helping my daughters. It's really hard for this generation so yes, helping with a house deposit or car payments or whatever they need. That includes sneaking off in restaurants to pay the bill. This has now turned into a game of who can sneak around more sneakily and get to the bill first.

Don't feel bad. Feel blessed that you have such lovely parents!

saraclara · 03/08/2023 00:02

I am trying to help my DDs (in their 30s) as much as I can, now. My late DH and I saved really hard for retirement, but of course only one of us is here to spend it. And actually I've barely dipped into the savings as it turns out that I can pretty much live on my income.

Everything my mum and MIL had in terms of savings and their home went to their care. I don't want that to happen without me having helped my kids when they need it. They've both had to remortgage at the worst possible time, and I have small grandchildren that are costing a lot in nursery fees.

Why would I sit on more savings than I need, when my DDs are being hit so hard, financially?

Let your parents help you. As long as they can afford it, let them have that pleasure. Just make sure they know you appreciate it and that you don't take them for granted (and I'm sure you will).

Nsky62 · 03/08/2023 00:03

I do random stuff , I give my nieces and nephews ( 7 in total) £10 each for their birthdays , all in their 20s.
And when we have big family getogothers ( 3 different countries), pay for a takeaway curry or something alike.
lts nice to give

Somanycats · 03/08/2023 00:12

I'm 61, my parents are 86. They still try to pay for everything! Only reason we can sometimes get to pay now is because Dad isn't as quick on his feet anymore and can't nip off to pay without us noticing.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 03/08/2023 00:27

My MIL is like this. So now we know to sneak to the toilet first and pay the bill etc or we randomly order her flowers etc as a thank you for everything she does! 🥰

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 03/08/2023 08:40

If they’re not short of money I don’t see why you should feel bad - they probably like treating you - and have more disposable cash. I say this as a parent with adult dcs who’s in a position to be able to help, and is very happy to be able to do so.

Flip