You know the saying, if someone likes you they’ll let you know, if they make you feel confused, they don’t…

[Hehehejeiej]

It’s so true. I have a friend/colleague and my god I feel so disoriented when I talk to her. I come away from spending time with her feeling like I’ve misspoken and done something wrong. I need to put some distance between us.

I 100% agree with this saying. If that’s how you’re feeling I’m sure you’re right!

I think she’s the only person I’ve ever felt this with. I’m not saying that everyone I’ve ever met has liked me, but I’ve never felt so confused when dealing with someone.

I dont necessarily think people go out of their way to make you feel confused (although I’m sure some people do).

It’s more that you simply don’t gel with / get each other - which means you’ll never get on, and never be friends.

And that’s pretty much the human experience - we won’t get on with everyone, so focus on the people you do have a connection with, and don’t let the others get to you.

The lack of connection isn’t personal - it’s just that the chemistry isn’t there for you.

Life becomes a lot easier when you think like this.

I think I’m pretty good at reading people @CrazyArmadilloLady and totally ok with people not liking me. This is slightly different because I feel I’m being toyed with. Sometimes they are fine and other times I feel like I’ve done something wrong and not really understanding why. I am pretty old and never had this before. It’s so weird.

You say she’s a friend slash colleague. Really? I would just relegate her to ‘colleague’.

That’s what I will do @CrazyArmadilloLady I’m going to do the grey rock thing (I think that’s what they call it).

Good idea, I think! Friendships are supposed to be a positive in one’s life. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Yes. It’s tricky because it is work too but i’m grey rocking it from now on.

If you are feeling disconcerted and as though someone is trying to wrong-foot you, chances are that it is deliberate, and they get some sort of ego trip out of it.

I have this feeling with my DIL! I can’t avoid the relationship so I just try to be as nice and non contentious as possible. It’s a strain being with her though.

I think they are @EyelessArseFace They are unhappy and want other people to feel the same.
Sorry to hear that @ltappleby It’s unsettling to have someone make you feel like this.

Just spoken to them again (had to). More gaslighting… Definitely time to turn into a grey rock.

She's manipulating you.

Likes you as in a friend or something more? I'm not understanding the dynamics?

It means like, as in not dislike. In a platonic sense.

It’s always a mystery to me when I get this vibe with people. I agonise over whether they’re just built very differently to me and it’s a misunderstanding or whether they’re acting deliberately.

Exactly @HelloHandsome. It’s hard to articulate that feeling in all honesty and it’s only really with her that I feel it.

Oh god. I have this with a colleague right now. It's so strange. Really can't tell where I stand, often feel very confused and upset after any interaction.

Massive sympathy from me.

Likewise @GoldenLeaves20. It’s so unsettling.

I have this as well. If I do something well, they will find something wrong with it and talk me around in circles until I feel terrible about myself.

Thanks @Hehehejeiej . She doesn't like me which is totally ok! But I also feel she toys with me, some times being professional and polite which is what I do, and some times aggressive and chaotic. I feel bewildered when dealing with her. Hate it.

I think it’s the toying and subsequent bewilderment which makes this so awful.